Timmron 348
by Cattivo
Summary: The story of a Yeerk being assimilated into human culture through his own observations. And defending a rather dark secret of the Empire as it hunts him down. Chapter Fourteen, Up!
1. Prologue

Timmron 348 

An Animorphs fanfiction by Zri Kolsen.

Warnings: Language, darker adult based themes not suitable for children, mild sexual themes and violence later to come.

Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to own a concept like Animorphs, I don't. It belongs to K.A Applegate... ...But I'm sure you knew that so, I just wasted eleven seconds of everyone's time. 8D ...I'm sorry, that was really sarcastic of me.

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Part One -- 'Infestation' 

Prologue

My storytelling has never stood to as apparently as my casual ability to simply meld into the thick of the background. Forgive my sudden intrusion of your time, although take heed of the quaint nature of my origins and for your own freedom protect yourself as if though I sought you out personally. Though perhaps with art rather than matter, I've spoken too much already rather than have shown you...

_I must confess that I find the confines of your skull lulling me so far into security that I find myself prattling._

As my new host, you are entitled to inherit your new master's name as well as your new master's control. I am Timmron 348 of the Hett Niam pool.

_Although you may address me as Timmron or Timmron 348 of your choosing, you will still address me as either the slave that is burdened with his begotten woes to his driver, or you will address me as the servant who walks with his neck bent and his legs bowed to his emperor._

In any instance, you are my property now, slave. Your mind and body are crushed now beneath the shapeless depths of my absolute control, and I feel it only fair to warn you that thoughts of escape shall remain as they are: mere traces of hope to cling unto until you discover for yourself the truths that so many shattered creatures scream inside their minds.

_  
__There truly is no escape in either mind or body, the truth being we dominate your mind, we assimilate your essence and for our own uses we lead those you love into this same slavery you've awakened in. There is no 'underground railroad' that could hide you from our omnipotent grasp, our control is absolute, and your body obeys my every whim and desire as if it had never been previously owned. That-_

((We'll just see about that!!)) The host mind retorted back rather hotly, apparently in a very savagely foul mood. ((I would split my own head open and crush you myself, if having to be reduced into STEALING other bodies hasn't killed you on the inside already!!))

I retained a mental sigh away from my host, deciding at the moment that pleasant conversation would be best sought out within myself, rather than with this ignorant animal. As my body had flattened and unfurled itself deep into the crevices and over the abundant dips and valleys of the brain, already I could feel the electrical sensations of neurons prickling into a scabrous connection with my own mind. The body was slowly although absolutely betraying its previous owner, assimilating me into its thick matter as sparking pulses and crackling nerve ends melded together in a dizzying sensation as my palps became arms and legs, my new torso became apparent, and to the host mind's utter and complete terror, the eyes slowly fluttered open to my own will alone. All a whimsical murmur of movement, my host reasoned. It has to be my imagination, the host mind continued, science could not permit such things, mind controlling aliens were only found in movies and books, or in episodes of Star Trek. (Not that I had any idea what Star Trek was at that moment, but I would learn with time.)

But that was when she attempted to blink. It was horrifically astounding just how much of that boundless energy I felt brimming in her personality (as it became mine) she focused in foolishly attempting to defy me. Her orders were utterly clear and tranquil when they first began coming: blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink...

The neurons and nerves that had connected with my own rather easily intercepted such orders and ebbed them away so that they never even reached the eyes, the orders remained hopes and nothing more, their value consumed and crushed away by my control.

Blink. Blink...? Blink! ..._Blink!!_

Though her orders slowly grew in intensity as she realized what was happening, still they met the same fate as her first attempts with her commands now hollowed and husked of their value here in a body that no longer belonged to her. Rather swiftly other orders began to bombard the now effectively conquered matter, slammed into me with such annoyances as I began to feel her thought patterns echo inside me and into my mind, opening them publicly for me to read as I desired...

Blink! Breathe!! Run!! _Run...! _**_RUN!!_**

_  
_As simplistic as her orders were, still she waffled miserably at the task of recovering her own body as my control smothered the value and extinguished the meaning. Her thought patterns became fragmented at all that was going on, her reason became twisted by the fear like thin metal and creased permanently by what was happening, as it all would beneath the heavy umbrage of some inconceivable nightmare that would continually haunt her upon awakening... If this were something she could easily awaken from. But the fear and fragmented thoughts brought other bizarre presences I felt inside the mind with us that I assumed to be her family and friends as they brought pieces of memory, which I was quick to collect as she struggled beneath my sharpened intellect and the insurmountable grip my flattened body had on her brain.

Her name was Mandy, as I soon discovered. An involuntary, though I hardly needed her memories to inform me of that as I felt her emotions come welling into a sparking core near the back of her mind that nearly brought me into feeling the same things, being close enough to know what she felt without feeling these things myself; hatred, utter and unfiltered loathing, all of which surged above an undercurrent of terrible realization and overwhelming illness as she briefly discovered what was happening. All sorts of questions were now positively crashing like untamed waves inside her, sending up a spray of curses that curled into silent pleas for me to leave before they would resolve back into the questions and thus begin the cycle all over again. What am I going to do?! How do I get rid of this thing? What will my family do? What will mom think? Why is it doing this? Fuck this!! Fuck all of this!! Son of a bitch thinks he can get away with this, don't make me fucking laugh!! Goddamnit, please leave...please get out of my head... ...Why won't it leave? ...What? ...What is it doing now? What is it planning to do, and what is it thinking? ...Are you laughing, are you enjoying this you fucking bastard?!

The irony of this rather extensive curiosity she had as her memories morbidly reported was that it was curiosity that led to such a fateful meeting between us. She had been curious to so many things, as most humans so ignorantly were (or at least that had been what I'd heard from Temrash 252, and that had been how he had come to meet his own host). By their curiosity, by their lustful intentions towards one another, and even by their faint assumptions alone humans had safely haloed themselves within some unpierced world of concrete perceptions telling them what was possible and what was insanity, and they obeyed without question their belittling policies bearing the decrees of safety and political correctness. Ridiculous.

If such a world as envisioned by the humans were strung together outside the leaves of their storybooks and unknown intentions, the very failure to accept greater standards and in that same instance the failure to accept their own social barriers would force it stumbling down as it collapsed into pieces on itself. We Yeerks however had cast such garbage to the furnace; humans were now a part of a greater union than they could ever comprehend contorting faces and bickering over whether one of their dark skinned ones was to be deemed black or African American, hence the constant struggles against our control. The rule of thumb I suppose in humanity is that if something is different, then surely it is wrong without question even if presenting the close-minded mentality behind that statement had only furthered their social evolution... I digress however from the memories I saw as I opened her mind, retaining these dark thoughts to myself for the time being.

She had joined the Sharing for the community service, in hopes that it would stand out on college applications she had prepared as a senior in high school, never once suspecting the truth. She had cleaned a local park, served alongside Teresa in the community soup kitchen and scrubbed a daycare center's walls clean of some juvenile graffiti within the course of three weeks, when she had been asked to become a full member. Naturally assuming this meant benefits or even references for her applications, she had agreed wholeheartedly without hesitation, especially with the mention of the Sharing's five hundred dollar scholarship for full members only up for immediate claim. The memories of excitement and eternal gratitude, of clear and thriving joy came clearly to me in the gray matter of her brain as I pressed my will further into her mind, unlocking it to me as clearly as if it had just transgressed...-"Ow...damnit... I hate my hair!!"

Her voice was carried rather startling well down the empty foyer as she paced frantically, running a paddle-handle brush through the tangles and obdurate knots in her auburn hair. She spat out a colorful string of curses, barely tugging the brush through her thick tresses a final time and letting them fall past her shoulders before setting it aside with an unnerved sigh. She hooked her thumb into the tight pocket of her jeans, feeling the twenty-dollar bill her mother had left on the kitchen table for about the eighth time for assuring measure. She straightened her green pinstripe blouse, she bent her arms as she propped herself against the wall as she would do habitually whenever she was nervous.

Three weeks of breaking her back practically, figured she would be nervous when she would finally be getting a damn break over it at the last second, though when her group's leader had mentioned a secret ceremony she couldn't help understandably mulling over the most humiliating possibilities for some kind of fraternity initiation. The notion seemed ridiculous, but still, she hadn't felt very safe the way Teresa had smiled when she had replied: 'Yeah... ...Yeah, I can be here next Monday, five-thirty.'

Upon arrival at the citizen's center, the usual meeting place for The Sharing in the community, Teresa's surreptitious little smile hadn't seemed to dissipate from what it had been last Sunday when Mandy had answered her about becoming a full member. It didn't really matter, she'd be getting her references and her money, Teresa could have greeted her with a joint in hand and cancer hanging off the filter in a clown suit for all she cared. College wouldn't come easy to a family barely able to afford the textbooks, let alone a future at a university. A break was all she damn well needed, a break was all that she was after, she didn't mind giving up extra hours of free time for it or 'sacrificing herself when necessary to be part of something greater'...? Yeah. Real funny, Teresa, it's what I've been doing for the past two years, the difference being that it looks like I'll actually get some money for it. Believe it or not, jobs at 24/7's couldn't pave the way to Yale or even to community college and Hell, I haven't met anyone working at McDonalds who can actually afford to eat there.

"You're really thinking about the future, aren't you?" Teresa smiled softly, as Mandy found her disturbingly calm visage among a sea of casual expressions across the center lobby. She didn't normally talk to Teresa; in fact she damn well avoided that awkwardness rather intentionally. Teresa just seemed far too happy for a forty-two year old baby-sitter of a bunch of middle school kids every Monday and Thursday, she was sure that she had to be dying for a cigarette or maybe a drink to deal with the noise that she couldn't turn off or turn down with a knob, anything. It led her to believe that maybe there was something unorthodox beneath that sweet smile and soft voice; maybe she smoked a joint or two before each meeting or she stuck her thighs with rusty nails so that the little bastards wouldn't seem so bad in comparison, but something was definitely off even if Mandy wasn't sure yet as to just what it was.

Mandy nodded nevertheless, pressing her thoughts aside once again in place of a civil front. "Yeah, graduating," she said. "Kinda have to." She threw in a breathy sort of laugh for good measure and thumbed her hair back over her shoulder as she had the habit of doing when talk proved scarce. No problem at all with attending the Sharing and putting her best group effort forward, in fact when she did so the group found itself doing far better than the hopes and goals they set each meeting in the park or kitchen or daycare center could warrant, but for reasons even she couldn't explain it was one-on-one dealing with persons that she grew generally annoyed with. But Teresa never really said anything about it, she either didn't mind or she didn't notice.

The elderly woman laughed, the pitch low and dry like air whistling through a broken pipe. "Of course, I understand! A lot of high school students are in the exact same situation you're in!" Mandy laughed too, though she saw nothing funny about it. "But you know what? Those exact same students get great benefits from becoming full members of the Sharing! They get a good reference from their leader," she fanned her fingers across her chest with a soft smile to emphasize her point or maybe even her significance to Mandy, one of the two reasons of which she didn't care about. "They can also get after-school tutoring on classes for their major from real college students; a full list of community funded scholarships that only full members of The Sharing can apply for, it's a great start if you're looking to raise some money for yourself!"

Mandy nodded with a kind smile, but her thoughts deep down in her mind still registered aside from all the reasons and gentle prodding that there was something wrong beneath all the smiles that she hadn't quite substantiated. 'What the hell? I said yes, already, why are you still trying to convince me?' Her mind pleaded, though her mind and tongue didn't seem to be very close companions which in some instances was probably why half of her school didn't hate her. "Sounds great, that kinda stuff's exactly what I need, y'know?" was what came out, to Teresa's laughter again.

"It's greater than you can imagine, that's not even all the privileges you'll be getting as a full member!"  
Again Mandy smiled shyly, thumbing her hair behind her ear as she followed Teresa down the winding corridor down toward the end of the hall. "Well, you kinda had me from last Sunday," she said awkwardly. "count me in." Teresa grinned; unhitching an iron key from a ring she wore dutifully on her waist and unlocked the door.

"Secret entrance." Teresa whispered, in the same tone adults used when trying to sound cool about something, but the strained effort dried out the tone and made them seem even lamer than they were before. But when she opened the door and revealed the utility closet, Mandy silently confirmed that Teresa had to be a pot head, no joke. And when she had guided Mandy with an arm only to lock the door behind them and conceal her inside, the benefits of full membership gave way to her earlier notions of what initiation could mean, although the fears of humiliation had ebbed away into inexplorable possibilities of waking up in a tub of ice missing half her insides, or waking up in an industrial bathroom chained to a pipe by her bony ankle with a hacksaw and a sadistically written note tied to the handle telling her 'Have fun!'

"Um..." Mandy found the words gumming inside her head, the mechanics between her thoughts and her tongue glitching figuratively and literally as she sought out a way to reword her question. "What exactly... ...is going on here?" ...Well, it was better than the original 'What the hell are you doing, are you fucking stoned?'. Teresa approached the rusted sink to the right, twisting the faucet upside down and the two valves in opposing directions with an eerie creak that opened a concealed iron door, doing all of this with the same stilled smile that implored Mandy to step forward and accept whatever she could be given. She beheld unnaturally eroded walls into a narrow cavern that descended by carved out steps spiraling deep down into a suffocating darkness.

As her guide pressed her forward, she felt the cold of the underground begin to slowly slip into her bones and erode away courage, half expecting to come to a stop by a black iron gate reading 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter in' as Dante had before his testimony of the Inferno. But upon this long way, Mandy suspected that her guide hadn't quite the same motivations as Virgil and unlike Dante she suspected that as she inched forward that she had been tempted into matters beyond conceivable escape.

Even as Teresa had explained everything about the Yeerks and of the true purpose of the Sharing as they reached the bottom of the deep cavern and even the choice to become either a Collaborator or a Controller, still Mandy remained confused to what was happening as half of the explanation died on ears deafened in disbelief. Still she pictured many things she could meet near the end of the cavern, the crackling of human marrow and the snap of flesh in some furnace below in a pit, the clamor of laments and verbal penances torn asunder by despairing sobs that would forewarn her of this fate if somehow she failed to revere God, and could not purge her soul of the evils that her priest had warned his congregation of so many times before. In fact, she damn well wondered if he had anything to do with this descending trench she found herself wandering into, she found herself feeling a lot of things and more alive than she had felt in a long while as she prepared herself to watch tears evaporate into a furnace.

As she beheld an amethyst sort of glow near the end of the descent, Mandy wanted to think of something funny. The fear she felt inside of her had become in such a short time so much more than the human mind generally accommodated; it wasn't the usual mechanical swirl of raw nerves in her stomach, the kind she could wash away with a glass of water before an exam came up, rather it was something rooted deep inside a sliver of her breastbone like a splinter that told her to turn away. It was something that told her that the eerie dark was encroached by cruel intentions and to turn and run away without stopping and that she needed to breathe in air from the outside again and feel the last of the sun before it smothered itself out and set in her mind forever.

The further she progressed down, down into the darkness she could feel the cold air becoming thick like stone that had crumpled to dust, it sent her breathing harsh and uneven with the umbrage and glow suckling the breath from her lungs and her hands clenched tightly into cold fists and oh God she needed to run, she needed to run... It would only take a few seconds to reach the outside again and breathe in that fresh air, feel that warmth that would tell her it's all right, and it was only growing worse the further she went... For the first time in her life, though she may not have comprehended it just then, she felt truly afraid...

"...I want to go back... ...No, no I said-_did you hear me?! I said I wanted to go back, I want to go back, _**_let go of me!!_**"

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Hopefully that wasn't too horrible for my first story. I don't know why I wanted to write a Yeerk story, but for some reason concepts like mind control have always fascinated me. Thus the Yeerks have always fascinated me, and thus this story I s'pose. It gets deeper into the inner conflicts as well as some outer conflicts as the story progresses, so try to stay tuned.

And as for a review policy... I don't really have one. Review and go as you like, I don't really care about reviews. I'm here to hone my writing, not fish for compliments. (Meaning that if you think something could be done better, or if you have an honest critique, don't be shy about reviewing because it's very much appreciated. ) ) I don't need any reviews to continue this story, because I have more chapters written and posted for this story regardless, but it would be a nice perk of cross-posting my work here.

Thank you for your time, and until next chapter!

-Z.K


	2. Family

All righty, much to your horror there is more of this to be read! 8D Although I would like to thank Terenia for the kind review, the attention is very much appreciated, and I tried my best to apply the advice you've given to this chapter regarding the format. (Sometimes getting into an alien's head gets you kinda lost in the character, so it's hard to see all this stuff for yourself. xD)

Disclaimer: There's a house on the other side of my neighborhood that creaks really loud at night. It scares me. Such scaring it does.

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Chapter One: Family.

((What are you doing?!)) Mandy's mental voice came shouting, briefly returning me to the present as I walked our body up the corridor and back out into the lobby alongside Temnan 254, or Teresa as she had been formerly known as in tow behind us.

((My legs...my mind...!)) she cried in protest, clearly feeling my invasion of her memories.

((All mine, human.)) I replied back simply. ((Your limbs are mine now to use, your memories are mine to read, your mind is mine to sift through.))

((There's no way in Hell you're gonna get away with this!!)) Still her voice was so brash, so angered, holding the wild edge of defiance that could only come from a first time involuntary body like a caged beast being denied its open fields, bellowing in the hearth of its enclosure and clawing the bars.

I could feel her presence thrashing beneath mine; her anger, her ferocity alone now surging her will electrically into me to gain back any sort of control, fierce efforts indeed that I crushed easily enough beneath my will. That in itself was easy enough with her failure to understand her mind was now merely an extension of my being, the control absolute.

((You know, we've enslaved plenty of races, hundreds of each said nearly the exact same thing. So if you take the time to consider how _wonderfully blind_ your people are to what's happening, I would say I'm going to get away with this rather nicely.)) I retorted, speaking only the truth and keeping my tone glacially factual.

Although perhaps there had been a facetious edge to it that I unintentionally added, an edge I felt her positively seethe upon as she continued raging against my will.

"How's the new host, Timmron 348?" Temnan asked kindly behind me, to which I turned to face her with Mandy's smile as I thumbed her hair behind her ear.

"Still fighting, but fairly easy to control." Mandy's medium pitched voice echoed my thoughts rather snugly, I thought. "She isn't one to give up easily, but I'd say... ...a couple weeks, give or take a few hours."

She was positively stunned now, the faint sound of her own voice saying words that were not her own briefly pausing her enraged hysteria. She was completely silent and considerably wide-eyed and slack-jawed (in terms of mental senses, anyway) with her thoughts running blank, save for trying to decipher just what I meant by two weeks. But that curiosity was of no concern to me, if my estimate was correct she would discover the dark definition for herself in due time.

Temnan shared the same cruel smile I had upon my wager, my exceptionally good mood not one to be easily smothered by such cries and curses or snagged by the ill snares of the host mind writhing beneath me. "Two earth weeks, Timmron? She put up quite a struggle coming down here, are you so certain about that?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest and raising a slender brown eyebrow over faded blue eyes.

Temnan's host's face I noticed could easily be perceived to be that of a doll's beneath her control... It was only through Mandy's eyes that I could see the festively plump structure of her face… I could actually see the finely crafted roundness of her rosy cheeks, accentuated by her brown hair tied back into what Mandy called a bun.

I could see the wrinkles by her dim eyes that scrunched the structure together and gave her the complexion of an aged apple. I will tell you, that humans have such sharpened senses in comparison to that of Yeerks; they have eyes that unlock dimensions of bright color that Gedds might only dream of, or at least they'd dream of it if they had the intellect to ponder such things...

And such a colorful, encompassing world!! So rich through human eyes, such secrets a world that flourishes like this must contain!! The girl's memories held so much more beyond the sight, much to my steady elation; the smells of the loamy earth planting flowers in the park, of the fragrant lemons in the solution as it scrubbed off paint on the walls of the daycare center, the tantalizing aromas of soups and baked bread hanging deliciously in the solemnity of the soup kitchen's dimly lit and depressing atmosphere...

"...Timmron?" Temnan called me across the distance of the rising glee within me. "Timmron? Are you having problems?" she had curled Teresa's aged mouth into a slender smile, before I turned from both the memories and angry rantings of my host and unknowingly smiled.

"No..." I replied slowly, slightly embarrassed by how much the human mind had ironically, and silently possessed me. "But these eyes... ...These eyes are incredible! And what a glorious world of colors to see it all through!"

Temnan chuckled well naturedly, seeming to understand my plight. "Much better than the eyes of the Hork Bajir, although they clearly lack the battle capability Visser Three would prefer." she said, holding the feeble human hands out for emphasis.

"Visser Three... hm." I scoffed a little, knowing of Temnan's rather unconditional loathing for that militantly bent buffoon almost as well as I knew her entire being. I said nothing else with my host having stilled her protests, rather suspiciously with questions as to what Hork Bajir and what a Visser Three was. It wouldn't matter, she would learn what was needed in the Yeerk world, in the same due time as I would learn what was needed in the world of humans.

But I briefly noted a thought or two of protest before I voiced them aloud. "My host mind says that this assumption is wrong. That there are humans who practice all assortments of battle styles, most particularly the martial arts. They've even killed one another historically with such battle arts; perhaps if we all educated our hosts to this then Visser Three will have the brutal force he desires." I said dryly.

Temnan shook her head. "Negative. Such practices are only truly revered in a distant land called Asia. And no martial arts have caught the Andalite bandits yet, I'm to assume they're not as powerful as human media emphasizes."

She edged her way past me, a rather dulled color flaring in her eyes that read she was growing tired from all the meetings and new infestations that had transgressed tonight, eight voluntary and three involuntary, my host among them. She turned her aged face over her shoulder.

"You know, I'll hold you to those two weeks." her voice had become devious and playfully menacing, to which I gathered Mandy's belongings and began to depart myself, having noted the time.

"As harshly as you would like." I replied simply. "Until Wednesday, Temnan 254."

Now we were both alone, my host mind and I walking down the sidewalk away from the Citizens Center with a bright smile and what humans called a cheery 'spring in my step'. I still had a farce to uphold after all, that I had just come out of my first full member meeting, I had had an excellent time, I had clearly enjoyed myself...

Or so I emoted, though I feared Temnan's subtle error in her demeanor that Mandy had noted, that I was too cheerful and too happy to the point of arousing suspicion.

((There's no way you're going to fool my family.)) Mandy spoke for the first time in a long while, a bout of smugness and ill-found confidence rising in her mental voice. ((I swear to God when all this is over, I'm gonna rip you up into a thousand fucking tiny pieces.)) I mentally disregarded such threats with boredom regularly, but still I could not resist a taunt or two for my own ethnocentric divulgence.

((When all of this is over?)) I mocked her silently, immersing myself pleasurably into the cold rage that was feverishly rising in her mind again beneath my good spirits. ((Do you not understand what has happened, slave? Allow me to explain... your body, your mind, your life, your entire point of _existence_ as of this day is all mine. You now serve the Yeerk Empire. You now serve _me_.))

My host's thoughts were ensnared by the anger and fear swimming within her as she felt the incontestable honesty in my voice; as arrogant as the words were, it made them no less true. I noticed that emotions heavily influenced her arguments, she was an almost admirable tactician in forcing her heart into every reply as if somehow passion made things matter, made things substantial, made things right.

((I don't serve you. You're wrong... You're wrong!!)) She tried to shout it aloud, the order of course to speak smothered by my permission. ((My family knows me! They'll know you're not me! They're gonna be pretty fucking confused who Visser Three or whoever is, and I don't have any friends named Temno or whatever, I know that much!!))

((They'll learn in time.)) I replied simply, unable to keep the smirk out of my voice. ((Particularly, when my brothers slither into their ears and enslave them too.))

That had done it. I felt her primal passions; her rage, her pride, her complete and utter terror seize a far more desperate control over her senses as she now flung herself against my restraints. Her arms mentally thrashed, her legs kicked and flailed, the mental realm as it were began clouding with unintelligible screams as she fought valiantly for control beneath my power. The host mind was cast chaotic with panic, her logic and confidence abandoned.

It was strange, that as I felt her essence become swallowed by the terror-driven rebellion I detected no sentient thought in the cloud of timeless rage. They were utter surges of what I estimated must have been complete and total insanity, a feverish rise in cold emotions that sent her shrieking and crying in her own head, without any idea at the moment just what she was doing or who she was even screaming at.

Bored with the display, I simply tightened my control over my host, the savagery was thankfully short-lived and left her exhausted in the corner of her mind and screaming at me the moment she could articulate what she was feeling into….less than eloquent words, sorry to say.

((You motherfucker, you stay away from them!!)) She shouted and ranted. ((_**Stay away from my family, you fucking stay away from them!!**_))

((I'm afraid that's an unreasonable request.)) I said with sanctimonious regret. ((If I'm going to be playing you, then it would rather be out of your character to stay away from them now wouldn't it?)) I asked mockingly, before she simply retired to silence.

Her clear and irrevocable loathing for my arrogance, my entire being and the fact I was right practically glowed in brilliance from her essence. It hit me very suddenly with a dark impact that sent me searching again through her memories, if only to lighten the mood.

She made no protest, she had predictably taken to plotting vengeance and murder, her senses in the mental state reeking of fantasies of stomping upon my vulnerable slug-like body on hot asphalt, boiling me alive on a stove and preserving me within an amber, still and helpless as a trophy on her shelf, with many others following the same morbid suit that I simply and emptily dismissed.

I had the task of searching among her vital memories to assume her role, a much more important task than crushing these thoughts as easily as I had crushed her resistance, let her imagine all she wanted, it was probably a consolation and my first act of kindness to this useless animal.

A mother...Grace, and a father... Lawrence Charles. A younger brother... Mitchell, and a younger sister impregnating the mother, six months along the nine month human gestation cycle to be named Lucy at birth. For the sake of preserving a future host body, it meant that the mother was safe from infestation for another few months.

The other two males would prove useful however, their bodies were sturdy, slender and tall, and they seemed malleable enough for a decent line of Yeerk control based on their history. The newborn human child however would not be an acceptable host for a few years, though if raised beneath Yeerk surveillance than the human child's mind was most certainly susceptible to even becoming voluntary. Until then she remained out of the question… which I suppose is what brought me to my host's thoughts on this unborn child.

She would often wonder what the new human infant would look like when the time came, if it would have the father and her brother's green eyes, or perhaps she and her mother's own soft brown eyes, or if she would have her father and her brother's short sandy blonde hair, or she and her mother's auburn tresses.

All of this had been rather jokingly wagered upon between her and her brother, already she had won their first wager that the new infant was in fact a girl. Useful information to regard the child's birth in the upcoming months. She fantasized often enough about holding the child in her arms, holding it very close to her so that she could whisper affections to it as she rocked it to sleep, smiling as the tiny child's eyes slowly fluttered shut, clenching a tiny fist, gumming open air in a murmur as she leaned deep into her heartbeat...

It was a lonesome night of dreamlike sorts; the large novelty Hello Kitty clock read a quarter past five on the far right pink wall of the quiet little nursery. She suspended her bent elbows over the crib's bars and wondered things, watched the baby slumber peacefully, wondered if this were too blessed and too sacred to perceive as real, while concealed in the soft dark.

It was a different sort of dark to her, not the frightening and consuming sort of dark that made one wrestle with and face things unnaturally. Nor was it the kind of dark that blinded the eyes maliciously and brought the scent and taste of corpses to one's mouth upon imagination. Rather it was just the right amount of dark so that one could still make out shapes and trusted colors, the dark that enveloped one warmly and brought waves of unspoken love between two beings that lulled infants and couplings to a light and grateful sort of escape. A dark that served a way to turn from the light that would reveal a whole other day to trudge through...

She reached her hand out and felt a solid beneath her fingers, something soft and sleeping and innocent. The full moon barely sank into the horizon outside the nursery window, where her mother's garden could be unevenly delineated, and the light decanted into angular and soft glows on the baby's toys, the rocking chair, and blended inconspicuously into the warmer glow of the little ladybug nightlight.

Mandy's emotions in this fantasy were pulsating warmth and absolute love and affection; she pictured so many things... Lucy smiling, laughing as she flailed her tiny little arms, toddling her first wobbly steps and blathering out her first words... The thought of such things always sent her heart fluttering with pure elation, the serene little moment always had her near tears every time she imagined it and wanted so badly for time to hurry itself...

Within this fantasy there came other memories, very pleasant times she was fond of holding onto.

She was smaller, about seven, Mitchell was five and her parents brimmed with inexhaustible youth that attracted the company of their grandfather, Jacob. The park by the lake was the family's favorite spot, the sun seemed a little warmer, the air a little richer from the fragrance of the softly rolling water, the hot dogs and hamburgers their father would cook over the flames of a rental grill a little more piquant and filling.

There were memories of the taste of the hot dogs smothered in ketchup, the feeling of the warm sun on her hair and the itch of tall grass on her skinny legs, there were memories of an ultimate and long past freedom that I felt Mandy still long for.

There was the rush of wind through her auburn ponytail as she and Mitchell took turns pushing each other on a large tire swing, the joyous anticipation as the tire creaked its way out over the sparkling little cove, gathering her courage and finally taking the commoving leap out into the lake...

Then came the innocently thrilling rush of the cool water, a momentary grace of floating and breaking the surface with a great splash, shrieking with laughter as Lawrence came wading in after her...

The weather was always enthrallingly gorgeous in these memories, the sun glimmered without a cloud in the deep blue sky, warm and admirably exhilarating... There came from this memory alone others as if the emotions and images had been conjured, spun out the ether into an inexplorable mass of time and darkness that told me I was recalling these things better than her own conscious mind could.

There came the calamity of terror and desperation as she ran from an angry and territorial swan that had made its nest by the tire swing, the frustration and anger of her first kite crashing down into the tall and dry grass, then came the child-like awe and brilliance as she watched fireworks explode into iridescent sparkles and flames, with a startling thunder that sent Mitchell screaming and in tears to his mother.

She remained by herself, watching the display from the grey murky shoreline, deciding that she wanted to create colorful and beautiful things like that one day...

((Having fun, Yeerk?))

Mandy spoke again from the back of her mind. Her mental voice steadily grew angrier, as I realized I had been replaying these fantasies and memories unto her as well, encompassing her within her past and her hopes for a future and thus she realized now how much more I had stolen from her.

((Are my memories fun to watch, Yeerk? Is it all reality TV to you? Oh, don't mind me; I'm having a fucking blast. I just wish I had some popcorn.))

I said nothing. It was within that moment that I noticed I had reached Mandy's home. A considerably larger house that the family had moved into, their former home proving too small to accommodate the growing household with the baby on the way. It was far from new to them, they'd lived there nine years now having planned the pregnancy exclusively... ...there were times she would regrettably recall their old home, lost in a haze of nostalgic luster.

Of course, I now knew these things as intimately as she did; I knew the truth behind the mysteriously cracked banister where Mitchell had struck it with his baseball bat after coming home angry from little league practice, I knew that within the doorframe into their shared bedroom were carved-in notches indicating their height over the years, I knew how much she had cried the day she found out that they were moving, and I knew she had screamed at her parents that she hated them and had run over to her former best friend Amelia's house until sundown.

Then came memories of their current home, such as stabbing her brother's shoulder with a fork when he made fun of her drawing for third grade art class, and writing letters to Amelia that were never answered...

"Mom! Dad! ...I'm home!" I yelled through the house upon entering, slinging Mandy's backpack to the floor in the foyer before trying to head upstairs.

A fairly middle-aged woman resting her hand atop her round stomach turned around from a stove in the kitchen, using her other slender arm to stir a concoction atop the burner. A very sweet aroma hung pleasantly in the thick of the kitchen and the bottom of the teal-carpet stairs, and Mandy's mother greeted me with a smile that rivaled the sugary nature of the smells. Filling for a strawberry pie, Mandy's brain offered.

"Hey honey, how'd your meeting go? You have fun?" She asked, before rather firmly adding, "and that's not where your book bag goes."

"I'm getting it, I'm getting it..." I was careful to use the exact same tired and dry tone, the exact same words, the exact same inflection as Mandy as I gathered her belongings up once more.

I couldn't help internally laughing at Mandy's absolute shock. Up until that moment she hadn't believed for one second that I could pass for her, she held on desperately to some falsified hope that her mother would look at me in vehement revulsion as I walked in, grab the sides of her head, and with enough forceful shaking loosen my grip until I came sliding out of her ear, rendering her free again and this entire experience a begotten nightmare behind her.

She was most definitely not so skeptical of my abilities now.

"Meeting was all right... Finally became a full member tonight!" I said, edging a little pride into Mandy's voice as I folded my arms with a sagacious nod; her mother briefly abandoned the sweet mixtures, all smiles and pride when she caught me near the bottom of the staircase.

"Full member? What, is that like a secret club or something? For doing all the work you did?" she was smiling warmly, masking a tired soreness that clearly marked she was worn out as Mandy was keen to guess when she smiled so softly.

Carrying Lucy was becoming a great exhaustion to her, the weight of her bulbous stomach arching her lower back in the opposite direction and swelling her ankles, revealing angularly curved varicose veins in the shade of her long skirt. Mandy was growing concerned for her mother; clearly it was a questionable condition for her to be up and about in.

"Mom, how long've you been up like that?" I asked rather than directly answering, infusing the just amount of concern into her voice, raising her eyebrow to mask the expendable vulnerability. Like the mixture of ether I measured Mandy's inflection, used her memories and expressions and with an effort I blended them easily enough into a brief fabrication of the same person beneath me like ingredients.

Hopefully enough to render my priorities malleable enough to become a subtle undercurrent, so subtle the alien nature of them would become lost from suspicion into the slipstream. Grace's familiarly airy sigh and her hands resting on her hips told me that so far I remained hidden in absolution beneath Mandy's stolen identity.

"That's none of your business. Lucy wanted strawberry pie and when Lucy wants something, she gets it." Grace smiled slyly. "So why don't you tell me what this full member stuff's about?" she asked, raising an eyebrow of her own.

I laughed dryly. "That's none of your business." I retorted ironically as I shifted the backpack's weight on my shoulder. "But yeah, I guess you could say it's all...a secret." I left off, as Grace threw a crooked smile back at me.

"Oh what, you guys doing some James Bond work? Big step up from cleaning 'Suck it' off a day-care wall." she joked, hobbling weakly over toward her brewing stove, and stirring the boiling syrup with a mixing spoon.

"Laser watches and everything!" I added sarcastically. "When's dad gonna be home?"

"Half-past ten. He's stuck closing again." Grace took now to roughly chopping the stalky leaves from a horde of plump strawberries with a carving knife, pausing only to turn an aged and suspicious eye over her still shoulder to add, "don't touch." as I drew silently toward the large bowl of plump fruit nonchalantly. "I don't know where your hands have been, double-oh seven."

I feigned a hurt expression as I drew my curling fingers back. "Pfft, fine... Disarm a bomb and this is the thanks I get." I murmured sarcastically, before pressing myself off the kitchen counter and heading back toward the staircase. "Call me when it's ready, okay?"

"Call you when I eat it all...got it." Then came the rough and muffled chops of a knife hitting a carving board behind me as I ascended the stairs and finally pressed open the door to Mandy's room.

Mandy had meanwhile been left positively stunned upon what had just happened, in a nebulous way of speaking, before her very eyes. She was silent without protest and without obstruction as I threw down her backpack and had obliviously curled her mouth smartly into a thin and wry smirk. I turned my internal attention upon the human's sick fixation on the morbidity of what was happening.

((Oh, I'll never be able to fool anyone!!)) I cried theatrically, unable to hide the cruel bout of laughter. ((This was all a mistake from the start! Whatever shall I do? Whatever am I going to do now?! Surely you're going to stomp me flat, or boil me, or preserve me in some pickle jar now!))

Her silence, her unmoving stillness, her less obvious edge of hurt at the fact that her mother was as blind as I had said she would be and her newly crushed hope served only to feed my cruel impulses as I continued.

((So you finally understand what's happened, human. You finally understand that your life is no longer yours, and that with your memories, your very thoughts open to me as publicly as one of your newspapers, it won't be long before your family joins you.))

((If you bring any of them into this...)) she began slowly. ((I swear to God I'll rip you apart.))

((I personally invite you to try, slave. With every fight you rage against me, you only grow weaker. I can feel it, actually... I can feel your fear growing... I can feel your defeat drawing close... I can feel your logic and reason beginning to crack...)) the insurmountable smugness rose in my voice.

((Shut the _**fuck**_ up!!)) came the explosion, before she tried hiding once more beneath the calmer demeanor she had taken upon early infestation. ((Don't even talk to me. Leave me alone.))

A simple enough request, I did as she said deciding that this would do for the present. Within that outburst there had come a complete and total exhaustion flickering beneath the words, a sort of ravine she'd cast herself into, isolating the depression that came to most involuntary hosts within the first few hours past infestation. She was growing fatigued, rightly so from all of the fighting and raging and all of the circulating emotion, though she deathly feared what would happen if she fell asleep.

Having no access to my mind unless I should speak it to her, she only imagined dark possibilities that commonly ended in waking up to find us back at the Yeerk pool, her family in line at the infestation pier bound roughly by their limbs as their heads were plunged beneath the writhing surface of the sludgy pitch, my own cruel laughter echoing inside her mind briefly following the scene as it faded away into the ravine. Understandable. Most involuntaries were naturally pessimistic when they imagined abandoning their defenses for even an instant, as if they could do anything if they were awake.

((...If it's of any concern to you, it's far too early to infest them now.)) I said, working drearily upon her trigonometry homework on the little desk to the left blue wall of her abode. She didn't answer.

Fine by me, I reasoned as I leafed through a couple pages and managed to finish within the half hour of silence between us. Trigonometry was one thing she wasn't missing so long as I was here, the notion of such child's play mathematics proving difficult bringing me to reclusive laughter.

Her anger and defiance however were by no means smothered completely just yet, but for the present she was silent and cooperative which suited my needs just fine as I began her English reading. She earnestly tried to show interest, if even _The Canterbury Tales_ meant a distraction for the time being, but that too gave way to her gloomy torrent. It astounded me, she was crushed almost moreso by her own emotions than she had been by my control to begin with.

But it made the mechanics of her mind far easier to dictate, the only concern I had was that hopefully this despair would perpetuate itself in her mind, fueled off realization and ill stupor like a black-burning fire that would without question, destroy any hope or fantasy of freedom in its path. Make things easier for me; make the mind pleasurable for me, the mechanisms broken down into something simpler that I could call my own…

"Mitch! ...Mandy!!" Grace's voice broke my ongoing dullness as I mechanically snapped her books shut. "Pie's out here if you want it!"

If memory served me right, or rather if Mandy's memory served me right, Mitchell would be coming through the door about now at half past eight from the bustle and blaring of marching band practice. As I dismounted the stairs and headed for the kitchen, her memory proved infallible on that count; he came shuffling through the foyer with his tenor sax case in hand, his calloused and tan face looking darkened and beaten.

"Rough practice, band buddy?" I teased lightly, bringing his head shaking and sighing at me as he set his case down, pulled off his shoes and made a defeated trek for the kitchen, I imagine the aromas must have been entrancing by this point.

"Would have gone better if there wasn't any practice at all." he muttered darkly. "Only got half the opener on the field, the preview's in less than a month, and I swear to God Brenda can't even effing mark time without going out of step!"

He was justified to complain, I suppose. My host knew little about marching band, but with what praises of him and knowledge she had gathered from other students he was practically a prodigy at the sport, having become one of the first known sophomore section leaders in only a year's time. It seemed that he was already accomplished enough to make an ideal influential host to draw in his respective peers. The overnight band trips however could serve a problem; he would probably have to quit the band in order to serve us...

((If you think that his busy schedule is what will protect him, you're sadly mistaken.)) I said, the instant my host had thought that perhaps he would be too busy to join the Sharing.

Yes, it would require a consistent stream of persuasion but the boy was far from being out of our reach. Riiom 329 could probably deem him useful, or perhaps even Seerus 135 if the boy proved more influential than what I had gathered...

"That sucks...I guess." I sympathized mordantly; raising a slightly confused eyebrow and watching him head for the fridge to pour himself a tall glass of apple juice with a half-hearted mutter.

"Yeah." he said grimly. "It does."

"Well grab a piece of pie, it'll take the edge off." Grace proved more sympathetic than I did as it should have been, hugging him slightly around his broad muscular shoulders before heading to the counter with a carving knife in hand.

"Yeah, pie. The ultimate answer, right up there with throwing it up later!" I added cheerily, catching Grace's disturbed eye with a mean-spirited smirk that quickly fell under the ruse of an innocent smile. "What? I might go out for cheerleading!"

Grace shook her head, making her disapproval of my host's rather sardonic humor apparent. "You shouldn't joke about that, especially when Heather's working so hard on the squad."

Heather Lannings, Mandy's best friend of five years, the girl that stole a boy she liked back as eighth graders, the girl that she herself tormented regularly afterward for months on end until it all stopped one day when they were both suspended off the school bus for fighting. Understood.

"Geeze mom, if she can take a finger down her throat, she can take a joke." I said casually, taking a piece of pie from my mother as she handed it to me. Mitchell shared a roughly hidden snicker at this, though not hidden well enough to avoid Grace's disgusted look before she muttered a half-hearted good night and headed upstairs to her bedroom.

"That was pretty good." Mitchell still snickered tastelessly, a laugh of the likes that drove their politically correct mother mad.

"And probably true." I joked back blatantly, taking my slice of pie upstairs with me as I headed back up to Mandy's bedroom.

Pleasantly enough, not a sound from my host, who had taken to mining herself a deep corner in her mind where she fancied her thoughts to be still and safely masked. She thought that staying quiet and taking to calculating abhorrence in her corner would seal herself off from me, as the priest banishes demons from his church. She thought her corner an effective veil that should remain undiscovered and untouched by dark hands and thus it was something that mattered.

I of course had read into all these concepts that I still felt her skirt deep down into, like the frightened animal that has realized its mismatch with superiority. Her every thought still revealed itself to me as naturally as if they were my own when I commanded them to, thus things had only mattered for the few seconds I had been distracted out in this world that used to be hers.

The futility was almost depressing even from my own perspective; she worked so hard over absolutely nothing. She wouldn't reply if I spoke to taunt her as I had planned. She was far too busy constructing futile and empty sanctums of hate and self-pity and exhaustion. Instead I occupied myself with her memories, delighting in the aspect of showering my host's little sanctuary with the most terrible of her childhood memories that I could find, while her silence built on nauseated suspense.

* * *

Yeah...Timmron's a jerk throughout the first part of this story, pretty much. : (Seriously, the people that have read this so far reported that they wanted to kill Timmron the farther along they read. ;.; Aw, don't worry Tim'rn, _I_ still love you.) But for now I'm just getting the characters in before I really try to do anything with them, to prevent confusion and rushing things. But don't worry, in the chapters to come I have only the worst planned. 8D...

Again, while reviewing is optional, the attention is still much appreciated.


	3. Dreams

Yo. o.o; I'm real sorry about not updating frequently, but well...my Internet connection hasn't been so reliable lately. (And yes, I know it serves me right because only douchebags use AOL. ...Or so I've been told. (cough). ) But hopefully it'll let me post a chapter every week or so. So there you go. I'm also sorry if this seems like just a filler chapter, but I really kind of want to get in on Mandy's background, and I figured that this is probably the most effective way to do it. I've also applied all advice given thus far, and for the advice you all have my million thanks!!

Oh! And as for the Peace Movement, I've really given it some thought. u.u But I guess only time will tell. ...So be sure to give time plenty of beatings.

Disclaimer: Okay...question of the day... After playing Gamecube, Playstation, and X-Box, does anyone ever go back and play Nintendo 64 games and think you must be on acid to have thought those games the pinnacle of graphic development? I do. 8D...

* * *

Chapter Two: Dreams.

Perhaps ...it was the complications that these humans insisted on that drove me to such unquestionable pleasure in their pain. Upon immersing myself within the human's memories as our body lie limp on our bed, I discovered that many of the emotions were affiliated in the better memories by the accomplishment of trivial and short-sighed acquisition.

Human perceptions of accomplishment were riddled with both trivialities and complications. When there lied the possibility of acquisition, there lied brief interest. Instrumental styles of _retaining_ that interest lied in many more trivial decisions that were lined by fear, by bigotry and by any means valuable to them that meant nothing.

Nothing could ever be final, nothing could ever brush with nature, nothing could be tried without consulting some sort of outdated authority. Trees and forests diminished and canyons were flooding, powers canceled out and started vicious cycles over and over again. Things were not things as much as they were symbols, and these symbols meant more things, and these things meant more symbols that in turn meant other things so particular that they made themselves nervous, screaming and empty.

….Are you confused yet? Then I believe that I have made my point.

I suppose that my anger lied in how trivial and how shallow the principles of human decision were. They weaved tired and crippled webs and turned faces and opinions like broken masks, symbols hollowed out and meant nothing, canceled by another power, another tree would fall and another would scream to save the forests with a rusted tin rattling with pennies. Rather than persuasion, humans stared at each other with angry eyes and let grudges fester like disease.

But then came the dreams I saw.

Immersed entirely into the cloudy brilliance of nostalgia and whimsical marvel, I saw many things. She opened presents with Mitchell on Christmas morning and cried when he sent a foam dart sailing into her eye. She happily leapt into her mother's arms after missing her for so long, an entire summer apart from her having spent it in the gorgeous countryside of southern Canada with her grandparents. She screamed into Mitchell's already frightened eyes as he told her in awkward stutters that he had broken her new Godsmack CD when someone snapped it in half on the school bus.

A great deal of things that were empty vowels and full of outcomes that meant and made me feel nothing, with undefined feelings I dug even further. I had barely even noticed that I had pressed my host deep into the corner of her mind as I absorbed the cloudy presences, as the root suckles water and sunlight.

She was asleep, overtaken by the dull grey remains that were all she had left, besides an overlord that could see into every thought as an arrow pierces fog. Already the traces of some numbing dream came drifting into the way of my mental intrusion. Begotten images that remained mine to watch as any other Hork Bajir memory, or slow witted pondering of a Gedd.

First there came a landscape, it sharpened itself rather nicely from a lazily constructed mass of colors; even in dreams humans could envision so much more than our own eyes could hope to perceive. I admit I suppressed my jealousy and bit down the cruel urge to shout and wake her. It was a familiar place to her, the park, before a great deal of it had been torn apart for the little pagan-run coffee shop as my host's memory read.

Then came the familiar presence of my host, she ran about in her own body, free of the evils of my control down the curling white sidewalk out past the trees, adorned with the pleasant blushes of color from the late spring blossoms.

For the first time since she had been infested, I felt a very soothing calm draping around her essence, a steady-going current of warmth and affection that made the colors healthily rosier and the sun a little warmer…

Then I understood why, as another presence came emerging into the haze of gleeful brilliance.

He was rather tall for his age, tall and even with slender limbs and an angular craft to his structure. He had dark green eyes, nearly teal upon a glance, sparkling with laughter as he chased after her. She kept running and looking back as he drew closer… He brushed away his blonde hair, he caught her in his slender arms and he caught her laughing and warm… He smiled, she snuggled deep into the place between his jaw and his shoulder, feeling so much like she belonged there that she might have stayed there all day given the chance…

He grinned and she felt her heart bounce slightly, she hugged him closer, almost as if she knew he was a dream and longed to grasp this perfect illusion for as long as she could. His name was Jim, a sophomore in the state university now, hers for three years now...

And she knew that she was his.

"When do you go back?" Mandy mumbled, digging her fingers into his loose baggy shirt for the assurance, the assurance that she so desperately needed that this mattered. He appreciatively fanned his palm into the dip of her lower back, pressing her close to him and sighed.

"This is my last week off, then I go back next Monday." he said, trying hard to keep the sadness from his voice as he added, "but we really gotta think about that? Let's think about what we wanna do today..." he tilted her chin up with his hand, guiding her lips to his and brushing them with light kisses, innocent and sweet. "I dunno, you wanna go to a movie, or maybe out to eat or something?"

She wrapped her arms as far as she could around his broad shoulders and around perfection, mulling over the options and not caring about what they did because having him made things matter and oh God he was smiling...

I nearly laughed. Her fickleness had given way to the smooth softness of his hair and the handsome and spicy aroma of his cologne, her dread of the following Monday had drowned in the soft darkness of his eyes and her usual pessimism silenced its own tongue in the presence of his word. It was incredible what parts of nature you humans will gladly shallow out in favor of something you desire.

"We can just...y'know, spend the day together here can't we?" She childishly imagined for an instant, if even an instant that they could create new memories on the old tire swing with fireflies dancing as if struck up like a band. She imagined them beneath the glassy rolling surface of the lake together, the innocent rush of the floating and sinking, the warmth and love she felt as he swam beside her, they would both broke the surface, laughing and shimmering and oh God he was moving in for another kiss...

"You wanna go out by the cove?" he asked, a rather elfish and playful sort of mischief overtaking him.

One look at him and she knew what he was thinking from the glint in his eye, the glint of one that has been overtaken by something erratic that he almost couldn't control, let alone hide from her. They both contemplated the same thing; tossing their hearts to one another and losing themselves right there in the dark, the warm breeze, the stars overhead and the tall grass providing a mood that she couldn't deny, try as hard as she may.

...It was an absolutely outrageous thing of him to ask of her; it could smother the uncertainty of their romance, as she poetically believed, if they took this sudden desire of his too quickly.

It was swift and so clear of him what he wanted, it wasn't like her poetic and mysterious Jim to be so self-evident even when alone, let alone whenever he was with her. She knew relationships had strange and even subtle ways of changing people she thought that she knew, but still such a new pace was too much for her. The thrill and the excitement couldn't be worth the risks, both figuratively and literally... Not to mention what could happen if they were caught...

...But why did she feel herself smiling? ...Goddamnit, she thought. Why am I smiling?

"No.." is what came out, as she brought herself up to his eyes and drew her face close, nuzzling his soft strong neck. She could feel the pleasurable shivers rippling through that fit and comfortable body as he held her tighter. "...But we can like...go for a walk first, figure something out."

Still he retained that mischievous air that only those who are persistent in their obduracy could keep. He brought his other hand to her waist once more, nearly magnetizing their attraction to one another at their hips as he traced his perfect and warm lips around her temple so softly, so tenderly...

I nearly _scoffed_. Do the deed right now, you're about halfway there.

"Sure... Then maybe we can go for a walk around the lake...go grab lunch...maybe go catch a movie..." he kissed her gently for each idea he gave, with her chuckling pleasurably in response as she snuggled closer in thanks. "And then maybe we can head to the pool tonight..."

She nearly giggled. "No one'll be there!" she said quietly. "It'll just be us..."

He bit her ear softly, chuckling a bit. "Well we have to anyway," he said. "I have a few new host bodies we can infest."

Her heart practically stopped.

She was struck into shock like the rod by the bolt as her eyes widened, and she glanced up into the dark eyes that she had once thought were open portals to her.

"...What... ...What did you say?" she managed breathlessly, barely over the swiftly growing horror that had sent her limp as a doll in his arms, and dried her mouth out like parched straw.

His grip had become very tight around her, the fingers curling their nails savagely into her flesh and shredding away the resistance as she tried pulling away. "Jim... What's wrong with you?!" she cried out, hating how helpless she sounded, hating him as his arms swung recklessly with her body and threw her brutally into the pavement, hating how she dappled its once pristine design with spots of her own ….blood.

...Her own blood... ...He had hurt her, and drawn out her own blood…

The worst of it was that the pain was so distant for her; it hardly existed compared to the agony she felt in her heart as she realized what was happening. It only worsened as he reached into his back jean pocket, loosely palming out a sinister-looking steel canister that only brought back to her everything that had happened in The Sharing. He knelt down toward her, meeting her frightened and tear-misted eyes, paled of their warm brown color, with eyes that had that harsh and hungry glint of a predator as he hissed down at her, "Turn your head. Now."

The strange part of this was that rather than his own voice, somehow, my mental "voice" had taken his words. Somehow, my mental voice now came from Jim's mouth as he repeated the order to his confused beloved.

"You belong to me now," he said glacially, pulling out the slug-like body of a Yeerk from the canister and violently slapping her back into submission as she tried frantically to struggle. He held her head against the sidewalk, pressing the Yeerk closer as she spat out blood and screamed out, thrashed, kicked, punched and pleaded beneath him.

"Why?!" she screamed, utterly hysterical. "Why are you doing this to me?! _Why are you doing this to me?! _Why are-somebody! _Somebody do something!!_ _**Somebody do something!!**_" she screamed her throat raw as suddenly her family, her friends, Heather, her teachers, her classmates all congregated together and encircled the spectacle as if it were nothing. They all watched Jim brutally beating the resistance from her, slapping her mouth shut with every cry and shout, and they watched with expressionless faces and empty eyes.

"_You bastards!!_" she raged, as she felt the cold and familiar slither of a Yeerk slug inside her ear. "Why won't you help?! _**Why are you doing this to me?!**_"

((_**Why didn't any of you help?!**_))

Her thoughts had begun to scream now, as slowly the dream began to fade. The colors began melding together unnaturally at first. The sky became covered in blood, the concrete beneath her softened into the grass, the faces, eyes blank and mouths grim all contorted and twisted together into an arguably unholy cacophony.

Then suddenly her senses betrayed her, something that disturbed me in the sense that I could only imagine the confusion she felt. Suddenly, she could taste the concrete through her shaking fingers. She became blind, and her mouth began to smell the air with her tongue as the serpent does when hunting, which became so disorienting that she screamed on and on inside of her mind rather than through her figurative mouth just to keep the fright suppressed…

She was thrashing, sobbing beneath my control and whimpering, the emotions all crashing into such a fog that I wondered if this were a dream myself. Such violent and thrillingly excelled anger, complete and total despair for her situation, begging herself to wake up and feeling utterly deprived, like the starving man that reaches for a slice of bread deliberately planted inches from his trembling fingers.

The feeling was something that could be compared to being trapped on the bare and bone-like plane of the inferno. She was so frightened and confused, she fought and struggled this entire way until eventually the entire dream just faded and ebbed away. I said nothing, waiting faithfully for her to gather her tired senses.

She was very silent. Resigned, almost, she caught a glimpse of the alarm clock blaring ten past three but didn't care what time it was. She wanted to go rummage through her backpack, dig out her cell phone and call him more than anything. She almost wanted to break up with him and scream about how deceitful and horrible he had been, or how he would be to her, then to throw the phone against the wall so hard and not care what happened. She wanted to scream at him to stay away from her, to beat him as he had beaten her and to tear him completely apart, she wanted to tear things apart, she wanted to call him and tell him that she loved him no matter what happened.

But of course her desires to go find her phone, to call him, to do all of this were well denied by my control which is when she remembered everything that had happened. My presence could no longer be concealed from her, and she remembered who the master of this body was.

((….Fuck!!)) She cursed. ((_**Fuck!!**_))

((A rather interesting dream,)) I greeted calmly. ((I didn't really care for the more…intimate elements, but I admit I didn't see the end coming.))

((Why don't you shut the hell up?! Y'know, I'm glad my nightmares are so fun to watch. I thought 'leave me alone' was pretty easy to understand!!)) she raged against me once more, trying to throw her arm against my restraints and thrash her arm, clench a fist, anything she could do cursing inwardly, taking all the anger and rage she felt out on me, as per usual.

((Why do you still fight?)) I asked rather boredly as she collapsed, so to speak, within the corner of her mind. She didn't answer, burdened by her exhaustion and once more bitterly resigned to the deadened edge of her thoughts. ((Do you not feel yourself getting weaker with every fight? You're only making it easier for me.))

Yeah? Well if I don't fight, no one else is gonna fight for me. she replied sharply, though she failed to hide the fatigue in her mental voice as I felt her anger become dull and tranquil, her defiance faded in place of self-pity and hatred for both me and for herself.

Hate rose and fell in her chest mentally as if she breathed it in, the hate for her rising fear of what was going to happen, the hate for what _may_ have happened, the hate for what _was_ happening, the hate for waging wars on herself when right this second a man like Jim, or worse, Jim himself may have been holding down Heather and infesting her with one of us.

She hated the lead-like fear that by some chance, I should walk down some familiar place and approach her friends, or perhaps a small child in the park, even her own parents and that I would call them by names and numbers she had never heard before, screaming with no way out. Screaming because silence was harder.

It was ill human nature to be silent rather than let the demons and grudges tangle in the skin like sweat and fear.

_Something about silence deafens and smothers out civilization; something about silence rips away the police chief, the priest, the banker and the teacher… It twists the conception of the universe and what it should be… Things felt like they were missing once your world was sampled and then you were thrown into another, it was kinda like trying to savor the taste of chocolate from a glass of water… _

((Stop it.)) she said sourly. ((I can feel you reading my thoughts.))

((And what thoughts you tend to have,)) I replied coolly. ((So misplaced and unknowing, you have such a desire to sound so enigmatic and mysterious, all the while so tender and loving to your family. Quite a two-faced front you have.))

((Yeah, keep trying Yeerk. You make yourselves sound so superior, trying to bring down whoever you control, I know your type. That's not gonna work on me.))

((It doesn't matter to me whether I can 'bring you down' or not.)) I said with a rather silky darkness. ((I can control your body just fine whether you're 'brought down' or not. And I have to ask, since when is bringing down others a problem for you?)) I asked.

I laughed silently at the confusion I felt from her, and pressed on. ((You didn't have a problem bringing down your best friend when she stole that boy from you, did you? You don't have much of a problem sounding intelligent, not for the pursuit, but how you feel exerting it. You don't have a problem calling girls whores if their clothes don't meet your expectations, or your peers stupid if they prove fallible.))

((You don't know anything.)) she replied icily, focusing nearly all her energy to keep the rage rising inside her steady and even.

((Hidden deep in your mind are memories you've consciously kept away.)) I said. ((But I hear and see them as if they've just happened, human. I can see you slapping your best friend on that bus and I feel that empowered little smirk you wore doing it, I can hear her cries in the back of the classroom after overhearing that nasty rumor that she was cheating on her boyfriend for two other boys… You know the rumor I'm talking about, don't you? The rumor _you_ started?))

I couldn't hide the bout of mocking laughter at her silence as I began to replay the sounds of her memories back at her, the mental realm sent dizzily whirling around her with the cruel laughter, the mocking names she invented, and finally the harsh whispers of the other students alongside the pitiful sobs and cries of her best friend.

She was nearly sent reeling back as if I had presented her own bane before her; the forbidden memory had truly pierced an old wound.

((….That's in the past.)) her voice came wavering, and weakened. ((I apologized for that more times than I can count, you can't say who I am… I'm not that person anymore, I learned from my mistakes. You don't know _**SHIT**_ about me!))

I chuckled darkly. ((But don't I? I'm inside your mind, human.)) I said with a vicious pleasure. ((What _don't_ I know about you?))

She had no answer for that, much to my satisfaction.

But... still...

These dreams of hers were definitely an interesting way to spend the night.

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Again, reviews aren't all REQUIRED to continue since I don't believe in holding my stories hostage, rofl... But they're still nice, so leave one if you want:3


	4. Gratitude

Back yet again! o; Wanna take this time to really thank everyone for the advice and the nice reviews, you're really all awesome people:D I'm grateful for any and all of it, believe you me!

This chapter still focuses a bit more on Timmron observing human mentality, and human beliefs, and analyizing it for himself in a way he can try to get behind. (Well after all, a Yeerk observing human culture is a major point of the plot. xD) But the next chapter is when the real trouble starts, boy howdy. O! So be sure to stay tuned!

Disclaimer: Does it ever bug you when someone asks questions like, "Hey! Does it bother you that Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island?!" I mean WHAT THE. I'm always all "...WELL IT DOES NOW THANKS." WASSUP WIT' DAT i mean i don't own animorphs i only own timmron srry.

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Chapter Three: Gratitude.

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The rest of the night was dreamless for her; I would think that she was understandably depressed beyond dreams. Maybe even beyond any of the expected nightmares she feared, and kept awake as long as possible to avoid. But somehow, sleeping emptily in a dull cloud of numb exertion seemed worse for her. In accordance to her mind, it was the same sort of emotion when…. a built up rage bursts free, erupts out, only to accomplish vaguely nothing and it only bursts outward after eating everything inside like a worm.

There was everything I expected. Hatred, simplistic to configure into her desperation, there even lingered a hurt toward her family for being so blind as to what happened to her.

Such clouds easily configured into self pity and drove me to disgust with her. But then there came this sort of anguish that wore into a person and ached in a distantly off kind of way that didn't hurt, but didn't fade away so it could be ignored. The same feeling of a sorely aching and yet unfulfilled craving of the human body, like throbbing hunger for something beyond food, or agonizing thirst that scorched the throat and begged for more water...

She felt left with virtually all she had, nothing but a dejected corner and hating in her own head. Even when she awoke and greeted me as could be expected, ( ((Go to Hell, get out of my head.)) ) the anger had been diluted by a strange mixture of questioning something inevitable, and yet apathy I could hardly explain.

I awoke at six-thirty, stepped our body into and out of the shower and prepared us for school simply enough without much protest from my host. She had no hopes of deceiving me, nor was she ready to surrender and simply relinquish control of the body, inevitable as it was. She was torn into unusual mixes today.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'…" Mitchell sounded irritable when I called up the stairs to him, relaying Grace's call for breakfast that he came trudging down to like an exhausted laborer. He came moping through the kitchen, half dozing and his sore limbs swinging limply around him like heavy draperies, grumbling as he snagged a waffle out of the toaster.

"Lovely mood as always," I commented dryly, sliding in a couple of strawberry pop tarts for myself as he popped a syrupy bite of his waffle into his mouth and deliberately ignored me.

The sky seemed very different this coming morning, I observed through the kitchen window over the dripping iron sink. The sky had been sapped of its deep and rich azure color, now practically white and gray, pale and sick looking to my subtle disappointment. Certain blushes of gloomy color came rolling in over the trees, a chilling wind came whistling in through the open window and sent the curtains floating up like foggy veils and brought a scent that was heavy and damp like soaked wood.

Upon a glance at this, I felt a similar pang of gloom from my host's corner that I pushed forcefully aside.

"You coming or what?" Mitchell asked irritably, turning me from my apparent world of sick looking deep skies and grays as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and hoisted up his saxophone case on his side.

I mentally cursed my host for having distracted me, turning my back to a chilling breeze that icily raised the hairs on my neck and made me shudder.

"Yeah," I shuffled past him. "Let's go already."

Mandy's home was close enough to the high school to warrant walking apparently, as we took to the sidewalk and trekked on in silence beneath the damp ill sky. She never really minded not having a car; in fact she rather preferred the walking under the strong belief that it was healthier and more convenient anyway, although her opinion was completely blank at the moment.

Her brother looked exhausted and distracted, the last thing on his mind should be anything but conversing from how grimly his mouth pursed. "You have a sectional today so I don't have to wait for you, right?" I asked, both for the sake of clarification and creating conversation alone that he looked positively bored of answering.

"Yeah."

"And then you have practice later, right?" I ventured cautiously when he gave an annoyed sigh through his nose.

"Don't remind me, Porter's gonna have our butts tonight if practice sucks as much as last night." He said darkly, taking a moment to adjust his backpack hanging limply off his left shoulder.

I shrugged. "You're always so busy and stressed out with that stuff, y'know?" I asked, turning and giving him a look that seemed to both exert and expend concern for a younger brother.

After all, elders weren't supposed to show too much concern for the well being of their siblings, which I would find myself baffling over every day I should reside within a human host, but never quite figure out.

"I'm a section leader." He replied dully, raising a questionable eyebrow that seemed to ask if I knew what I was saying at the moment. "I…kinda have to be."

His voice was airy and sarcastic, as if I should have known that offhand which of course, I paid no mind to just as Mandy wouldn't have. I wasn't trying to lure him into The Sharing, as my role read clearly. I was just an older sister, offering a situation, a solution, to relieve all the stress that had been forcing him away from his friends and his family recently. I was just the big sister making the friendly suggestion. I was just Mandy.

"You should try coming to a meeting of The Sharing," I said casually. "we do a lot of stuff that'll help you unwind from all that work you do with those kids."

((No!! _No!!_)) Mandy shouted from the corner of her mind.

((Shut up, _shut up Yeerk!!_ _**Shut up!!**_ You're _not_ dragging my little brother into this!!)) She screamed, raging against my mouth as I went on talking.

"We have barbeques, we chill out and listen to music, and you could do your homework there at the meetings if you…came with me." I finally took a moment to press Mandy again back into her corner, away from the front, though it took a second if even that long of hesitance to silence her before I could finish. He shrugged. He hadn't noticed my falter.

"I'll think about it. Jessie's in that thing too, she says it's fun." he said, much to Mandy's dismay that swiftly ate away the brief victory she felt in having pressed silence thinly unto our mouth, if even for a moment.

We walked the rest of that winding way in silence over the distant and muffled crash of thunder behind us, or so Mitchell and I did, but my host proved more clamorous than the oncoming storm did.

((You realize I'll have to break you, if you begin to prove too bothersome.)) I stated coldly, more annoyed than I was angry as I felt her collapse yet again against the dejected edge of her sanctuary.

((Oh, so I'm bothersome to you now, Yeerk?)) she asked while trying to sound overly confident and smarmy, but it came out strained and monotonous.

((No. But your persistence proves annoying when you and I both already know the outcome.)) I said dryly. ((I don't understand why you keep fighting when you know you cannot win. Isn't human culture supposed to encourage you to be good hosts?))

((….Hosts to other people. Not alien slugs.)) Mandy replied bitterly, before she resigned to the earlier bout of depression that I felt within her when I got our body ready for school this morning.

She was exhausted yet again, mentally broken down and wanting for some reason to walk someplace morbid with polished gray stone and the dead, like a cemetery. She desired something solemn and reverent. Even if it was only so she could feel for a reason to keep quiet and feel things, feel things that gave her a reason to turn away and sleep the day off and shed morbidity like dead skin. Her thoughts were riddled with images and memories of last night, the tormented sobs of her best friend and her nightmare running together, blurring into screams that twisted her logic and sent her stumbling around.

I smirked thinly inward; I had tainted my host's little sanctuary, unhinged the sacred hopes and made things come undone and unclean. She was silent the rest of the way.

"Oh my _**God!!**_"

Mariah Cunningham staggered into homeroom, her short blonde hair soaking just off her fragile shoulders as she smeared running make-up off with a hand.

I smiled wryly through Mandy's mouth. It looked like not everyone was lucky enough to get inside before the rain had come pouring down; we had barely beaten the thick downpour ourselves, I still remember hearing the battering of the rain against the glass door just seconds after making it inside.

"I think we had a small shower this morning." I greeted her, keeping Mandy's voice as sarcastic as it ever would have been that sent Mariah's gray eyes flaring as she glared at me, sitting safe and dry behind our desk.

"I think _you_ should shut the hell up." Mariah replied shortly, pulling up her chair next to me and taking her usual place by my host's side as she took the time to wring the rainwater out of her short hair and shake it out. "Where's Ash?"

"She said she was gonna be late today yesterday." I replied apathetically. "Do you have any idea what today's homeroom's about? I don't."

"No, no one ever tells me a damn thing." Mariah groused absently, trying to wring out the sleeves on her short denim jacket and smear out the water on her hip huggers, huddling her petite form into her desk even more if it were at all possible.

She wouldn't prove a very strong host body; Mariah didn't really get out much, at the risk of abandoning the vicinity of her classical literature and the world of her books and music. She was in the marching band as well, a clarinet player, a woodwind captain, a piano player; she was a particular human of many intellectual talents. Her influence could redeem her lack of battle capabilities rather well, and she was easily persuaded. Infestation should take no longer than a month.

"Hey, where'd you go last night? You said you were gonna log on after your Sharing meeting, you never got back on…"

"Crap, sorry." I said with a grimace as I slung my backpack to the floor beneath my seat. "I became a full member last night, initiation was tough on me." I said with a sigh and a hapless smile. It wasn't a complete lie, as my host objected; she had been exhausted from fighting my control for so long.

"Full member? What's the difference between that and a regular member?" Mariah asked with a raised eyebrow. "You get to like, kick regular members asses or something? ….They hazed you, didn't they?"

"What's with you guys talking about hazing and members?" A third voice joined us from the right, as a blur of bleached blonde hair whirled by to take the desk behind us.

We turned and faced her as her bright blue eyes glinted with a perverse mischief as she folded her arms and rested her bony elbows on her desk. "Bit early in the day, y'all."

Mariah narrowed her eyes. "Oh sure, act like you didn't ditch me too, Ash-hole." She murmured, to which Ashley snorted and flicked her long and damp hair back over her shoulder nonchalantly, ignoring the rather unbecoming address. (Typically used when Mariah took to annoyance or unkindly impatience with her.)

I laughed in the same manner Mandy would have, disguising the inner mechanics of my true thoughts rather nicely. Ash too lacked strong combat capabilities, even less than Mariah with her lanky figure practically the greatest depiction of ultimate vulnerability.

But she would also prove the easiest target of these friends of hers; she had practically no extra schedule, she was naturally distant from her family, having to spend most of her time out of the house with friends, she was the sort to simply blend deep into the walls. She would probably take a couple weeks, at most.

((Stop it.)) Mandy said from the distance of her corner through the calculating clouds of my evaluation. ((If my friends are just meat to you, then just stop talking to them.))

((I'm afraid I can't do that.)) I said mockingly. ((But don't worry… If you're quiet from here on out, I'll see to it that you're there to attend each of their infestations personally.))

((Yeah. You would either way, you sick bastard.))

"Where's Heather?" I asked Ash as she tore off her heavy and soaking windbreaker and shivered slightly. "I had to ask if she still wanted to come with me to my meeting tomorrow." I felt Mandy writhe in her mind, and I laughed silently.

"She's out today, she had a real migraine this morning but she said she'd try to come in later when she could." Ash said somewhat sadly, much to my slight disappointment and for the first time, my host felt a great relief in her best friend's absence.

I could safely say the relieved feeling wasn't entirely for Heather being beyond my manipulative grasp for now, as much as her face brought back haunting memories after last night. She honestly just didn't want to see her right then, not while the torn open wound was still fresh and bleeding in her head.

She did however find herself in an irremediable awe at my abilities, which I admit… ….puzzled me somewhat, in the nature that this awe wasn't founded entirely in hostility and bitterness as expected…

She was actually a twisted sort of impressed, impressed that I could pry such a concealed scar out into the open. She was impressed with how effectively I could pierce it with as much clarity as time itself had, when she had lived it, and when she had realized her mistake and regretted it.

Such distant memories they had been within her, so distant that she had started questioning if maybe they had happened to someone else. If it was another town, another place, another person, another world and life completely, she questioned it all until she saw that I had stolen it all away from her.

And she knew that all the crying in the world could not grant me the sympathy with her situation to alleviate it. She could blame me easily enough for stealing her freedom. But she could not find the way to blame me effectively for having taken her freedoms for granted. She could not find a way to blame me, for assuming that her arms would always be hers, her spoken word would always be hers, her limbs and her family and her friends would always be hers, without taking the time to truly feel what these things meant.

They had all just been things that were there, they were basic mechanics in her life, they were meant to be hers and there would always be a tomorrow to say I'm sorry and I love you. But in just the hours I had spent inside her mind she now saw that none of this belonged to her. Not even the apologies, not even the I love you she would greet her family with, none of it was hers anymore.

….And it was there, right there that I detected a sort of dark gratitude beneath this heavy shadow of loathing and self-pity.

She felt shown an entirely new world of possibilities when her freedom was taken, she had been shown the gravity of significance. And in a sense, an optimistic kind of dimension had been cracked and tugged apart by more anger, and more longing for her family than she had ever known before I came along.

She still held on desperately, frantically to the notion that she would escape my control or that she would be rescued, but she now felt the need to passionately pursue her life with every advantage of freedom she could grasp, now that she knew freedom could be taken from her in even the most unlikely of instances.

…I had shown her all this apparently, as these new thoughts and beliefs came surfacing through all the gloom and evanescence.

Perhaps she felt the need to be optimistic for the sake of the sanity I was striving to drive her out of as her captor, but still… These feelings nagged and gnawed away like pests in her thoughts, thus they festered like diseases into my own mind and could not be ignored.

((You humans truly are foolish.)) I said as her thoughts echoed inside my mind.

At that moment, humans were strange and eccentric creatures in a way that I almost liked. But still, their foolishness kept the anger I felt for them well alive and pulsing within me like a physical spasm.

-

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Ah... See, Tim'rn's not a complete and total jerk. He does observe these things. u.u; ...He's just a jerk around ninety-eight percent of the time. And I've based these calculations of course, on absolutely nothing. :D Um... The review policy remains consistent. Completely optional. u.u; Though it's still nice. :B


	5. Assignments

Whoo! Um... Sorry about taking so long! 8D; But see, I tried to make this chapter a little longer. u.u; And hopefully the addition to the plot'll make things a wee bit more interesting. I'll still keep a great deal of focus on Timmron's cultural observations though, but I figured why not give him something to do? ...And maybe I just like causing trouble for my characters. But that has nothing to do with anything. 8D...

Disclaimer: Kevin McDonald needs to be in a horror movie. His screams would be hilarious.

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The rest of the school day until lunch, Mandy didn't have any of her friends in her classes; it was fairly easy to retain my cover saying nothing at all to anybody.

Mandy remained silent throughout the day, gloomy and morbid as ever as the rain poured down, class was taught in uneven intervals over the untamed thunder that boomed over our heads, but relatively a normal day, as could be expected.

Then came lunch, which I had been looking forward to as the predator awaits the perfect chance to strike.

They _all_ had third lunch together, sat by the same table, nearly ate the same foods when they sat together in such a fashion that disgusted me, but couldn't be bothered with.

I carried a foam tray in a ridiculously long line like everyone else, stared blankly into the pizza, salisbury steak and hamburgers like everyone else, gathered a slice of pizza, a tray of curly fries and a Coke, and I gave Mandy's assigned meal number like everyone else. The simplicity of the monotony twisted my anger into and out of mind, I would comment on such later. At the moment, I now had…three targets, eating at their usual table, laughing and chattering in wait over a shared tray of curly fries.

((Heather…! …No!!))

"Hey!"

I set my tray down, popping open the tab on my Coca Cola and taking a small sip, and briefly I… sat down, joining them in… …..truly relished the taste, the foamy and soothingly cool texture…

The sweet, dark flavor of the pop sent a very pleasurable sort of shiver through me inside of my host; almost to a point I was surprised she hadn't felt it. Culinary delight was proving a rather easily adored conception of sense while inhabiting a human body. Human taste was proving truly delightful, with so many delectable palettes as opposed to absorbing tasteless nutrients in the pool…

"Hey Heather, you ditched us this morning!" I accused playfully, the sound of my host's voice snapping my thoughts back into focus. Heather laughed at the feigned hurt in my voice as I grinned over a curly fry from the tray that I took for myself.

"I'm sorry, just…my head was killing me, I couldn't even get up out of bed this morning, y'know what I mean?" Heather held a palm to her temple, brushing aside brown locks out of her thinning and angular face, trying to retain a sort of calm in the jade eyes with a smile.

She was a tall body, though not quite the same lanky build as the female Ashley had; Mandy's brain even submitted that Heather was fairly strong and fit for her age class and gender, perhaps guard duty in the pools wasn't entirely out of the question for this one. Heather could prove adequate in luring others to the infestation pier as well all things considered, her loquacious ways and the charm embroidered within them could insure us plenty of host bodies with her middle ground in the median of many social circles…

((Don't even think about it!!)) Mandy shouted mentally. ((That's my best friend, _my best friend you son of a-!!_))

((She could prove a real true friend to us too!)) I cut in. ((Didn't your education system teach you how to share?))

"That sucks, it's probably this weather." I said heavily, tilting my head toward the rain battered windows for emphasis as a glint of lightning sent us all uneasy with surprise, a crack of thunder roaring sharply over our heads shortly after. "It should all clear up tomorrow though."

"It better." Mariah said irately, dipping a fry into a distinct glob of ketchup and shelling the entire thing into her mouth. "I'm not wringing all this shit out of my hair and clothes tomorrow, too."

Ash smirked. "Wouldn't be a problem if you'd just come with an umbrella, retard."

"…And you're one to talk…how?" Mariah gestured questioningly with her ring adorned hands and a raised eyebrow, sipping her orange juice down with narrowed eyes and grimly pursed lips. Mariah tugged Ash's damp hair gently with a hand, to which Ash briefly explained that she wasn't the one complaining about having her hair wet. The response sent the two into yet another irrelevant argument, an argument that digressed from my priorities, and thus didn't matter to me.

I was rather suddenly distracted anyway by the persistent rattling in my backpack, as if something were rattling violently against a hard surface such as one of my textbooks. I tended to the tattered noise, without even bothering to excuse myself from the civil fray as it swiftly descended into a quick draw of trivial insults between the two.

It was all the usual behavior as Mandy's memories recalled; Ash and Mariah had been created it seemed to argue vehemently against one another in many opposing instances. Mariah adored classical music; Ash blasted ground-quaking rap and hip hop in her car at any and all given chances. Mariah was a liberal, Ash was a bisexual, but was raised into a Methodist family. Mariah adored cats, but Ash owned three dogs. I am to understand that you grasp the polar opposition between them without incident.

Heather was already wearing that tired and thin smile that told me she was paying them little regard as well, as I pulled Mandy's still trembling cell phone out of her pack with an absent shake of my head.

"Who's calling?" Heather asked, leaning over the table and attempting to gain as best a view as she could sitting opposite of me. I narrowed my eyes slightly, reading the little encryptions on the glowing screen…

"It's a text message," I replied. "I don't know whose number it is though."

All it read was, "I KNOW." And the numbers were unfamiliar to my human host's memories.

Before Heather could inquire further, a dark-skinned hand suddenly slapped its way between us and started us both into the back of the booth with a loud clack.

The noise drew our eyes up to a grinning and round face with sparkling brown eyes, behind comically small glass spectacles that they wore over the bridge of their nose.

"Mandy, _there_ you are!!" Trisha Tompkins practically cried with a bubbly giggle. Heather raised a thin eyebrow questioningly at me. "I've been lookin' all over for you girl, you think you could help me out here real quick? We've got some plans for the scavenger hut for them elementary school kids tomorrow at the meeting and we needed to ask you somethin'."

Suddenly things became rather clear of their true indication, though I was fairly certain that both Heather and my host remained puzzled as to what was happening as I rose out of my side of the booth.

"This won't take too long will it? I got pizza for God's sake." I complained with all the reluctance I could muster that evoked another giggle from Trisha, and a shake of her head that sent the flamboyant jewelry in her earrings jingling cheerily.

"Nah, it'll only take a sec, I promise!!" Trisha said eagerly, leading the way for me to follow her. I did, although not without making certain to appear reluctant and apathetic to this entire ordeal as I mouthed 'Guard my fries!!' to Heather.

Heather nodded, delivering a sarcastic thumbs-up as I turned my way back to follow Trisha out of the cafeteria, both of us walking in dead silence as she led me back around a rarely ventured corridor, back by the vending machines and behind an abandoned stairwell.

….And as suddenly as she had appeared like the apparition at our table, Trisha's face instantly straightened itself of its ridiculous smile and became very solemn.

She started looking about, making certain that no one was around, with the happy little sparkle of human life completely dimmed out and extinguished. Mandy was empathically disturbed by it all; it wasn't a thing of human nature to discard happiness so quickly. She obviously wasn't accustomed to watching us discard the host's personality to break silence among fellow Yeerks, she was rightfully frightened by the sudden change. I discarded her fright, just as easily as Jeiyshod 129, if memory served me right, had smothered the humorous and bubbly spark from the eyes of his host.

"Timmron 348." He greeted through Trisha's mouth, in a voice completely emptied of the girl's usual cheery and cajoling personality.

The hollow and mechanical tone frightened Mandy even more. As recalled, Trisha annoyed Mandy with how talkative and cheerful she could be, especially when the time didn't call for such behavior at all, but this sudden change… This sudden change was not one she enjoyed seeing. And being infested by the evils of our control, as she saw it, was not something she wished on anybody no matter how much they bothered her.

"Jeiyshod 129." I replied with a slight, respective bow. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked, my voice assuming an acrimonious edge that brought a dry and appreciative smirk to Trisha's rosy lips. Jeiyshod always held appreciation for lesser ranks, having just been promoted himself, so long as these underlings possessed at least a promisingly sharp intellect and a barbed tongue that knew its boundaries.

"Actually, I'm just the messenger for this one." Jeiyshod replied, tilting Trisha's head and sending her iridescent earrings jangling as I stood myself upright again. "It is not I who holds business with you, it is Sub Visser 23."

The news sent my posture upright as the bolt, my heart stopping a mere moment as I sharply took in a quick breath. "Said it was fairly urgent too." The smirk hadn't fallen from his face as he folded Trisha's arms across her chest.

I inspected the face intently, searching for any sigh of this matter being a joke, even when I knew it not to be. Jeiyshod appreciated humor finely, but when it came to his business he was not a practitioner of jest, and nor did he condone it. "What does he want with me?" I asked.

"I'm afraid I can't reveal that here, very confidential matters. I'm barely avoiding demotion just speaking of it here; it's a very… tattered situation." Jeiyshod replied thinly, the smirk falling again into the solemnity of before. "Sub Visser said to be careful, that you'd pick up the matter with him when you met up with him."

I knew I would regret this, but I sighed inwardly and asked, "When does he wish to meet with me?"

"He's waiting in Riistram 227's office." Jeiyshod said, much to my inner dismay as I gave yet another inward sigh at the very image. "You've already been excused out of your host's next class, so I would comply rather quickly, if I were you. Now if you'll excuse me, my host has to go back to art class." Jeiyshod muttered with a roll of Trisha's eyes, offering a respectable bow of his own afterwards before turning on heel and leading me from the stairwell back toward the cafeteria.

"I don't envy you if I must say so, by the way." I could positively hear and feel the smirk in Trisha's voice as he limply grasped the double door handle. "Sub Visser seemed very irritable today."

"When is he not?" I murmured; I could feel another smirk from Jeiyshod as he pulled open the door and left my company, dismissively swatting a fly back out into the clamor as students began gathering their trash and filing out the doors to their next class, hurried by the harsh pitch of the warning bell. I of course filed back in through the droves to Mandy's table.

A rather sarcastic murmur of good luck was all I heard from Jeiyshod as we parted ways, and as suddenly as she appeared, Trisha had gone.

"Where were you?" Ash asked upon my return from my rather quick meeting. We still had a fair time left before our lunch shift ended, after all, thankfully there was still some of that sweet refreshment remaining…

"Sharing stuff, y'know, for tomorrow." I replied simply, biting into the pizza slice for the first time and… trying to absolutely conceal the relish I took in _this_ culinary venture.

It astounded me just how woeful these miserable humans were when they had such delights as this pizza, and this soda as they called it. How could the spicy, savory sauces, the delicate and yet flavorful, stretchy presence of the melted cheese, the chewy, perfect and wholesome feel of the bread… How could it _**possibly**_ fail to dilute the pain and grief and woes of human life…?

Perhaps having tasted such delicacies for the first time drove me to distraction from my priorities; the rest of Ash and Mariah's argument sailed right past me, I mindlessly spoke to Heather about how useless trigonometry was in the real world as I pulled out my homework and compared answers with her, and I barely read the questioning and worried thoughts of my host.

For that moment and that moment alone…. everything slipped into a harmony, a rhythm.

Everything was delectable and perfect. I savored the tastes in my mouth, I confined my delight to my private thoughts and I spat about Mandy's life as if it were my own, laughing and joking jovially alongside Heather about something called typos on the instant messenger chats the other night.

I did all of this to retain a cover for security purposes of course, but still it amazed me how such simplicity brought these creatures delight. They seemed so much more like sentient beings than the Gedds; they obviously held much more structured and pleasantly orchestrated languages, ideas and thoughts for their world's peace and for inward journeys to find identities and significance while they were still alive. They were well aware of death. They even mourned mortality and attempted to cheat it within their folklore, they knew time was short and continually moving.

They seemed intelligent and knowing, but still, it amazed me how in contradiction they also knew so little. These humans knew nothing of worlds beyond their stars; these humans barely knew anything of the worlds beyond their ocean even. They argued amongst themselves of function, of efficiency, they argued of things beyond this life and what lied beyond it rather than unifying together to create something their intelligence was truly capable of. They rejected ideas for financial means, for petty arguments over pieces of land, they were separate and under impression that anything outside their homeland's culture had to be of another species….

In all of this simplicity, I had to wonder why humans truly did combat our control. In all of this simplicity, why did these humans insist that our intention to make their race unified, part of something greater, absolve their petty arguments and make who was right no longer matter was of true evil? In all of this simplicity, without our intervention what could these humans possibly hope to achieve?

Still… This pizza was delicious.

That may have very well been the second time since infestation that I detected the possession of the human mind over my senses, but so long as there was no line of duty about to pull me out of this sure dream, I immersed myself pleasurably into control over the body. I laughed, I spoke, I ate and drank merrily. This body was mine in absolution.

…But of course… I should have remembered… The transient nature of moments like this was what warranted their beauty. The food disappeared, the conversation died beneath the ring of our bell, and as students filed out my meeting with Sub Visser 23 came falling back into mind over the rousing aromas and jovial chatter that died down over the shifting masses.

"See you guys later." I sent them off, using all the regret and annoyance in parting ways, perfectly balanced to send three of her best friends, the people closest to her in the entire world off without suspecting any shred of the truth. They were all headed for different classes, so of course my own venture to the guidance counselor's office should have been no concern to their knowledge, let alone their suspicion.

((Where're we going? English is the other way…)) Mandy tried feigning total confusion as to where we were headed; she was laughably under the impression still that she could hide her thoughts from me if they were kept silent.

((I'm well aware of that.)) I decided for now that her stupidity was not worth clarifying. ((But English isn't where we were headed. It seems that Sub Visser 23 has an assignment for me.))

((Huh. Skipping class to meet with your boss?)) Mandy sneered. ((I don't think that that'll stand okay with my teachers, Yeerk. I give it a little time before they figure out what's going on. They'll put two and two together.))

((And for all you know, every single one of your teachers could be Controllers.)) I replied right back, continuing on for her benefit when I felt her accept the fact that I had a valid point.

((If I manage to complete this assignment to his satisfaction, I will finally gain favor of the Empire. In a few of your months, I could even be promoted out of your body!)) I gloated, laughing silently at the edge of hope I felt in her senses. ((Don't hope for freedom, little human.)) I said jeeringly. ((If I move on, all that will happen is that you will be handed to a new Yeerk. A new master.))

((Well, I can always dream that someone _steps_ on you by accident.)) Mandy said dully, simply silencing herself away from me before I could read further into her intentions. We had already reach Riistram's office, the silence would prove most beneficial to obtain the objectives of my first assignment, it was fine by me.

"Lock the door behind you." Riistram 227 greeted me, in Mr. Philip's body from behind his desk with his aged fingers entwined to the wrinkled knuckle as I turned on heel and did as I was told.

There sitting in a chair in front of Riistram's desk was Sub Visser 23, piercing azure eyes watching and tracing my every movement beneath perfectly groomed and combed blonde hair.

His host was a presentable young human male, a well construed body of slender angles and well adorned clothes he probably kept ironed and excellently pressed. Considering the norm for the appearances of human youth, he seemed like a bizarre and begotten creature, entirely different than those he melded into.

"May the light of the Kandrona shine upon you, Sub Visser." I bowed, meeting my own eyes with his as he confirmed his approval with a rigid nod.

"And to you, Timmron 348." Sub Visser 23 greeted me from the young male's mouth, a host body my own host recognized right off with a sudden edge of realization in the form of a mental gasp.

((Josh Peack?! Josh was a Controller this whole time?!))

((It is as I said, human,)) I said seriously. ((Anyone can be one of us.))

"Please," Sub Visser 23 said coolly, motioning to the chair opposite of his. "Sit. This briefing will take but a moment. Riistram 227, retrieve the required files. Now." he finished glacially.

Nodding to his steel filing cabinet behind his desk, Riistram began pulling open the drawer with a typical iron clatter, shuffling through the files as quietly as his large hands could muster. The two of us watched him in silence.

"If I may inquire sir…" I began. "What would be…the nature of this assignment, exactly?"

He smirked, though nothing in his eyes read anything funny about the situation. "All in due time, Timmron 348. Shortly due time, unless a _demotion for incompetence_ suits Riistram 227 just fine." He replied simply, with barely a twitch of his head to Mr. Philip. This hurried him along in his search until he brought back the files, widening that smug little countenance of the student body president. Riistram 227 handed me the folder; upon a permissive glance from the Sub Visser I began reading through the contents.

In large bold letters near the top foremost page, I read: RUBICON. I raked my host's brain for any answers, but she proved to be as confused as I must have seemed as I noticed Sub Visser 23 nodding appreciatively.

"Investigative work." He confirmed my suspicion. "Not many have heard of this rising little band of rebels."

Upon reading a little further, I soon discovered why.

"…They're escaped hosts?!"

Sub Visser 23's eyes narrowed, the azure lure of them becoming colder as I bit my jaw shut, shuffling through the rest of the papers apologetically. "Exactly why we've kept this little group a secret. They're an annoyance, really, but there's no need to bother the entire hierarchy over this."

"And what of Visser Three? Or any of the other Sub Vissers? I asked rather bluntly, settling the papers into my lap. "Do they even know…?"

The icy little sneer in the Sub Visser's demeanor already answered my question before I finished. He let loose a cold little chuckle that made me reel back slightly.

"Oh, they know of a few escaped hosts all right. There's no hiding something like that from the hierarchy, hostless Yeerks are fairly difficult to miss." Sub Visser 23 said. "But they don't need to be up in arms over them banding together. Their only harm, however…" He seemed rather hesitant about continuing, thinking of a way to finish the sentence.

"…Their only harm, however… Is the beliefs they seem to adhere in their little movement."

Before I could ask, Riistram 227 held up a dismissive hand and silenced me. "They have more _prisoners_ than they do _members_." He said. "Let's just leave it at that."

"Prisoners…" I said. "They take hostages?" I looked up from the file, discretion failing in my voice for the discomfort I felt at this.

Sub Visser 23 simply averted his eyes to the folder I held in my hands, as if to answer my question through his gaze alone from how they glinted with a growing spite.

"They take Controllers, actually. Low ranking, but still perfectly subservient soldiers have gone missing, along with reports of missing humans that to our records remain uninfested."

I found that much when I reached a stack of dog-eared missing fliers, probably torn down from public areas so as to avert attention of the public elsewhere.

I read over the data that had been printed out on the back of these fliers about them carefully.

Eleven victims; five known involuntary hosts, three collaborators, and three uninfested humans according to the papers beneath their identification, that sent another uncomfortable edge through me.

"So it's a rescue mission…" I ventured cautiously, searching for any sign of difference or approval from the Sub Visser. There was none. Only cold blue eyes calculating beneath those blonde bangs.

"Not exactly." he said finally, taking the time to break the silence he held within his superiority as he leaned forward in his chair to whisper slightly, "But it does require swift investigation to recover those host bodies. We'll also have to infest the prisoners they've taken, we can't take any chances. Maybe they've told them about our people, maybe they haven't. But we can't afford to guess wrong."

"Wait a minute…" I said, holding up a hand and bringing his attention to the files. "These civilians…"

"Yes? What is it?"

My hand was pointing to the last names and addresses as I looked up. "These civilians were tied to the involuntary hosts, and one to the collaborators. Or at least they were close by. These two were neighbors; this one was the brother of a collaborator…"

…I felt the discomfort I had been feeling begin to thicken into nausea as Sub Visser 23's expression drew his mouth into a grim scowl. Obviously these connections had already grappled with him.

"They _all_ had connections to the hosts of the Yeerks captured; we clarified that early on in the investigation." Riistram 227 said slowly. I cast him a look as he clasped Mr. Philip's hands together and spoke cautiously. "Apparently a part of their campaign… is to capture and…. …eliminate anyone even _connected_ to the hosts..."

The thought of such measures silenced both myself and my host. Practically for the same reason, after all, according to Riistram we were both losing innocents of our people. We both imagined equally morbid things happening to those prisoners. Mandy imagined starved, scrawny limbs reaching for bread planted inches in front of them in dank basements with dripping pipes. I only imagined a fate far worse then any human could withstand…

Kandrona starvation.

The shock may have been clear in my eyes. It may not have been. Still the thought was enough to keep me silent, and when I showed no sign of speaking the conversation continued casually. Apparently my superiors had already dealt with the shock and the horror of such thoughts in their own way, perhaps this investigation had been ongoing and the danger was distant to them. Still, even the thought of such things were positively chilling…

"It's why we have to find this group and take them down _now_ before they draw too much attention." Sub Visser 23 continued. "All of us here can imagine that Visser Three will _not_ be pleased if something like this attracts his agenda."

All three of us fell silent, staring into the empty air with a callous reverence with Riistram and I knowing exactly what he meant.

Visser Three, the only Yeerk to pursue bloodlust as much as his own ambitions, had never been, and never would be known for his kindness whenever he was distracted from tasks at hand that he found more important. Particularly he was already one that practically gummed his way around rage, and that wouldn't make things any better if he found out he had to abandon his hunt for the Andalites just for a little band of freed hosts that we couldn't handle. I seriously had doubt that any of us would be so eager as to deliver that particular news to the Visser, usually delivering him bad news or anything he saw as a waste of his time meant a signed death warrant to the messengers alone.

It was no longer any mystery to me why Sub Visser 23 was entrusting only a select few with this classified information; without a doubt, Visser Three would dine on all of our heads if something like this became a distraction from the invasion. The very thought of what he would do sent me shuddering in fear inside my host's mind, not giving a care whether she felt it or not. I confirmed my understanding of this with a nod. Riistram 227 looked away with a muffled cough…

After a few moments, I spoke once more.

"Um…" I broke the silence awkwardly, after taking those few minutes to read through information. "I assume the human authorities are on the search for the missing persons as well…" I looked up worriedly. "What of them?"

Sub Visser 23's grim expression drew a rather thin and knowing smile that he cast to his cohort behind Mr. Philip's desk.

Riistram 227 soon bore the same smug expression. "….They _were_."

That told me all I needed to know through the coy gleam in the old man's eyes alone. All the detectives and officers on this case were either already infested, or they were going to be before all this was over. _Anyone_ getting anywhere _near_ this case, officer, journalist, lawyer or reporter alike would be Controllers within a week; RUBICON would never see the public light of day.

"…So my investigation, where does it begin? When does it begin?" I asked, settling the information by my feet on the floor.

"Whenever you can, wherever you can." Sub Visser 23 replied coldly. "I'd say we have a few short months before this information spreads any further than it already has." He finished sternly, folding his hands back over the leather arms of his chair, his demeanor solemn, the azure eyes dark. "Temnan 254 recommended you specifically by name. And I also had to _work_ to insure that your host is held with the host bodies of other Yeerks on this assignment simply for the discretion of this mission, a great chore within itself to keep this secret. So for Temnan's sake, I would prove more than competent if I were you. I don't care how you do it, but within that file is a compiled list of the other Yeerks who share the same assignment, their hosts and where they can be found. Collaborate and cooperate with whom you see fit."

I stood from my chair, slinging Mandy's backpack loosely over my shoulder as I disclosed the files between our textbooks in utmost discretion. "Yes sir, I will comply with the best of my abilities." Though I spoke calmly enough to my employer's satisfaction, still I could not conceal my short founded annoyance with Temnan 254. I most certainly didn't ask for handouts of favor among the Empire, especially in spite of her own imperial ascension….

"For your own safety…you better prove more competent at finding them, than they are at finding you." Riistram 227 added darkly.

We all fell deathly silent again. I paused where I stood, possibly struck for a moment by the grim visions of just what Riistram meant by the need of such secrecy. It was only after the muffled clang of a bell outside in the corridor, followed by the scattered and uneven hustle of footsteps that I remembered to bow stiffly in due respect, turning and meeting their scrutiny with solemn eyes.

"May the light of the Kandrona shine upon you, Sub Visser."

"And to you, Timmron 348. Dismissed."

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Ah...thickening the plot. I'm lovin' it. Like some kinda famous fast food restaurant. lmfao, anyway, I think Timmron's really starting to become interested in human psychology throughout his time within a human mind. Even if he still does treat Mandy pretty badly, he's fascinated beneath all that. ...It just happens to be buried pretty deep. :D;;

Again, constructive criticism and kind attention are optional, but deeply appreciated! Thanks for your time, you guys are awesome!

-Zri


	6. Preferences

By the way, GET IN THE CAR.

I mean yay it's another chapter. :3 (should NOT be posting things when she has yet to sleep. Har.) I'm sorry I haven't been updating as frequently as I may have promised, but just so much has been happening, omfg. For one, I've been trying to find a better job. And for two I've been planning around my new script, 'The Sirens of Moore Creek'. :B Yes, I _have_ been sucked into the insanity known as ScriptFrenzy, in which those of you familiar with NaNoWriMo (or also known as 'Novelist Suicide Month') probably already know what that is. :O anywho, this is a chapter where Tim'rn makes a few more cultural observations. And of course the next chapter is gonna be a living hell for him probably, knowing me. :D So thanks for your patience!!

Disclaimer: Stop _**exploding**_ you _COWARDS_. (shot!)

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((Sure would be a _shame_ if you messed this up.))

Mandy jeered at me for what must have been about the fifth time since my meeting, as I jotted down notes and equations from the whiteboard. I simply ignored her and said nothing as I flipped notebook pages and pretended to pay some attention as her teacher droned on and on about who knows what. Most human mathematics were mere basics to most Yeerks, it wasn't uncommon for Controllers to be found looking even more bored with the subject than most humans were.

Still, my boredom with math was the farthest thing from my mind. Currently my mind was troubled by the thoughts of my assignment, but it wasn't so much as the outcome of my personal failure that bothered me. If I failed this assignment, the worst they could have done was demote me, since I was merely a recommendation. I had not promised to be a spy, I had not promised to be an upper class informant and nor had I encouraged or claimed the title from my diminutive status. It was thoughts of those begotten Yeerks that troubled me. For the moment I didn't care if my host felt my emotions or not, thoughts of those Yeerks, those innocent soldiers, my mind was riddled with the demise they had met at RUBICON's hands. The only possible demise they _could_ have met.

Kandrona starvation.

It was possibly the most maddening, the most horrible fate that could befall a Yeerk in any instance. Even the sheer thought of it sent the familiar pangs of hunger echoing and resonating through us. Eight dead. Eight Yeerks, eight innocents dead already, at the gnarled hands of some mockingly divine retribution flung on us. The very thought of meeting my fate at the hands of these murderers cast me silent in self-possessive fear. Morbid inquiries stormed inside me; what would appear during my Fugue? What would I unknowingly unleash into my host before I died? How painful was Kandrona starvation truly, and how would I know the end came if I were flooded with memories?

The thought of my body writhing and twisting in hunger and thirst all at once, drying, screaming and shriveling up drowned in both my agony and my final memories, isolated, without an understanding of hope, it cast my eyes to the floor unmoving and gravely sick.

((That's right, Yeerk.)) My host sneered at my silence, picking up the uncomfortable edges of my emotions. She had no clear idea as to why I remained quiet, but still she could feel that something about RUBICON's sadistic methods truly bothered me. ((You mess this up, Sub Visser 23 and Visser Three are gonna see to it that you're stepped on. Crushed, Yeerk. They're gonna burn your body on a broiling flame, send your blood _boiling_ inside you until you feel ready to burst…then your skin will come _scorching_ and _shriveling_ off your body until absolutely _nothing_ is left.))

It didn't help that her mind was riddling itself with brutal images, mainly of Sub Visser 23, holding my slug-like body pierced on the end of a hunting knife convulsing in total and complete torment over an open flame. My patience was quickly wringing itself out of me at this savagery as she continued.

((It's a pretty picture, wouldn't you say? I think it is.)) she laughed cruelly, ending the fantasy with her stomping my blackened body flat into the pavement, smearing the ashes of my skin, smudging the blood and the soot and matter until nothing remained.

((Yeah…that look would suit you if you mess this up, Yeerk.)) Mandy was taking great pleasure in my attempt to ignore her taunts. ((Sub Visser 23 and Visser Three are gonna-))

((Don't speak of things you know nothing about as if you know what is going on, slave.)) I cut in icily, keeping my voice toneless and even, before I began going on into a sadistic taunt of my own. ((It's actually quite amusing, how you fantasize about your freedom still as if my death would mean you run about in your own body, free again. I've said it once, and I'll say it again; you serve the Empire. If I move on or die, you will either be passed onto another Yeerk, or else you will join me in death. Especially if that matter rests with Visser Three.))

((My freedom would be worth paying with to watch you die.)) she retorted brutally, to which I laughed maliciously as the confidence of a true slave master slowly returned to me.

((Would it?)) I asked her, with all the abashing cruelty I could muster. ((I can still sense all the fear on you. I can still feel your desperation. You want to die free, don't you? Well at the moment, our fates are linked far too closely for you to pray for my failure, human.))

Once again, my property fell silent. Class seemed to fade in blocks of time and before either of us knew it, the bell had rung and we were all filing out, relieved the day was finally over.

"Mand! Over here!" Mariah waved me down on the curb not even a block off from the school as promised; which turned out to be a small suburban bus stop that lied just barely on the outskirts of town. I trotted happily toward the group to meet them with a thin smile. "Where's Mitch?"

"Sectional, _and_ band practice." I replied with Mandy's relief. "Don't even have to worry about the band dork today."

I grinned along with the other girls as we began to walk back into town, all of us heading for the same place we always did in the rare instance that my host could meet with her friends alone. The local malt shop; just within the neighborly side of town. We headed there with another bout of conversation that sunk through me in its insignificance. I for one had my priorities firmly grasped throughout these manipulative bouts of human instinct, whether the dulled Yeerk senses were whetted by my meeting with the Sub Visser, or if it was out of spite for my host's taunts earlier, I wasn't far certain.

But it must be said, here and now, that my host body could not have been more obdurate. Truly, she had yet to learn that ….vanilla milkshakes… ….vanilla milkshakes were perfection…!!

If we Yeerks borrowed the human vernacular, vanilla milkshakes were God, even.

It was nearly impossible to conceal my good mood as I sipped a tall frosty glass of this culinary delight! The sweet, mellow flavor of the vanilla, the cold, refreshing and creamy texture of the ice cream, the perfectly blended and sugary cream that made it so softly and delicately filling… It was pure brilliance. Pure, magnificent, surely founded brilliance!! Truly, this was a masterpiece!! A true artwork of the culinary ventures these humans had such a knack for, truly it was-

((I wanted chocolate.)) Mandy cut into my growing elation, briefly snapping reality back into place in the window-side booth of the malt shop. I sat there with Mandy's friends, as they too either sipped milkshakes like mine, or in Mariah's case, a brownie sundae smothered in hot fudge and jeweled with crushed peanuts and sprinkles.

((But this flavor is perfect already,)) I said skeptically, mentally raising an eyebrow. ((Why would you prefer anything else?))

((…Vanilla, better than chocolate?)) Mandy almost seemed amused as she did impatient with my reply. ((You really _aren't_ from this planet.))

((It _is_ better, I'm sure. Don't criticize my personal tastes based on my origins. After all, I play the role rather well, don't I?)) I couldn't resist a taunt that she seemed to brush aside easily enough. It seemed verbal brutality had a diminishing effect on humans, or at least from what I had heard, it did at first. When they thought that escape was possible, and thus winning these trivial little arguments didn't matter to them.

((I still wanted chocolate.)) She repeated irritably, to which I only scoffed at her, and returned my attention to the world outside of us. It was only later on, that I discovered through her memories, the natural appeal of chocolate to human females and thus understood why she may have preferred it over vanilla. The topic was never brought up in conversation again, but I still found it a rather curious effect for something such as flavor to have on any human.

I can't say I was too fond of researching other assorted… …aphrodisiacs, such as this chocolate on human females. The deeds of human sexuality were beyond my understanding when other Yeerks told me of how much sexuality was emphasized here on Earth, and to this day the deeds still do. Perhaps the aspect of death coming after a similar act in Yeerk culture causes me failure to understand the greatness of submission to hormones. Perhaps having failed to "evolve" into feeling such physically bound pleasures, we were but a bitter race in that aspect. Perhaps indeed.

But still as I searched and swam through human memories of pleasant feelings, I still didn't understand the emphasis of human sexuality. There were other acts on this planet that felt pleasant without such perverse undertones; sexual acts may have felt pleasant, but then for as long as I remained in this body, so did eating a favorite food, seeing colors, smelling clean air and walking about on actual legs. That wasn't even beginning how sexuality among humans stirred mixed feelings about them when it seemed to be heavily regarded with mixed beliefs. Some believed it all to be a sacred bond shared with a permanent partner throughout the course of their lives. Others believed it to be as natural an urge to feed on a whim as hunger and thirst, while others still merely enjoyed it for the scandal it caused.

The only substantial belief that was held regarding their mating was the inequality between genders; males seemed to be expected to hold complete, total rights to go about their mating process as they pleased, sacred or not. In fact, males that went about their sexual freedom carelessly were often praised, deemed as "players" and were generally accepted among their peers. Females however, were bound to higher standards of self control over their natural urges, and they were expected to emotionally regard the act as a sacred bond requiring commitment. Social stigmas seemed the common the result otherwise. It was a tradition humans had failed to leave behind apparently. Perhaps inhabiting a female host body brought me biased information… Perhaps indeed.

There was strangely enough no clear system or approach to sexuality; each human, each continent, each culture seemed to oppose and contradict another and yet another, it was yet one more mess of many with how divided humans were in their mentality. Another human act well beyond me, and judging from Mandy's flinty temper with me it wasn't one she would be apt to discussing openly…

Still, all this information rather digresses from the events at hand.

"Don't inhale it, Mariah." Heather joked lightly, smiling dryly over a straw as she sipped down a pink milkshake. …Strawberry. It sounded delectable; I should have to try it next time… Ash's laughter as Mariah countered with a middle finger brought me back to the matters as hand.

"Hey by the way, Heather," I started, the moment I could set that delicious vanilla shake aside. "You still up for going to that Sharing meeting tomorrow?"

Heather shrugged over a long sip of her milkshake. "I guess," she replied casually. "Citizen's Center tomorrow, around five-thirty to eight-thirty right?"

I nodded Mandy's head. "Yeah, then next week we're having another bonfire on the beach." I grinned playfully at Ash, who I caught smiling tentatively in deep thought through the straw of her chocolate shake. "There may be some cute guys and girls there, Ash…"

Ash chuckled. "Like any of them would want me, but sure, okay." she humored me, shaking her head through her straw. "And look at me, getting even fatter, and it's all because of you guys! It's y'all's fault I can't get a boyfriend!"

We all had a small laugh at this, we laughed at a lot of things unimportant to me. But for the present, I had my confirmation of one potential host body at the meeting for tomorrow. By the time my vanilla shake was the last to be finished, I had a maybe from Ash and Mariah too. Needless to say, my mood was positively soaring upon our exit from Sweet Temptations. Mandy remained bitterly silent. I paid her no mind.

"I'll see you guys later, I gotta finish my ID's for that history test tomorrow." Mariah rolled her eyes blandly, folding her arms. "Maybe I'll have the energy to finish early. I'll see you guys online later, right?"

"I'll be on." Ash replied lazily, slinging her backpack onto her other shoulder as we began walking back towards our neighborhood. The late afternoon was settling in, sinking into a bright and orange evening that quickly darkened and dimmed out the colors. Ash shrugged with a smile. "So Mariah won't be so lonely." Another laugh among us, a promise to be online and a goodbye later and we all jovially parted ways.

As I headed for home, I could feel my host's anger stirring again beneath the understandable bewilderment. She was hurt by the transgressions around us, sincerely.

My playing her role with more expertise and with more incontestable skill than this planet's finest actors had made her that way. Worse still, was how no one had noticed her lesser moments out of character; she would _never_ have befriended that chatterbox Trisha Tompkins, nor would she have _ever_ preferred vanilla over chocolate. Nevertheless, my priorities, my objectives, my absolute control remained hidden beneath the smiles, snide remarks and jokes they all shared. And as she began to understand now, they never would guess as to what really, truly lied beneath that cheerfulness and that charming cynicism that my host was known and loved for. At least…. not until it was too late to turn back.

In essence, she could feel her life ending within my voice. Though she still clutched some desperate hope for a savior or some open door, she could feel that her hopes in her family and friends were brutally fallen. Not that her friends and family could be blamed; a war within the one they loved, who still laughed and smiled as they did, could only logically remain unknown to them.

But still she remembered things that disturbed her; my notes of their capabilities as host bodies, my threats and taunts, and no longer did they seem like mere words as much as predictions and prospects that would come in time. She remained silent for hours after that. I would say the silence somewhat…bothered me, but still, the peace insured passive control of the body.

Yes. It was fine by me. I had plenty else to think about, such as when to begin my investigations. …And how to make these vanilla milkshakes, and make them as tasty as they did down at that malt shop…

((Get a life.)) Mandy muttered. ((Chocolate's better.))

((...We'll... see about that.))

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Mmm. :3 As said about a few times xs 1,000, reviews are optional although appreciated! You guys are great for keeping up with this story, seriously. n.n It really makes me wanna stick to it and keep at it, so for that I take the time to thank all of you! See you next time!

-Zri


	7. Discoveries

And yet another chapter, and this one's gonna be a bit more conflicted methinks. u.u; And hopefully a bit more interesting than last chapter. xDD But mmmyeah, I'm currently boiling alive without an air conditioner as I post this. Har.

Disclaimer: You win again, gravity.

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Chat Host: You have entered chat 00123455332

These online activities were laughably backward ways of passing time, for that much, I was actually amused. This Internet was contrived mostly for entertainment purposes; it had sadly gone terribly astray from its original militant means of communication, and perhaps this contrast alone with how primitive these human computers were proved to curl a smile on my part.

That, and the social abandon of their own English language for communication. (Some of the humans claiming to be adults on this Internet had even more appalling means of spelling than most children according to my host's memory.) It was no concern of mine; the Internet already had its solemn purposes smothered out by Teen News, and at best counterproductive pieces of gossip in gaudy fonts with even more tactless questions. I honestly couldn't help a thin, wry smile.

AsHeS2aShEs: hey mand

Ambientrose: Hey Ash. Seen Mariah or Heather?

AsHeS2aShEs: heather mite b late 2nite, but mariah said she'd be on soon

Ambientrose: Cool. So what's up?

AsHeS2aShEs: nm. Just finishing this pain in the ass problem, lol u?

Ambientrose: Just finished my trigonometry homework.

AsHeS2aShEs: omfg I h8 u! lol

Ambientrose: lol, love you too.

Chat Host: xXorangesunsetXx has entered the room.

xXorangesunsetXx: fuck English SO hard.

AsHeS2aShEs: lmao

Ambientrose: ….Nice seeing you too, Mariah.

xXorangesunsetXx: seriously, either something doesn't make sense, or I'm just fucking retarded. …Don't answer that, either.

AsHeS2aShEs: lol ruin all the fun

Ambientrose: For my own sake, I wouldn't answer anyway, thanks.

xXorangesunsetXx: Shut up, both of you.

AsHeS2aShEs: lol

Ambientrose: So what's up?

xXorangesunsetXx: My lunch. My god I am SERIOUSLY freaking out over this essay.

Ambientrose: Seriously? O.o; It's not that hard…

AsHeS2aShEs: what r u stuck on?

xXorangesunsetXx: I'm trying to find the page to support this answer I wrote but I can't find anything, naturally.

Ambientrose: When's it due?

xXorangesunsetXx: Tomorrow. -.-; It WAS due Friday, but Tyston went off on some retarded shit about how we should be able to deal with deadlines changing and responsibility. He used to be cool, but that guy is such an asshole lately.

((Tyston… ….Of course, Illlareem's host. Always was rather strict. Can't say I'm surprised his militant attitude bled into his host a little bit. Always feared for him that it would be unavoidable, but at least he seems to hold up well enough.)) I said absently to my host mind. I wasn't certain as to just what I was accomplishing confiding this to her, but so far the only interactions that didn't bore me were with her, if even for my own purposes.

((….How many have you taken?)) was her only horrified response. I could feel that she was terrified of the answers, but still she pressed on. She had a rather well attained sense of courage. That much I would grant her. ((How many of my teachers or any of my other friends have you and your kind taken?))

I couldn't conceal the smile in my voice. ((What, and ruin all the fun?))

((Then why are you talking to _me_ about this? What's your problem?))

((Because you have no choice but to listen.))

She fell silent once more, as I resumed typing into the chatroom.

Mariah was certainly an interesting one, but that liveliness was short-lived in entertainment, and Ash's use of an effectively slaughtered English language rather quickly bored me. The entire ordeal, in fact, of maintaining a social life if not for the sensual ventures proved one of the dullest struggles I had ever wrestled with in my entire life. All of it nothing but idle chatter, trivial distinction, and all for the means of some short-term sense of accomplishment. Virtually, humans had no long-term sense of attention; they were only able to foresee that which they spoke briefly of, things that only they could bring meaning to.

I would admit that there was a _certain_ sense of an intellect, a parallel emphasis on their ideas of significance and a parallel sense of emotions that reminded me of fellow Yeerks. That very same parallel was even how engulfed they could become in their own passion, determination, even pride, arrogance and ignorance as we felt. But the very reasons for these things, the motives, and the barbaric nature made the worlds we lived in bounds apart that seemed uncrossable.

While life would not be quite as interesting, it would swiftly become more pleasant when Yeerks spoke through every one of these humans.

((Who's that?))

In my time focusing on the monitor, she had noticed something that I hadn't in all my contemplations. I turned my attention from her confusion and watched the chatroom as the default noise started me back to current reality.

Chat Host: XxxX12Xx3xx has entered the room.

xXorangesunsetXx: Great. A porn bot.

AsHeS2aShEs: shud we just close??

Ambientrose: I can just put it on ignore. It's not saying anything.

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

For a moment, I was confused myself. The confusion didn't ease when my quick search through my host's brain found nothing; she knew nothing of this foreign screen name, or what it meant by its numbers or by what it said… …Repeatedly. The chatroom was swiftly filling up, just as suddenly as the stranger's screen name had appeared in the first place.

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX12Xx3xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

I wrinkled my brow in aggravation. Another idiotic human no less, one more human that bored me as I highlighted his screen name and rather quickly clicked the Eject button upon the side of the chatroom.

….And I clicked that button five times. He still remained, IMing the same message to the chatroom, despite the annoyed protests by Mariah and Ash. The messages came repeatedly, consistent and angry, and it continued until eventually Ash and Mariah both left the chatroom out of annoyance. I did the same, with a roll of my host's eyes and angry muttering.

…And that's when I noticed my inbox, and how its e-mail count that was usually listed beside the mailbox icon, had somehow leapt from twenty-one to four-hundred seventy-six in just the two hours I had been online.

Now I was incontestably annoyed, as I quickly accessed the inbox with the click of an icon and found that a great number of these e-mails were compliments of our friend back in the chatroom. The subject titles in the e-mails even displayed the same fervent message over and over, with more e-mails still pouring in: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

It was baffling, in accordance to my host's memories of these sorts of pranks; she had received odd messages before from what were called 'spammers', but those messages had been nothing at all like this spectacle. I swiftly accessed the address book, and entered our new friend's e-mail address and screen name into the security block…

…And the e-mails stopped.

I merely reclined in the chair in disbelief. There sat my inbox, with now over five hundred e-mails, all holding the same message or a whole staged assortment of viruses, most likely. I made a chore of deleting as many as I could before another chat was opened, and thankfully, we were left alone for the time being.

xXorangesunsetXx: The hell was that guy's problem?

AsHes2aShEs: dunno…probably just sum asshole.

Ambientrose: Dick. --; And he seriously just flooded my inbox, too.

AsHeS2aShEs: lol really??

xXorangesunsetXx: seriously?

Ambientrose: ….yeah…. he did. Didn't he e-mail you guys too?

AsHeS2aShEs: no

xXorangesunsetXx: No….what'd his e-mails say?

xXorangesunsetXx: You didn't open any, did you?

Ambientrose: Dunno. Didn't open one, not going to either.

xXorangesunsetXx: Good, cuz how much you wanna bet they're full of spam or some shit that'll just crash your hard drive, y'know?

Ambientrose: Exactly, what an assh

I was cut off immediately by a flood of instant messages. It was completely unbelievable, there must have been at least twenty IMs popping up outside the chatroom all at once. Each screen name looked familiar, at first I thought that somehow he had broken the security and was now somehow IMing me at various times. But upon closer inspection, the screen names only appeared similar to the one of our old friend, though the numbers were different with each IM.

XxxX14Xx6xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX24Xx7xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

XxxX56Xx7xx: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

I thought nothing of it. It had to be some sort of prank as my host suspected; we both suspected the same thing to be happening to Mariah and Ash as the chatroom became buried in these repetitive messages… But then, they began to send a flicker of fright into me as I exited as many of the message boxes as I could, and then they all came flying right back bearing a slightly different message.

XxxX25Xx2xx: YEERK

XxxX34Xx8xx: YEERK

XxxX47Xx9xx: YEERK

XxxX57Xx3xx: YEERK

XxxX49Xx5xx: YEERK

My heart gave a lurch as the word repeatedly blinked across the screen. My stomach nearly sank into the floor as the IMs kept coming, still repeating the truth over and over in black and white, even my host experienced a brief flash of fear as still these IMs kept pouring onscreen…

"Mand? Honey?" Grace's voice came softly echoing through the hallway and down the carpeted steps descending into the den. I could only look up from the screen in a silent panic, as I closed out of the IMs only to find that my damn screen had flooded with more.

Her footsteps drew close, not too far outside the den's threshold, as I hurriedly cast glances to the monitor to spot other sorts of messages flooding the screen; the entire interface was buried beneath IM after IM, each bearing some similar message to me.

XxxX35Xx2xx: WE KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU YEERK

XxxX38Xx1xx: WE WILL FIND YOU YEERK

XxxX41Xx3xx: KILL YOU

XxxX46Xx8xx: HUNT YOU YEERK

XxxX53Xx6xx: HUNT YOU

XxxX68Xx7xx: FIND YOU YEERK

XxxX50Xx2xx: FIND YOU

XxxX70Xx1xx: KILL YOU YEERK

My disturbance at these messages knew no terror colder and swifter, than that I felt forcing my heart still and my stomach sick. It wasn't so much as the messages that repeated the same threats over and over as much as how I would explain this to my host's mother if she came in to see this.

Deep inside the host mind, I felt that even Mandy was rather disturbed by the messages, unable to distinguish by the tone if some of these threats aimed to destroy her, me, or possibly the both of us. Most of all she was confused, overall bothered by this sudden approach. Not that she wanted me to know any of it, but she was honestly bothered by the stream of threats, and she was slightly shaken by how their persistence unnerved me.

"Honey…!"

Grace's voice, her footsteps, they were coming closer!!

"Damn…" I murmured, pulling open the desk drawer in a flash frantically and rummaging noisily through the contents; papers, loose change, paper clips, broken utensils and things that meant nothing to aid the situation until finally my hand stumbled clumsily upon a spattering ink pen and a crinkled piece of scrap printing paper.

"He might find this interesting." I barely whispered aloud, explaining to both myself and to Mandy as I quickly took to jotting down screen names. I had up to fifteen before I heard Grace's footsteps outside the den in the front hall. Thinking quickly I pressed the power switch on the PC console…

Grace's pale smiling face turned its way in the door just as the machine died on a low droning sound, and in that instant the threats faded away, the entire confrontation was rendered blank and meaningless.

I was unable to conceal the mental sigh of relief. She came ambling into the doorway with a warm simper, a hand resting atop of her stomach as it would out of habit whenever she stopped moving and looking slightly winded. I smiled weakly for her, though she noticed that I sat behind a deadened machine and raised an eyebrow.

"…What're you up to…?" she asked, a playful wariness in her voice as she leaned her shoulder against the doorframe, resting and catching lost breath.

I shrugged off-handedly, shaking my head at the machine in front of us lazily. "It froze on me while I was in the middle of a game Ash showed me." I replied casually. "Really locked up. I had to restart." I shrugged, frowning slightly as Mandy would have done.

Grace only scoffed with a shake of her head, as she pressed herself off the doorframe with a fanned palm. "Well while you're waiting for it to… reboost, or whatever it's called, come help me set the table before those pork chops get cold. Your dad's gonna be home any minute now, your game can wait, can it?" she asked and with another thin, knowing smile and a shaking head, she disappeared from the room just as suddenly as she and her gentle voice had come drifting in through the fragmented panic.

I sat back in the leathery chair with my own shaking head and clenched jaw, left only with a short list of names, and an empty rush of fear that made my torso feel as if it were empty and crumpling in on itself.

((_Damn_, Yeerk? You're just making yourself right at home on Earth, aren't you?))

And much to my annoyance I was left with a host mind showing more relief than she had ever known fantasizing about her family and friends seeing the transparency of my act. She was calm now, satisfied, practically gloating in the thick silence as she took in what all just happened.

After what seemed to be a long, almost painfully awkward silence, my host mind spoke again.

((Looks like someone _does _know, Yeerk.)) she said with as much cruelty as she had ever absorbed and felt in my voice for the past couple of days. ((Someone knows what you are, and they know you're inside of me. How many screen names was that, Yeerk? I'd say that was a lot. A lot of people know what you are.)) Her voice was muffled in the thunder and clamor of her own haloed world of freedom. ((If they managed to find you online, then who knows what else they know about you, Yeerk? They could be watching your every move. They could be sitting outside my house, waiting to come in, and they could be waiting for you.))

Images once more of my demise came hazing to her mind, unchanging from what they usually were with Sub Visser 23 personally overseeing the most painful methods of execution that her human imagination could concoct. She ran about in her own body alongside her friends, her family, and she ran alongside Jim again on the bright pristine sidewalks in the park she knew in her dreams, footfalls light and skies brighter blue now that she saw them with her own eyes again. How touching. Like an _oh so beaten_ resident of Purgatory finally rising into Paradise.

((_Have_ they found me?)) I asked menacingly, effectively dashing the dreams with my voice alone. ((Or rather, have they saved me the trouble of looking for them?))

And she knew exactly who I was talking about; there was only one group I could think of that was responsible for the hunting and threatening of Yeerk soldiers so foolishly.

It seemed that RUBICON had begun a new game with me, a new hunt for another hostage to hold in whatever whimsical conditions they felt pliable to meet their own sick devices. One more soldier they had effectively and skillfully (to their knowledge, anyway) hunted down. One more casualty for the evil, bad invading Yeerks. One more Yeerk for them to try, one more Yeerk for them to hold captive thinking they would make some sort of difference, and best of all, they seemed oblivious that I was fully armed with awareness.

While thoughts of what may have happened had I not known who they were still sent a discomforting shudder through me, I ignored that to the best of my abilities. It wasn't the case, no point in pondering what _could_ have happened.

As I sat to dinner with Mandy's family that night, new rules to this game of my own formulated inside me. It was a step in my investigation, there was no truer way to find them than becoming a target! What sheer luck this had turned out to be!! I would need weaponry and surveillance over the host's house soon enough to keep me out of plausible danger, but all in good time I would have nearly single-handedly brought the RUBICON out of hiding…! I would be promoted, personally recommended by a Sub Visser, perhaps even to the one hundreds…!!

"So Mand, mom here tells me you made it as a full member at the Sharing."

Lawrence brought me out of my whims that night at dinner just as Mitchell came stumbling through the foyer with a clatter of his saxophone case. "Hey Mitch!! How'd your practice go?" he called jovially to his exhausted son before I could answer; fine by me, more time to ponder the situation. ….And my promotion to come.

"Someone up there hates us." Mitchell grumbled as he sat down with a mangled groan, resting his head on his calloused hand.

Lawrence chuckled lightly over a glass of Coke. "It'll all come together tough guy, just hang in there." he offered with an encouraging grin, still smiling and cheerful when Mitchell sent him a sour look over his plate of pork chops, three bean casserole and macaroni.

It was the first time I had actually seen and truly observed Mandy's father, save for greeting him groggily that morning before leaving for school, which could hardly be called an encounter as he was only half present over a mug of coffee and a crinkled newspaper anyway.

As her memories read, Lawrence was a generally cheerful and colorful man in his personality, known for as long as she could remember to be married to his wife, to his family, and to his smile in the face of adversity. He had worked himself hard to become the manager of a restaurant deep in the city, it made a fairly decent amount with the generous monetary whisperings for its reputation alone.

…..Good. The influential position he could hold over many financially endowed potential host bodies could gather greater benefits to us than we ever imagined. It was doubtful that we could convince him to join with his schedule; indeed, taking him by force might prove necessary for infestation within an estimated time of around half a year.

"Sorry about that, Mand, what were you saying?" Lawrence broke my distant concentration on the possibilities. I gave a mental shake of my head, ignoring my host's yells of protests as I replied.

"Yeah, it's a really tight inner-circle, really hard to get into," I said proudly, over Mitchell's rolling eyes. "And they asked _**me**_ specifically."

Lawrence grinned again. "That's great hon, I'm proud of you." he nodded, shoveling a forkful of bean casserole down with a sip of his Coke. "I really am, y'know John, my boss, his brother's a leader in The Sharing. Even he said that they really gotta see potential in you to ask you to become a full member."

As mentioned, I silently argued against the deception. It wasn't a complete lie, again, as my host objected bitterly in her own head. The Sub-Vissers and their lackeys _did_ have to see potential in you in order to ask you directly to make the choice between serving our cause willingly, and fighting us as a broken, shattered creature. They did indeed have to see potential in you as a host body. Truly it didn't matter what _context_ it was understated in. Potential was potential, no matter how it was meant and whispered among the inner circles. All of it was uncoiled and wasted energy anyway, energy, power and senses that _we_ used and _appreciated_, unlike these spineless, weak-minded inferior animals.

"Yeah," I said with a proud smile. "Teresa said she really saw leadership qualities in me. Hey, y'know dad, maybe you should try to come to a couple meetings huh? Y'know, hang out or something…?"

"What's with you trying to recruit everyone all of a sudden?" Mitchell's voice suddenly asked, snickering over a bite of macaroni and cheese. "Seriously, you trying to get people to join a cult or something? Ever since you became a full member or whatever you've been nagging everyone to join."

I shrugged. "Maybe I just want more people there I know because it's actually fun, Mitch." I replied dryly. "Y'know, since not everyone wants to lug twenty pounds on their arms under the hot sun on a football field with a fat bald guy standing on a podium screaming at them."

"All right you two, enough." Grace admonished gently over the faint clink of silverware. For a moment the table was silent, and rather tense. Mitchell glowered at me a second for my cheap shot at Porter, and I fell silent myself, much to the relief of my host mind. (Though needless to say, she was still horrified that I could somehow say exactly what she felt and would have said had she been there.)

The silence was thankfully short lived. "To be honest honey, I don't think I'd have the time to come down to a meeting." Lawrence replied sadly, but only before he gave me his best smile and added in consolation, "But I'll tell you what I can do… You bring me some fliers, and I'll have the hostesses hand them out to our customers, see if we can draft a few new members to help with human sacrifice before the next harvest moon." He chuckled lightly, as Mitchell shared a quiet laugh at this.

I rolled my eyes into a compromising smile however, the exact same way Mandy always did at her father's jokes, and sometimes his morbid humor at that. Still, he may not have been drafted directly but it was progress, a fine compromise that would do for the present.

"Sure, y'know, I can get some more fliers at my meeting tomorrow. Thanks dad, that's really gonna help out." I replied warmly over the enraged screams of my host, as thoughts of calling force in to hold her father down and infest him formulated in my mind.

My host screamed and pleaded hysterically in vain with a mouth that no longer belonged to her to stop my deceptive ways, to end all of this, end all of this and put this horrible nightmare behind her, because all it would take is one warning. All it would take is just a few seconds of control over her mouth and tongue.

All it would take is a single warning... and not only would her family be safe from our work, but it might have proved her salvation as well. Her very future, all she ever wanted, to obtain an education, to marry Jim and have children and everything she could still claim in her dreams, it was all only a few seconds of control away…

I smiled with her mouth, and promptly asked what was for dessert.

* * *

omfg air conditioning please. Um... Reviews are nice too, but unlike air conditioning they're optional, so omfg AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. I mean, expect next chapter soon hopefully. (dies.) x.x; 


	8. Nightmares

Oh lawd, she's back. D:

Um. hi. Sorry I haven't been updating as quickly as I used to but. Things are happening OUTSIDE THE BOX. And by box I mean internet. And by internet I mean road. And by road I mean outer space. And by outer space I mean ARE YOU SICK OF CAPS.

...LMAO. We have our air conditioning back. YAY. Anyway, this story focuses a little on a mix of both Timmron's observations, and his mission with the RUBICON. I'm hoping the mix went well, but I'm still trying to really detail the first three days Timmron inhabits Mandy's head. SO.

Disclaimer: ...I see what you did, there.

* * *

The next day would not warrant me much time. 

Already I could feel the familiar edge of hunger and thirst for the Kandrona nutrients twisting faintly inside my mind, it was a transparent distraction if anything, but it was still there and omnipresent. Not nearly as important right now though as the task I had at hand in the short time I had left for now, it was a time for total focus, so dire a time that I rarely spoke to my host despite her rather immense fury at my deceptions the night before, and besides the suspicion she had that I had watched her dreams yet again.

I suppose…

To digress from the events at hand for a moment, that one could say that the sporadic sense and logic in the dreams of a host mind would make them to us what cinema would be to humans. Perhaps it was an underrated aspect of the host body, as the dreams of our host minds were not necessarily discussed among us in even the most trivial conversation. Still, delving deep into the psychological fancy, the emotional ties attached to what humans knew were mere twisted creations was very easily interesting to me in spite of the situation.

The chance to see a dream was a fascinating concept to us Yeerks altogether, who never so much as dreamed as much as we kept concentration on resting our bodies. Control. Control even over what we could see in our rest, control was the greatest aspect to the nature that placed us above these humans. We knew what it was to daydream of course, to fantasize and to imagine things like promotions and affection, but never did such whims seize us in our time of rest, even within our host bodies. I knew what it was to dream. Thanks to the host minds I had taken, thanks to the memories I had seen, thanks to the metaphorical senses I had gathered in my years of study I knew what dreaming felt like. But curiously enough, never had I really felt such things for myself.

Mandy's dreams however were unpredictable in both where they turned and who they involved; especially now with my presence. In the past two and a half days, I had been there watching as her head was sent swimming and gleaming with old memories and faces from her past, I had watched as her fears were sharpened by the mere sound of my mental voice, I had kept silent and faithfully attentive as her imagination was sent wild and unhindered by her situation. The entire thing fascinated me, one may call me morbid, but such colorful situations and marvels of such simplistic minds couldn't just be ignored and unappreciated.

In a twisted and almost seemingly contrived way she had become much more creative in the time that I had resided within her head. Having her freedom taken from her in the most unlikely way, beyond her thoughts, had driven her into wondering just what else her society had rejected that roamed among us unknown and murmuring. Were there dragons freely soaring the night skies as well? Were there faeries and elves dancing around rings of toadstools strewn about the forest? What of things like the city of Atlantis that may have had the lost and advanced civilizations and gold-paved sidewalks so highly spoken of by the fables and theorists alike?

She had me to thank for showing her worlds beyond that which she knew, even if this world, the one _perfect_ world that we Yeerks envisioned, wasn't one she particularly enjoyed being a part of. Or at least not as a host body. But still I felt that she was grateful not towards me per se, but rather grateful for this experience.

And I hardly tried to conceal how much that the gratitude she felt bothered me.

I didn't try at all when I insulted her outright for thinking such ridiculous things. I managed for the most part to smother the true disturbance I felt at her thoughts when such contemplative times rose and things were too quiet. I thought at times that perhaps I honestly preferred her screaming and empty a bit more than the peace and quiet. Still. I'm aware that that's the vicious love for breaking the host talking.

She was most definitely angry after waking up from her nightmares as last night, I knew _that_ much.

Last night's dreams had drifted to her father, posting fliers for The Sharing in the glass windows of Pichani's on late shift. He was the only one there to his knowledge; it was a late night for anyone to be there, even for him when he was closing as he pressed his thumb into a patch of scotch tape posting one last flier. The dim lights in the overhanging chandelier near the center of the restaurant suddenly flickered, the last trace of them smothering away and permitting darkness swiftly like a snuffed out candle. He was surprised, but he checked the fliers and made sure that they stuck where they were. Probably just a short circuit, or the bulbs needed changing. It'd been a while since he'd last checked them. He checked the fliers over once more and turned to leave…

All before he turned to find the dark silhouettes of Sub Visser 23, Riistram, Jeiyshod and Illlareem creeping through the maze of abandoned tables with the hungry shuffle of a pack of dogs.

Lawrence could only watch them approach, calling out, asking who they were and what they were doing here. As they each drew out steel canisters his threats to call the police, his begging and pleading all did him no good as they held him down. Riistram and Jeiyshod took him by his arms, they pinned him against a table, and Lawrence nearly knocked it over with how he fought against the weight on his elbows pulling him down.

He kicked and screamed for them to leave him alone as Illlareem approached him with a canister; Mandy's own screams joined the fading cries of her father, unable to do anything until she woke up. She refused to speak at all after she woke wanting to go tell her father she loved him at four-fifty in the morning, only to find her body not moving an inch. She wanted more than anything to tell him that she wanted to spend more time with him, to see him more, but the fact that none of that would be leaving her mouth anytime soon left her depressed and feeling rejected. All the more passive control for me to assert in this body, I suppose.

School came, school drifted by in a miserable ordeal of twisting hunger and impatient tapping, school went. The longing and thirst within me baited my priorities to the front of my mind and made things simpler, separated me from the body, made me remember all that was happening and what I was doing. Not as though this went unnoticed; as ignorant as humans were, even my host mind detected that I seemed more intent and focused on my objectives than usual without taking any time to torment her, or even really speak all that much to her. She kept silent however as I bid goodbye to her friends, fabricating something about Sharing work and bid a hopeful smile to Heather, telling her that I hoped to see her there, knowing she would love it.

I did all of this so hurriedly that Mandy seemed more confused than she did angry, as I headed home and left her parents a note, and then headed back into town on her bike. Her confusion nearly drove me that much more to anger with her; surely she could feel my fatigue growing as the hours passed…

((What's the big rush?)) she finally asked.

…For that first time, I felt something else within her mind rather than petulance for every action and abomination I committed in her body. There was simply an honest inquiry. Nothing further. She honestly just wanted to know why I was behaving so oddly, not that she wasn't suspicious of my motives, but still there was something about my actions and almost frantic manners that honestly bothered her. She wanted to know what had happened, what was happening, and more importantly why we were heading for the police station on the east side of town.

((Not that it's any of your business, slave,)) I replied glacially. ((But I am merely taking a step in my investigation before our meeting tonight.))

I probably would have been less impatient had the circumstances been different. I almost felt…something of a regret, as my host mentally recoiled back into the abandon of her own thoughts. Of course, the regret was probably more out of wishing for any kind of company, like most Yeerks desired when the rising hours of hunger came before feeding.

But on that subject, she should have been desperately grateful that I was just ignoring her. The hunger and longing for Kandrona rendered many Yeerks foul-tempered and fatigued, their civility and regard for their hosts often so abandoned that some of them passed these long hours tormenting their hosts. They did this anyway they could, if just for the rush, that sadistic indulgence of making their host minds as desperate and deprived as their masters felt. After all, everything was simpler, life came down to superior and inferior, to power and weakness, to conjuring up new creative ways to torture their hosts to pass the time until they could feed again.

I'd heard a lot about the feats between these crueler Yeerks, unsure of what was true and what were mere rumors. The more believable stories were that they simply cast their hosts into the most desolate and foreboding corners of their most traumatic memories, while others dug into their nightmares, throwing demons and pain and laughter into them over and over again.

The others went a step further, (or beneath, depending on perspective I suppose) and took to allowing their hosts partial control of their bodies, only to successfully speed up the heart rate or send the body temperature raging. In other words, they would literally nearly boil their host alive just when they came to meet some glimmer of hope. The worst of them allowed the host control, simply to practice other sadistic methods such as making it nearly impossible for the host to breathe, or contracting the muscles tightly and taking control of the mouth to prevent the host from screaming. Some Yeerks would even control just half the body, leaving the host minds in a careless and half-numb abandon, painfully frightened, paranoid at just what Yeerk control was capable of.

From what I'd heard, these sorts of Yeerks continually tormented and tortured their hosts in this manner until beaten, exhausted and broken the minds fell silent and controlled, never heard to be crying or yelling again. Perhaps my mission and my slight disgust at this abuse of power kept me from committing the same.

As I pulled open the glass door of the police station and inhaled the smells of polished metal and papers, these things didn't matter.

The irony of this situation was that if I wanted to torment my host as these other Yeerks did, I may have very well gotten by with it in a place for _human_ security. Almost the entire police force had been taken deliberately by our own means within the first few months of inhabiting Earth in secrecy. Not much remained here for any of us to truly worry about; even convicts were eventually taken if they remained here a little too long for comfort, infested by any number of the taken officers we had from the few detectives paying interrogations and smoking cigarettes right down to the secretaries that sat behind desks with harassed looking faces.

The station and jailhouses were almost as smooth a machine if not as secretive as the operations beneath the Sharing, all the easier to maintain. Within the grand scheme of the human social hierarchy, convicts were mere criminals, they were common, and if Yeerk control kept them out of their corrupt ways who in their right mind would argue?

And as far as their families and friends knew (if they had any on the outside), their delinquent loved one had simply been set straight by their confinement, and even better! They had joined a wonderful, almost magical organization called The Sharing that had shown them the compassion, the understanding, the warmth and open arms that they never had growing up! Lo and behold, they had gone from armed robbery, grand theft auto, mugging and vandalizing to cleaning up the local park with smiles and an eager hand, ready to give back what they had ruthlessly taken from the community!!

It amuses me and several other of my peers how humans are so wonderfully and yet painfully sentimental.

Soon enough those loved ones witnessing such transformations joined, if only to see the vibrant miracles that had straightened out their sons and daughters up close and firsthand. We usually obtained up to twenty new bodies every few months because of it. As it turns out, humans being naturally violent and greedy, usually for trivial reasons that drove us to disgust with them, turned out to be one of the most beautiful things about them to our growing cause. I believe that the coined term for this situation for humans would be a… how you say, a cruel irony.

I smiled thinly for the officer at the front desk, specifically the desk that read Officer Myers. Or as the file I had been given indicated, Jinnniss 127 to be more accurate.

He was a lanky and weak looking host body to be serving an upstanding Yeerk in the one hundreds, although of course the opinions of ranks such as mine were careful to remain confidential. He hunched over lazily in a large leathery chair with his hands folded, barely holding up his head that sank and fought drowsiness against his knuckle. Not that the slow activity of the station really made Jinnniss to blame but still the sight was almost laughable. Had it not been for the conditions we were meeting under, I may have warranted a sarcastic remark to alert him of my presence. Instead I approached quickly, bowing my upper body in utmost respect.

"Officer Myers." I greeted flatly.

His dark eyes snapped open, and he ran a hand through the thin black hair crowning his forehead as he sat upright and attentive. As soon as he had noticed me a thin yellowy smile from years of whittling down cigarettes curled beneath a greasy and comb-like mustache.

"….Mandy." he replied with a look down on a slip of paper on his desk; apparently all the Yeerks bound to this investigation had been alerted to my addition to the assignment. "What brings you all the way down here to this side of town?" he asked lightly. "That brother of yours in trouble?"

I laughed forcefully. "No, no, not yet." I replied rigidly.

The truth of that matter was that Mandy hardly knew Myers, as her memories read. To her, along with the rest of her friends, he had been an overworked and over stressed traffic director that came around the school parking lot after classes and made sure everyone drove in and drove out to _his_ standards. His mustache alongside his yelling and impassive attitude on that concrete battlefield had swiftly earned him the nickname 'Hitler' across the populous of driving students and frantic parents alike. Often his yelling for safety gummed the flow of things and slowed them down. Mandy had never even stopped to wonder why Myers hadn't come around to direct traffic for the past six weeks.

But at least now she knew why. Jinnniss 127 clearly had more productive tasks in mind for Officer Myers for as long as she inhabited his brain.

I knelt down to speak quietly. "But um…I kinda have a few people in mind that might be in trouble…if I can talk to you about it?" I feigned an embarrassed look away from him, to which Jinnniss feigned an understanding nod as she stood up in Myers' body, with an amused tilt of his head as he beckoned me forward.

"Well, c'mon. Whatever it is has gotta have you worried to have you come all the way down here." Jinnniss said, creeping out from behind Myers' desk and leading me toward the back corridor to the offices near the back of the dingy station. The metallic musk of filing cabinets and the ink-like scent of typewriters clouded beneath creaking doors, distorting things and making them cloudy behind the thick glass windows bearing only working silhouettes and enticing curiosity.

As Jinnniss held open an office door near the back, these things didn't matter. "After you." She said playfully, for good measure. I was already torn between the anxiety of twisting hunger and the charm of the simplicity of the office. Beige walls, a burgundy rough carpet, a maroon pair of chairs seated opposite of a polished mahogany desk with a computer and assortment of files, the humble appearance forced charm to win out and disregard my host's start at the loud whir of a clock behind us.

And no matter how many times she saw it, it still shocked Mandy to watch us shed our human ruses, like adults abandoning childish role-play.

"Timmron 348." Jinnniss spoke in a tone flat and icy with aggravation. Superb. So my timing had been off as far as reporting to her had been. (Though I suppose it was my own fault for choosing a Third Day to approach an obviously occupied superior. Usually the last thing they wanted to deal with besides their own hunger was some whining subordinate who couldn't handle a simple task.)

"Jinnniss 127." I nodded, sounding equally on edge. She pressed her way past me, she fanned off the gesture and murmured irritably.

"Hang the formalities, I'm not in the mood to become acquainted." She said coldly, slamming open a drawer in her desk and looking through the contents with tired and downcast eyes. "Seat yourself. I've already expected you since news from Riistram 227."

"….Indeed." I managed coolly. "And I'm bringing news of my own regarding the assignment."

Jinnniss withdrew a hand, clutching a thin stack of papers and slapping them spot onto Myers' desk and hunching over to skim the information. We never locked gazes. We remained as civil and stilled as two Yeerks curling from hunger within the skulls of their host bodies could remain in a dire time. She looked up into the dim fluorescent lighting as it haloed pale colors and emitted a low hum overhead.

"You bring news regarding those filthy humans." It wasn't a question or a guess. If it was anything regarding her irritation it was a definite threat.

"I do." I replied, unable to fight the wry smile as I reached into Mandy's backpack and pulled out the list of screen names, presenting it to her. "News about their newest targets. My host and I." I added, much to her astonishment as she read the list with a baffled and annoyed expression.

((_You're_ their newest target.)) Mandy said darkly, speaking again for the first time in a short while. ((They said they were out to kill you, Yeerk. Not me.))

((Now, now…)) I taunted lightly. ((We're not fully aware of their motives just yet. After all, we're not so sure why they would kidnap the innocents connected to the Controllers now, are we?))

((Better I end up with them than you.))

((We might find the truth of that out soon enough.))

"They've made direct contact with you?" Jinnniss ventured, raising a thick dark eyebrow above the list and narrowing the glinting, callous eyes of her host.

"Yes." I stated boldly, with a nod as she read over the rest of the list with a sigh.

"You're sure?" she questioned as if I were daft with a fool's errand. To be brief it annoyed me; did I come off as the type to exaggerate or conjure up such evidence simply because I inhabited the body of an adolescent? Certainly by themselves adolescent humans were known to emphasize dramatic happenings, but did my inhabiting the body of one really hold me accountable for their verbally destructive urges?

"Unless it is common human custom to instant message one another with threats to hunt down and kill one another, then I'm fairly certain." I hadn't quite intended the sarcasm as vehemently as it left me, but the gleam in her eyes told me that it had left me disrespectfully enough as I pressed my teeth together. "My apologies." I bowed my head and added sincerely.

She scoffed, and she began typing loudly into the keyboard of the computer without another word. Though I hid my anger well as I kept my face craned and downward over my neck, still it nearly pained me to think that if I myself found Jinnniss' mood discouraging, then I could only imagine what her host must be suffering behind those smothered eyes. This cruel work of imagination aside from the fact that Jinnniss had never been known for her kindness made the imagery that much more terrible. (That was possibly the first instance of pity I'd ever felt for a host body.)

"Well, there's no information regarding these screen names." She said flatly, jostling me from my thoughts. "But the technological signature of their latest activity reads from the cyber café on the west side of town. Probably ten or so miles past the Citizens Center. The shopping mall."

"Swift work." I smiled, as she turned in her chair toward me with only a dry smirk as she handed the list back to me across the mahogany desk.

"Nothing further can be expected when we're not relying on primitive human technology. But still, something about this rather bothers me…" Jinnniss folded her arms as she leaned forward, resting her elbows square on her desk.

I nodded. "Yes, their brash approach bothers me as well. It's why I came down here to report it directly to you. I came to inquire permission of a weaponry grant, kept in secrecy in my host's home of course."

Jinnniss raised an eyebrow once more. "You think the situation warrants such an extreme?" she asked warily, turning her head slightly as she swiveled in the maroon chair opposite of me when I recounted the events of last night.

"You don't find it strange that I received these threats only hours after I was first assigned to investigate them?" I was equally puzzled as her expression remained unmoving. "Jinnniss 127, with all due respect I believe that I may have been targeted before I was assigned to the investigation, there's no telling what they know of me already, what they may attempt."

Her expression remained stone-like, glacial, a face that could never grapple with honesty as much as it could watch others writhe from it. "Well if it's you they want, if it's you that will lure them out into exposure, then why should the safety of just one subordinate and one human be of any concern to me?"

That question probably wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't said it like it were a situation of common sense. She spoke like a tired adult to a child; you can imagine I went to great lengths to hide my fury at all of this. Deep within even my host mind seemed angry with Jinnniss' cold disregard for her own people.

"The safety of the host's family." I spoke crisply, and much to Mandy's surprise, and in that instant I felt her anger cloud with confusion inside the mind. "Her family has influential members, most of them are influential figures among their peers. Too many people would grow suspicious, as would my host's friends if something happened. The breach of personal security already places the secrecy of this entire investigation on trembling hands as it is."

"When did you receive this contact from the RUBICON?" Jinnniss demanded sharply, eyes burning again and rendering me silent.

"Around eight thirteen p.m as of last night." I said sternly. "They found my host's screen identification somehow. To my knowledge, only Temnan 254 oversaw my host's infestation, frankly I question how they even contacted me so early."

((….You know, that actually is pretty weird…)) Mandy noted rather stupidly.

In an instant I angrily clamped a tighter control over her body, wrapping my own body so tightly and binding myself into the crevices of her brain so harshly that I sent my control slamming itself absolutely over her being. It hit her rather violently like the bolt; it was a painful flare of complete excommunication from her own body and mind, a gesture so forceful that she screamed out in pain once she realigned her senses. I relented the severity of my grip, I relaxed slightly, I allowed her space to return. She was dizzy now and sick as she recovered from the more bitter wrath of a Yeerk for the first time.

((Shut up, slave.)) I perhaps wouldn't have done anything like that had it not been for the hunger and the fear swimming around me, but the matters drove me to a flinty temper with my host.

Apparently it was something so great that I had to fight the urge to repeat my actions, it was a mental beating if referred by one metaphorically. Mandy was far too bewildered at that point to object to my sudden cruelty.

Jinnniss had remained silent this whole time, reading over files, casting occasional looks up at me sitting still and focused, silent and angry as the hunger rose into waves. But finally after an eternity she nodded to concur.

"You're right." She said. "It is rather suspicious, but perhaps not necessarily a conspiracy. When was the infestation?"

"Just this Monday, seven thirty-seven p.m." I replied stiffly.

"Entrance?"

"Entrance 53."

She typed so loudly into that keyboard that I clenched my teeth. The hunger made the taps sound exactly like echoing thunder, crashing in my mind until it bled. I could feel the blood in my ears. I felt. Typing. Thunder. Blood. Tap.

"…While it is on record that Temnan 254 oversaw the infestation, it…might not be beyond possibility that you weren't the only ones aware of the full member initiation." She finally broke the silence.

"What are you suggesting, exactly?" I asked coldly. "With all due respect, do you imply that perhaps that… …they had a spy among my host's group? That a spy of theirs has infiltrated the Sharing?"

"It's a possibility." Jinnniss said seriously, as she leaned Myers backward into his chair and permitted a groan from it beneath his weight. I was silenced a time at the contemplative gleam in his eye that came unnatural, and sharp. "We have to keep all possibilities open, here, especially before RUBICON makes its next move on their new target." Her eyes fell tiredly onto me, as if it were now occurring to her just how important I may truly have been in uncovering this discrete covenant of whispers and sinister subtlety.

"But who could have infiltrated Temnan and my host's meetings?" I wondered aloud. The matter confused me terribly, an effect of the hunger consuming me I'm sure as my longing for answers became clouded amongst a longing for satisfaction. Rendered everything senseless and crumpling in on itself, it all tore and tangled into creases like scrunched metal. Jinnniss rested her forehead, her own breath erratic and uneven although hidden from untrained senses. She typed a little more into her keyboard and read nothing.

"Think of it." She finally replied icily. "Think back to that meeting between your host and Temnan 254 when she was asked to become a full member; were you in a disclosed area? Outside?"

I gave a confirming nod upon the latter. Mandy had just finished washing out the buckets of cleaning solution; after the last 'Fuck You!!!!' had been scrubbed clean off the side of the day care center when Temnan 254 had proposed the notion of full membership to her casually and without incident. Tired and aching, simply wanting to get out of there although on Teresa's good side, Mandy had agreed half-heartedly…

"Did you see any…" Jinnniss paused a moment, as if her next suggestion were something of a touchy subject, the way humans become when discussing aspects of religion at a meal. "…insects, or maybe small animals?" The gleam in her eyes composed itself beautifully, and it suddenly struck itself into me as my own eyes widened.

"You're inferring that the Andalites may have ties to them?"

"Who else would hide behind their insects and cowardly discretions than those Andalite bandits?" Myers' voice rose sharply as she stood up from behind her desk, pacing angrily behind it. "And the motivation makes all the sense in the world, doesn't it? They get to save a few pathetic humans, they've the chance to expose our people, and all it costs them is a few hours of their time."

She turned sharply on heel and paced another direction, face flushing and furious; I only watched her with a fright of my own as suddenly the memory of that discarded fly by Jeiyshod's hands in the cafeteria came crashing into me.

"…Perhaps you're right." I said slowly, venturing it, inwardly wincing at the thought of aggravating Jinnniss beyond her tolerance under these conditions. The hunger and the paranoia of her notions was whittling away at her. It wasn't entirely obvious, but still it was made plain by how she was shaking Myers' head, running a large hand through his hair, grinding her teeth in disgust.

"Unfortunately we might need more concrete evidence before we draw any conclusions." She said finally, more to herself than to me. "I honestly hope that the Andalites have nothing to do with this. If they are tied into all of this somehow then a soldier could carry this investigation all the way to Visser Three's hands." Her voice took a rather dark edge to it that bid opposition quiet. We both knew that this sort of covet operation of such silence hardly had any place with the likes of the Visser; like handing a flower to the snapping jowls of a mad dog.

….That of course, and the possibility of what could befall all Yeerks and their hosts if he happened to find that this entire operation had been kept secret from him and the higher ups.

"….My wishes are the same." I voiced aloud exactly what she had wanted to hear, as she nodded Myers' head appreciatively and I found my host's footing opposite of her. "But this all of course brings me back to my original reason for being here-"

"Yes, yes, the weaponry grant, I heard you the first time." Jinnniss groused irritably, waving a hand and fluidly striking off my reasoning as if brushing aside an insect. "I'll have someone at the meeting tonight take care of it, you should have your grant by tomorrow at least. Just make sure that it's put to minimum use." Her eyes glinted apprehensively; as if well aware of how venomous such power bestowed on a Yeerk's senses could prove on perspective.

I only nodded as I headed for the door. Apparently Jinnniss had declared this meeting between us over and done with as she nodded her head toward the door when she sat back down at the polished desktop, riffling through files in a clanging side drawer and urged onward by the smell of new ink and warm paper.

"Dismissed." She murmured faintly, and with the swish of glass doors behind us it took care of further business in the city before I perched on Mandy's bike and finally began fantasizing my flight for the Citizen's Center…

((Wait…so what's going to happen? Where are we going?!)) she protested immediately when she detected that our direction was for where this entire nightmare had begun.

((You'll see soon enough, little human.)) I sneered, allowing all my satisfaction for what was to come to smother any weakness she had felt for back in Jinnniss' office. ((And you'll grow quite accustomed to it as well, so I suggest that you start preparing yourself.))

((Preparing myself for what?))

((What, and ruin the big surprise?)) I mustered in the most delighted voice I could conjure, as we raced down a small hill and up the sidewalk. ((But I do promise that you'll have your freedom back, regrettably enough.))

The last of my words had left a very lighthearted impression on her confusion and bitterness. I felt the emotions clash and tear inside of her, combat for dominance of a balance, like light trying to wash out shadows as the edge of truth to my voice amputated all warnings of a dark future I had promised. In that instant every threat… ….no, every promise that I had made came crashing down, although not without some confusion as to what I may or may not have meant.

((….Do you mean that?)) her suspicion would not allow her to fall victim to some ill-found deception. She could detect that I meant something further than what I had promised. A stupid human, but not entirely naïve.

((Believe what you desire. You will see tonight.)) I replied smugly, in a tone that rendered her silent as the Citizen's Center grew into a speck on the urban horizon.

* * *

And that ends that. So...I guess that kinda left the mystery of just who's involved in this little mess. ...But probably not. LMAO. Again, reviews are optional, but very nice and appreciated. 8B And I wanna take this time to thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this little story! I thank you all, it's seriously very appreciated. n.n! 

-Zri


	9. Reinfestation

Oh god I am not Joan Rivers. D:

...I think what I meant to say was that I'm sorry for not updating, lmfao. I've actually had this chapter done for a day or two now, but I was debating on whether or not to split it into two chapters, but then I decided that a longer chapter wouldn't kill anyway. If it does kill you then I'm sorry and your death made me sad. :(

...LMFAO ANYWAY. This chapter deals a lot with Yeerk philosophy, since I figured there was no better time to deal with that than here and now, rather than some place down the line where it would almost be completely pointless to deal with, so if you don't like reading that sort of thing then just bear with me. : And don't sic a bear ON ME. OR PUT ONE IN MY OATMEAL. (cuts wrists) But yeah. I tried to make the narration a little less complex so that it's an easier read though. I tried to take all advice given to me thus far to heart and oh god I typed that at first as 'given to me thus FAT' rofl. ...WELL.

Disclaimer: Did you faint in a ballroom? Because you just got DANCED ON. I hate myself. ;D

* * *

Chapter Nine -- 'Reinfestation'

The sky was quickly darkening, the roads peaked and dipped beneath us as we ventured onward, the Citizen's Center began to grow into shapes and pillars and white walls from obscurity. Mandy's dread began to darken and swell too, as if her return to the site of her infestation was some insufferable dream that came over and over again. As I pumped gears, cycled chains and turned handlebars, she remained entirely silent as a shapeless cloud in the back of her mind, never daring to ask just what was going to happen.

She didn't bother hiding, not anymore. My host mind was utterly terrified of what I had said and what my words implied, knowing painfully well by now that I never quite made direct points without some detached and methodical taunt beneath my reasons. Bizarrely enough, it had come to my attention that human females were said to read the emotional capacities and capabilities of those they spoke and confided in rather well, even if said confidence in me was quite involuntary and it lied quite beyond her will to object. Psychology apparently proved less expected of the so masculine males of these creatures.

But in other words, she knew I meant things beyond my promises of freedom, though I suppose that in itself is a digressive and painfully obvious understatement. But as I stomped down a "kickstand", pressed together locks and rattled chains, the silence kept went well nourished by fear and bewilderment.

"Heather!" I called out cheerfully, as I spotted my mark walking into the entrance, waking me from shrouds of both hunger and wonder and pulling open the glass door by the black handle. She smiled as she spotted me sauntering towards her, entering alongside her faithfully as the shadow.

"You made it!" I said graciously, teeth gleaming and eyes glowing as if I cared whether or not she came for any purpose besides a potential host body. Though my longing for the Kandrona began to create a drum overshadowing the complex matters of deception among humans, still my objectives lied within grasp and in clear, simplistic sentences. I am Mandy. Recruit other hosts. Do not act unnatural, do not relinquish.

"I did," she laughed. "by some miracle. You wouldn't believe it, I come home and start getting ready, right? But then my mom walks in, all, 'Hey, don't go anywhere! I told Ms. Jane you'd baby-sit Lucas while she went to pay insurance.' And just… Ugh!! I mean I don't mind baby-sitting Lucas, I really don't, but I wish mom would at least tell me things before promising stuff, y''know?"

I laughed, shaking my host's head as memories of three year old Lucas bubbled to the surface of her mind. "Did you get paid?" I asked, grinning with a care as we walked through the lobby.

"Yeah, ten bucks, not bad." Heather auspiciously returned the grin, though the art of recollection became the only lingering peak of our conversation as Temnan came ambling up, all smiles and cheery good times at the ready.

Like many matters here on this planet, it was ridiculous. Here I stood, a respectable soldier of the Empire possessing memories he would take with him to his end of battle and glory, finding himself standing amongst blank figures now within a feeble, clay-like bodice humbling himself to gossip. I had to practically solidify the affectionate ruse of a smile and shimmering eyes, taming a rising of cynicism biting rabidly beneath it.

"Glad you could make it tonight, Mandy!!" Temnan began, her optimism as smothering and as horribly forced as it ever had been. "This meeting tonight is gonna be so much fun, and oh!!" her mouth formed a fashionable and startled O at the sight of my human companion beside me, who seemed already put off by the hard-tried merriment. "And who is this, is this a new member? A friend of yours?"

"Yup!" I nodded, patting Heather's arm as she gave an airy laugh raw off her nerves. "This is Heather, who finally decided to come to a meeting tonight. Heather, this is Teresa," I said, nodding towards her coolly.

"She was my group's leader back when I was a fresh starter here. She'll pretty much take you through all the steps and stuff to become a…full member." I finished, though I purposely averted my eyes mysteriously.

Just as I had hoped, the tactic captured her curiosity. "Um….full member….oh!! What you were talking about the other day, like how it was supposed to be a lot better! Yeah, um, how do I do that exactly, just be a member long enough?" she asked, looking up into Teresa's eyes and tilting her head the way she did whenever she asked teachers questions regarding subject matters before an exam.

Temnan smiled slyly, though of course deception appeared strictly as an overdone effect on the face of an adult with such a menial task as looking after other children.

"Ah, I see that Mandy here has done an excellent job keeping all of our secrets." She said with a nod of expectant satisfaction. "But don't worry, you'll become a full member soon enough, I like you already Heather." She laughed breezily, taking Heather's arm in her hands and winding her back toward the corridor into the Center's game and recreational center. I bid a fond farewell with a wave of my hand.

"Hey, wait!!" Heather attempted over trite laughter and conversation as more members began an early launch of the meeting. "Why isn't Mandy going?"

Temnan only nodded. "Oh, well see dear, Mandy's a full member now and she has a full member meeting to get to before she can join you! But don't worry, honey, she'll only be a few minutes and maybe you two can play some pinball! We just had a new pinball machine put in, and we'd love for someone to try it out before... "

As I turned the opposite corridor, I needed only to hear Heather mention that she loved pinball before I had all the assurance I sought out for. One down, five more to go, counting her family.

((…If she ends up like me….)) Mandy started. ((I swear to God I'll-))

((Do continue on, human.)) I mentally gesticulated with care. ((Use your hands to crush me, stomp me flat, and see to it that I am taught a lesson, see to it that-oh, wait….)) I stopped myself, as I lifted her hand and stared nonchalantly into the palm and knuckles, flicking it about on my own whims. ((…Nevermind.))

Perhaps it wasn't the greatest demonstration of wit, but still relatively enough to silence her as I ventured further to the end of the hallway, opened up the closet and twisted the faucet and valves accordingly. Once more, sickness and fear overtook her anger as that all too familiar grinding of the door to the pools began to shuffle and clatter open. That all too familiar opening, that descent, it all wrought her with brutal images that forced her to turn away and pray that this wasn't happening. I almost had to laugh at her mere fragility surfacing beneath such a temper.

My host had visited the pools and met me at a very peculiar time indeed. Daylight hours, time when only a small faction of higher ups were feeding down in the pools, preparing themselves for the tiring and tedious tasks ahead; detain involuntary hosts, enforce hierarchal order among feedings, see to the feeding and re-infestation of Yeerks to hosts, menial tasks fit for those climbing higher up though still not quite above sullied hands, as per the wishes of the Vissers.

The point remained that Mandy had been taken to the pool during a time of less than eventful happenings, where few to almost no hosts yelled from the cages, and guards were scarcely needed amongst the ranks just to infest a few new bodies from the Sharing that weren't even aware of what was going on until it was far too late to turn back.

Mandy had fought, screamed and even begged into Teresa's sullen eyes, unbelieving and terrified that she was being drowned as Teresa saw her through the ordeal and held her head under the sludgy surface, until she slowly stopped struggling as control betrayed her. It was a cloudy memory, one that she blocked deliberately, and one I enjoyed seeing as vividly as if it had just happened. She had honestly thought her time of infestation, and the betrayal of her body to me to have been the rising pinnacle of horrors for any person to have to witness. But as she would soon discover regrettably, she was far from alone and her fear would not end there.

Bodies came pouring in from all directions with the still shuffle of animated corpses wandering the earth. They emerged from stairwells under restaurants, dark frameworks of dug out rock beneath schools, winding earthy steps from beneath the mall. At a matter of all angles and conceivable methods of arrival, human bodies trudged in and began assuming lines and shapes without instruction.

Her thoughts read that they reminded her of ant colonies and bee hives, the way they seemed to innately possess inner sanctums of knowledge of just what to do, how to go about business and how so much more orderly they prepared and performed their tasks than humans could ever be expected to go about it.

But then as we descended, she began to hear the screaming. And suddenly orders and knowledge weren't so fascinating anymore.

She could still barely see around the corner of the stairwell into the pools, but she began to hear voices shouting, cursing and screaming cussed vengeances. She heard pleas and cries for mercy, she heard sobbing become a powerful foundation of it all, and she expected to see strewn about corpses on the ground in pools of blood after singing bullets and gunshots.

((I want to go back!!) she pressed urgently. ((Please!! I don't want to die; I don't wanna end up like those people!! Just….look, I won't bug you anymore, I'll try not to, but seriously, is that enough to kill me over?!))

((Calm yourself, slave.)) I couldn't secrete the smirk in my voice. ((And ask yourself why we would kill our host bodies for just impudence. If such were the case, your entire race would know of my people by this point. No, we have no need to kill your kind.))

((Then….what the hell's going on out there?)) While she seemed relieved under a false pretense that I wouldn't allow anything to happen to her, her question came in a voice that reminded me of pale and bloodless faces.

((You'll see.))

And so long as I held our eyes open she did see, as a matter of fact. And she saw a whole lot more than she had ever wanted to.

She saw the vast underground in all of its massive supremacy, sickened all over again by the sight and memories, yet too mystified by the magnificence of the architecture and its secrecy to look away. Frankly as sagacious as I am even I questioned how all of this remained a secret at times, though it reminded me dutifully of how wondrously blind these people were to what was happening.

She saw and remembered the pool's writhing waters, tumbling and dipping as at least over a thousand Yeerks swam its depths awaiting return to their hosts. The memories she had herself of those depths alone were enough to send her wishing this a dream.

She saw the metal piers positioned strategically near the end of the pool, where the waters deepened just enough for heads to be forced under. As I sidestepped into one of the lines, she couldn't quite capture all the eerie scenes in the dark amethyst glow of the Kandrona, though still I felt her mind begin racing, eyes metaphorically darting all angles I allowed and hands clenching, frightened and empty.

((What's going on? What's going to happen? What are we waiting for?)) she demanded rapid-fire, no longer caring for defiance, courage and strength against the wicked likes of my control as the line advanced forward, a raging and raving old man dragged off the pier past the collective of us.

((I'm delivering my promise to you, of course.)) I replied darkly, refusing to turn our head and watch the course of the now free old man quite on purpose. ((I thought this was what you wanted.))

A young male two humans in front of us knelt down onto the iron pier. He stared calmly into the ashen masses a moment, almost as if he were contemplating the most graceful way to go about this like a diver, pondering his movements and impression on the highest rung of the ladder. A minute or so later he merely shrugged and began to bow his head down….down…out of sight. A human and a Hork Bajir kept cautious and vigilant watch as his head sank beneath the pitch.

For a minute or so there was a distinct calm of almost the professional sort, and of course only moments later did his lax and controlled posture begin bolting about, legs kicking, and his head rose from the pool with enraged eyes and he screamed furiously over his shoulder.

"No!!" he shouted hoarsely. "No!! _No!! _You can't do this again!! Not again, _stop!!_ _**Stop!!**_ _Aaron!!_" he screamed helplessly into a young dark-haired male right in front of us. "_Aaron!! Aaron please help me!!_"

The young male called Aaron only calmly watched the Controllers drag him off in disgust, shaking his head as if he were an embarrassment he didn't wish to know. Mandy's stomach churned, spurred on by sickening realization as she felt illness congeal inside her, thick and toxic to her like raw sludge.

A young girl no more than fifteen was dragged off in tears and caught in screaming that meant nothing.

Then it was the young and ever calm and collected Aaron's turn as he knelt down in the front of us. Mandy was forced to look down; down into the shadowy and rhythmic tumbling of the waves in the Yeerk pool, the ether brimmed with shimmering bodies of Yeerk slugs. She could see it clearly even in darkness, the only light being the strong violet glow of the Kandrona and the dim underground lighting. Fear sharpened the images and made them unmistakable. The strong and distinct scent of the water came wafting upwards, filling Mandy's skull, faithfully bringing me reverent memories of home that made me nostalgic. It was only bringing her memories of muddy creeks back in her old neighborhood, making her terrified.

Aaron's head quickly surfaced, and between choking coughs he howled up into the obscured sky in lament. "_Why?!_" he bellowed. "_Why are you letting this happen?! _Paul?!" his head whirled as two human Controllers took him by his arms and dragged him off the berth, though he seemed more occupied with finding his lost companion than escaping. "Paul, where are you?! _If you can hear me, answer!!_"

Screams, anger and sobs were all that met his voice as a Controller yanked his arm. "Keep them quiet if you can." He said to the other. "All that shouting is becoming an annoyance."

Mandy's solitary footfalls clamored like crashing thunder inside her head, each step clanking more loudly than the last as I ventured up the metal pier.

((No, stop!!)) she screamed desperately. ((What're you doing?!))

((Our turn.)) I replied simply.

For once, I felt too relieved for the coming salvation of long due sustenance to take on my well sharpened art of wit and truth. My reply held no particular note of malice nor smugness, merely fact and simplicity that failed to ease her nerves anymore than a taunt would have. As I knelt our body down and felt waves of nausea overturn my host's reason from deep within, I kept my hateful silence and began the process of detachment.

Her eyes fluttered shut, very much in the same fashion a human computer's monitors will draw blanks as programs are deactivated, systems are abandoned and electricity is left flickering in wild haloes about its own accord, without a master to control it and give it direction. Slowly the knees bent and the head lowered, I felt the assistance of two Controllers above begin pressing me down toward the waves. Those waves, that magnificent roar, I could hear them! I could smell the water; taste the thick metallic air permeating away from it, the other senses having sharpened as I abandoned the human eyes…

((What…?))

Her final words to my leaving presence echoed and faded like a dying star, as slowly my body, my true Yeerk body began emerging and constricting off the crevices and the wrinkles of the gray brain matter. Her thoughts became hidden from me, her memories flickered and her voice began fading…

While the body was without a true master, left for now in a paralyzed and hazy state, I took the moment to slither toward the open ear canal where the blurs and the dazzling brilliance of neural electricity sparkled behind me. Blind. Mute. Alone, as I slipped my way around the tight corners of the inner eardrum and flattened back out like a puddle to meet the outer ear drum without harmful friction. As well rehearsed as if I had owned a human my entire life, I began restricting my structure into a pencil thin protrusion as I had been advised, and I eventually found the frigid rush of outside air for a second when I slithered out the ear…

…Into the pool, where I met the alluring calm and the kind deftness of the Kandrona on the pores of my body. I admit, it felt like it had been a long while since I felt the warmth of my brethren around me as I stretched about and swam the pool easily, the human world beyond the veil-like surface, far from my mind.

((Timmron 348!))

((Good to see you managed your first human host without trouble!))

((Ah, to be home again…))

The greatly relieved and satisfied sighs of the other Yeerks consoled me more than the most intoxicating of the human foods and sights and songs in that moment. The incontestable unity as our bodies were no more than inches apart from one another, the natural warmth of the Kandrona, the substantial promise of the nutrients in the water, it felt delicious to me in more ways than the human vocabulary could ever hope to describe with its most eloquent justice.

For that very moment after longing for so many hours, I let myself be swayed and carried sweetly back and forth by the waves. My sonar reflected a great cluster of Yeerks simply doing as I did, letting the waves take them, the warmth, the whetted hunger and purpose, the melodic swirl of the depths... No complications beyond the motions and fed pores, no memories, nothing further than the most primary contentment found in seconds, longed for after hours...

The other Yeerks, myself among them, we gladly left behind a planet of rocks and trees and wind for a moment to be home again; whether we would admit it or not to our hosts, the pools offered great means of solace and understanding after tolerating three days of nagging and crying.

...Nothing but simple-minded nagging and crying, all of it over our evil and malicious ways, over how our only freedoms were nothing short of immoral and selfish, over how we squandered what some being called God gave us to steal the minds and feelings of others. Nothing but ignorant minds scoffing at our own suffering, never wanting the lives they led and the gifts they possessed, never desiring their minds and bodies until they saw that we were putting them to better use. Better use than lazing about, wishing the minds and trivial thoughts quiet while destroying the bodies with poisons all for the sake of a thrillingly and yet tragically minimal pleasure, doing nothing, taking it all for granted.

And yet somehow through all these complications and despite how we worked for these bodies, had to tolerate the effects, we were still the villains of our own stories.

You know...

After tolerating all of that for how many cycles, one may see where we have given up civility and traded it away for an iron grasp on our hosts to help us cope with that fact. The fact that we needed to borrow the bodies of lesser beings, the fact that we were so deprived of freedom that we descended down to _their_ level _looking_ for it.

But whether we agreed with what we did or not didn't seem to matter. Not when a leader urged by fury and spite had both the power, and the number of soldiers needed to disembowel those who sought peace among host bodies and alternatives…

I suppose my host's yelling had given me more exhaustion than I had hoped for. Normally I wouldn't think of such things; the Council of Thirteen made the Greater Design clear to Yeerks, even those in the greater borders outside the Imperial Circles...

'_If this world _(the world controlled by our Empire) _was not meant for the servants in question, than surely they could not be controlled by the whims of it.'_

Quite basically, it proposed that if these Hork Bajir, these Taxxons and these human bodies were not meant to be controlled by our soldiers, than surely they would be able to surmount and defeat our will as we infested them. Certainly we would do our best to eliminate races of that breed if we could, but understandably we controlled these races due to ... ...what you humans may call natural selection.

Nature, practically what humans call destiny, chose our design and our path through this cold and black journey across stars and seasons. What we Yeerks failed to understand was how we could be blamed if humans were too stupid to accept that philosophy, simply because they were the weak prey of this particular selection. Too simple to understand why they had been handed their supposedly dark fate, thus they were so simple that they refused to accept it all because they were too afraid to accept change. Too stupid to accept the needs of beings unfamiliar to them.

I'm not so sure other Yeerks would agree with me regarding this, but truly we couldn't name ourselves lords of something so vast and never-ending as the universe. It bothered me to think so much about it, but just as our reasons and motives for taking bodies weren't quite so simple, neither was the universe lying in wait for us. There were races we would try our best to take for ourselves, and yet there also lingered races who lied in favorable choice of nature and destiny. (Favorable to them, anyway.)

Nomadic races were spread thin across galaxies we knew not the names of, there were possibly beasts beyond this Earth's sod that could never be tamed by even the best of our soldiers (not likely, but it remained a possibility, for the sake of remaining realistic.), in all truth it was a matter of hardened will and edge.

It was all a test. All this existence was, and all it ever would be, was a test. We rather enjoyed it, it was a test to show those lumbering fools defying us that it wasn't always the strength that won out as much as the sharpened intellect. But it remained a test regardless. To survive. Survive swiftly and entirely in adversity, a balance that the Hork Bajir had learned from us, and a balance that Earth should have been acquainted with having supposedly practiced it for so many centuries.

Many Yeerks would not confess to the relationship with their hosts to be anything more than a master to a machine, as dictators without a cause, but I suspect that this is to keep the wars we fight and the horrors we see simple. The hosts were of course lesser beings to our cause and to our name, but the fact remained that they were keys to our success in terms of existing for us to take control of. Some Yeerks knew that, myself among them, and perhaps we thought being careful and avoiding complete cruelty with the hosts proved compensation enough for their enslavement.

But I could never gather the patience to explain that to my host. If it was simpler for her to admit that I was a mere beast without a conscience, then let her, if it established terms definitely. If it was a consolation for her to yell whatever she desired for the apparently thoughtless act I had done, then let her. (Even if I would be there constantly, admonishing, correcting, reminding her who was truly in control over this body now.)

I think it will suffice to say that this invasion was possibly the most dramatic we had ever come across in our travels. And yet in the same instance, the most thought provoking. Too thought provoking, actually, as my time in the pool quickly passed and I was recalled to the infestation pier much more quickly than I would have preferred. The only instance of infestation any Yeerk would confess that they despised was the time between the pools and the hosts; mute, squirming, trapped, alone and helpless, a joke of physical contrivance in our creation.

I felt her struggling still in the pool, her vast limbs reaching for me as her head emerged into a cold rush of air, hands denied of my thinning shapes over and over again. After proper application of the deadening agent, I constricted myself into a thin oblong form, almost liquefying my body around the ear drum. I eluded skin, bone, and re-formed my shape when I felt the lightest tingle of electricity, wild and jolting from fear just ahead.

The brain!

Just as I had the first time I settled in nicely. I spread my body over the folds, exhilarated by the attachment of the neurons as they each brought a tender, electrical bite that made me feel more alive than I had been in what felt like centuries. Slowly I felt the machine of her body humming back to life beneath my control. Her eyes opened.

"Thank you." I said sagely to the two human Controllers beside me, as well as the Hork Bajir not far behind them before turning heel and walking away.

Hard to believe it had been nearly two hours, but for another three days I was free to roam the above world as I stole a final glance back into the insignificance of the pool, betraying the warmth and gentle understanding of my pool brothers around me. Easily forgivable within myself to put it behind me for now. After all, for the time being I could walk and see again.

Yet as I wound my way up and around the eroded stairway, I heard nothing of Mandy's voice or her defiance as I strode up for the dimly lit corridor of the Citizen's Center. Had it not been for my brief search of her memories, I might have guessed I had infested the wrong host, but indeed her memories flared into me through the touch of a palp.

Colors and sounds came strung together, and the loud echoes they emitted told me that these memories were fresh. Peering into them, I saw for myself the lapse of time in my absence as I commanded the knots of foreign sounds and cries into clearer and more sequential images. This would prove amusing…

_I felt something slide past my hair. Understandably disgusted, I swatted a hand for it, reaching and missing for whatever had fallen out. It took about five seconds for it to sink in that I had been the one that had moved my hand, and that I had been the one to look around, seeing where I was when I emerged from the pool…_

_The Yeerk!!_

_The Yeerk was out!! The Yeerk was gone!!_

_In that moment, I almost cried as I looked around again but it was like I had forgotten how. After losing my tears and my eyes for so long, it was like I had forgotten a lot of things in the corner of my mind where I had spent the past century. Choked when I tried to laugh, laughed when I tried to cry. For once, I was the one looking around, and it happened so damn naturally that I did it again and again as if I would never be able to if I didn't hurry. I was moving my head, my arms, and my legs again by my own will for the first time in days. It was almost unbelievable! I guess the little grub was keeping his promise after all…!_

_But that hope sank away pretty quickly when the human Controllers alongside me grabbed my arms, out of nowhere. …What? No, no! They couldn't do this, not now!! I was free, the Yeerk was gone, it said I could be free!!_

_"What are you-?! What are you doing?!"_

_The two Controllers kept a firm hold around my arms as they dragged me back off the pier, kicking frantically. "What the fuck are you doing?! It said I could go!! It said!!" _

_There was a cold panic in me as I was pulled away, not the kind that I could will away and just do what I had to do, not the kind of panic that I could be talked out of by Jim holding me close to him, telling me it was all right… Hell, it was hardly a panic as much as it was a clamping fear and hate and anger all burning at once in me, eating away pieces I didn't know I wouldn't want to let go of._

_Fear felt like a whole lot of things that made me wish I weren't alive. Words sinking and stirring like vomit, chest aching and my own sweat reeking with adrenaline; oh God, this wasn't fair!! This wasn't fair!!_

_"Let me go!! Didn't you fucking hear me?!" I shouted, and my God it was so damn unbelievable to hear my own voice again, after thinking my voice had been bought by someone else for so long._

_I dug my fingers and nails into the goddamn flannel of one of the Controller's shirts, I didn't care who heard me, I didn't care who saw me. I could move again, I didn't care about anything at all in those seconds. The hate I had for these two, their Yeerks for enslaving them and the men beneath their control for not being stronger, the hate saw to all of that. It let you not care about things you should have considered, it let you be angry and hell, even be glad that you were angry, let you scream and cry and eat feelings and not care until all you knew was a large cage…_

_…Cage?!_

_The Controllers were quick to almost throw me in, and the iron bars had slammed shut before I could even get up off my knees to make a run for it. No way. No damn way were cage bars going to separate me from my freedom, now that I had learned my lesson and now that I knew that even a simple life like mine wasn't free, no way could I lose it again._

_As I slammed my fists into the bars, stories quickly ran through my head about situations like this, like mine. Someone would take their lives for granted, or they'd act as if fate had pissed all over them and they were going to just lie down and die in it, but then something cataclysmic would come along that made them see how good they had it. Alice in Wonderland was one, when she had thought life was boring and figured out before tumbling down the rabbit hole into a world of grinning Cheshire cats and mad tea parties. Although as she learned her lesson, my bets were that Alice never had to deal with an alien slug controlling her body as she played croquet with the Queen of Hearts._

_Guess this wasn't the right place for fairy tales._

_"Fuck!!" Kicking the cage's door proved no good as I whirled around in desperation, spitting out words while I could. "Fuck!!" I slid down the bars and onto the hard ground, searching the confinement, anyway out, any chance to escape._

_"There's no way out." A voice rasped tiredly to my actions, reminding me that I wasn't alone. Taking time now to count a few middle-aged men, an older woman, Myers, and a younger teenage boy, I found some relief in the fact that I wasn't alone. But the fact we were all meeting like this made things even worse all over again. The young teenage boy, blonde messy hair and brown eyes, the one sitting against the cage wall, he had been the one I heard._

_"What are you talking about?!" I demanded sharply, throwing my arms up. "There's got to be! No one would do this, what do they want?!" I paced the grounds as the others watched my humanity crumble in on itself. I probably looked like a wild animal, but I'd be lying if I said I gave a damn at that moment. It was a stupid question. Three days with the Yeerk, and I damn well knew exactly what he wanted as I watched him measure up my family and friends like slabs on a meat rack. Like cattle.  
_

_The boy cast his eyes down, shaking his head. "They want us." He said bitterly. He had seen that I knew the answer to my own question, but it probably made him feel better to spit it out, remind himself why he was being kept prisoner down here._

_"Mandy…" Myers' voice shook when he called to me, and as I turned to him I began to feel sick all over again. That wasn't supposed to be how Myers sounded. His voice didn't dwindle, falter or shake like he didn't know what he was going to say as it was doing now. He was authoritative, stern, and he hardly called out names. He hunted skateboarders and kids running across the parking lot down, barked orders and expected rule breakers to bring themselves to justice._

_And more notably he didn't flinch backward when I looked up at him as if I were going to punch him just for acknowledging me. His eyes had always been cold, methodically fierce and undaunted… Or had that just been the Yeerk I was seeing?_

_Uncertainty and paranoia were flung between each other like bullets in his eyes._

_"…I'm so sorry they got to you. Kid, if…" he swallowed and breathed hard, unsure if he would be able to do either. "If I had any control…" his breathing became erratic and crippled, and he looked down into the ground with enough fear and shame to make this entire nightmare very real as I fought back a scream to wake myself up._

_I sent him a nod and turned away, which was all he needed as he meandered toward the back of the cage with his head low and arms submissive. When I was sure that my own screams were swallowed, I turned back to the teenage boy against the wall, with the cusp of a hot fire rising in my throat._

_"Yeah thanks for the update there." I shot back at him, before savagely attacking the far left cage wall and screaming again. "Let me out!! I said let me out- you!! You!! Get over here and let us out, this is insane!!"_

_"It's not insane. It's their way of making sure no one else knows about them. They keep us down here, the aliens…the Yeerks…" he put his hand to his temple as he spat out the words like grains of sand in his teeth. "They play as us and nothing ever happened. …It's the perfect invasion."_

_I backed away from my tirade on the bars, staring him down and saying nothing for the while he looked away. "Well hell, if they're this clever than I guess I gotta give them credit." I didn't bother masking the hatred and the sarcasm I felt teething through me already. "Why don't you just go out and help these pricks if you think they're so damn smart?!"_

_"Honey, nobody is here because they want to be…" the older woman broke in softly. Her face was only slightly wrinkled and warm, she reminded me of the typical grandmothers recounting Christmas stories to their grandchildren around open fires. "They got to all of us here, the Yeerks…They took us." I was almost sure this was a dream, it had to be when sweet old women spoke of aliens in our brains, but she continued on in a voice that made me think about cinnamon._

_"They control us…we stay here while they feed, and when they're ready they take us out and…" Her watery brown eyes averted mine, glittering with a tear as she turned completely around._

_"We're all infested hosts that got dragged into this. We're just like you." The boy added dutifully before he managed to pull himself up, leaning against the cage bars on his shoulder. "And since our Yeerks have us locked up together, we'll probably be seeing a lot more of each other. My name's Logan."_

_"Yeah, nice to meet you." I said bitterly, staring numbly through the bars. "I've never had this much fun meeting new people without gunfire."_

_Logan managed a weak chuckle, but the sound was sort of strangled, as if he wasn't sure how to laugh anymore. "Think that's the first time I've smiled in weeks." He said slowly, and how his eyes seemed dim of their color made me wish I had never met him. "…'s yours?"_

_"…Mandy Charles." I replied slowly, approaching Logan now as he slumped back into the ground. "…Are you okay?"_

_"Logan's just fine, dear." The older woman said kindly as she knelt down toward him, resting a wrinkled hand on his forehead and brushing stray hair from his half-lidded eyes. "He just…had a bit of an accident earlier. And well… Dear, turn over and let me see…"_

_Logan's brow had begun to bead with dogged sweat as he lazily opened an eye, obviously not wanting to comply with the woman's request. "I don't think I can, Christine." he said tiredly. "I mean I can, but I don't really want to…"  
_

_Christine gently reached for his left leg, cooing softly as he grimaced. "Shhh, easy dear…I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to see if you're all right…"_

_I could only stand back, watching as she gently lifted the calf of his leg. He groaned and whimpered, but hushed accordingly as Christine inspected the back of his pantleg. It was then I noticed the denim material was shredded and blackened, the burnt markings winding almost around to the front of his pants._

_Beneath the hardened material, my jaw nearly dropped at the sight of an open wound, going up half his leg around five inches. It wasn't in too deep, but the skin had been effectively sliced open from the left, leaving a sizeable, deadened flap of scorched flesh over matting and constantly coming blood. The shredded denim would catch painfully in the drying meat of his leg if he didn't keep the skin over it, but it seemed to hurt him just to stare into it. He was gasping lightly just from Christine's inspection as her fingers danced gracefully around the bruised edges, he literally looked like a husk of rotten and raw meat from his knee down._

_"What… what the hell happened to him? Who did this to him?" was all I could manage, when nothing else but anger seemed respectful enough._

_"Controllers." Christine sighed, patting Logan's shin sympathetically like injured game caught in a trap. "See, Logan almost got away... almost."_

_"Ran as fast as I could, broke away a second." Logan choked proudly with a wry simper to match, resting his hand atop his afflicted leg as if it were a wound caught in battle, rather than capture. "But those bastards... Those pier-pushers... Pulled out a Dracon Beam on me. Low setting. Still hurt like a bitch, though." he chuckled weakly again, before leaning back, defeated, shoulders flat and sweating against the cage, white T-shirt damp._

_As I watched Christine lean in toward him with all the grandstand play of a mother handling a son's scraped knee, something came crashing down in my head. It felt heavy and ongoing like rain, but it swirled and sank like an ocean. It was too heavy to swim in, and it dove down into the bottom of my throat and froze in my chest. I couldn't even feel the tears as they conspired against me and came down, hell... As I slid to the ground, I clung to them and I embraced them. It was like hugging a piece of stray flotsam as I drowned in whatever it was that I felt inside._

_They didn't need to tell me, because when they saw me sit in a corner and start to scream into my knees, they knew I had registered it with an unmatched clarity. I wasn't leaving this place. I would never leave this place, and even if I did in some form it wouldn't be me leaving. It would be a body, a mere shell of me controlled by that little maggot inside my brain. I had learned my mistake, but I would pay for it until it was finished, I would see my mistake over and over again until the end._

_And comprehending that future, understanding how fatal this was, somehow in the end it helped me drift in the heavy coldness without dying completely. It let my mouth scream and let my chest hurt just to prove that they knew how. And that they knew how without that thing. _

_No one tried to stop me or calm me down. They knew I was diving down into it, that I was letting the waves crash and letting the rain come before the inside of me drowned in it. I didn't know if it was realization. I didn't know if it was the truth, but I screamed, I cried and I felt sorry, I did all of that so that I could keep breathing. I didn't really understand it myself at first, but it came in time like everything else._

_Then the door swung open, and I had just enough time to look up and watch two Controllers swoop in and take Logan roughly by his arms and swing the bars shut again before any of us could comprehend it. I had barely another second to catch a smile he threw over his shoulder that was only half alive, half dying, knowing with every step he was forced to take what he was about to become again. Christine turned to me next, embracing me lightly and letting my cheek rest on her warm and fragile shoulder._

_"Logan!! **Logan!!**"_

_"Shhh...shhhhh..."_

_"There's got to be a way..." I choked on the words as they came out tattered and meaningless. "There's got to be a way out..."_

_I felt her chest rise unevenly, and I knew that Christine was weeping silently with me in her arms. I also knew she was trying to hide it, stay strong, since in that moment I couldn't even stand anymore. Her blonde graying curl, her tears and the elderly lilt in her voice became the most human experience I'd had in days. And I never wanted to leave it. Mom, Dad, Mitchell and Lucy were all too far away, this was all I had and I wanted it so badly for as long as I needed it._

_"If there was, babydoll... I'd give up every penny I own, to learn it." Was all she managed._

_No more was needed after that. We just stayed in that corner of the cage, weakly entwined, crying and unified with what had to be pure humanity. As the middle aged men across from us began joining hands, praying in their own circle on the other side, we all felt a secret power there in the tears and numbness bringing us together without questions and lies and politics and differences. I wasn't a stupid kid to them, they weren't generic older people to me, no one was but a mere man nor woman, no one was of any age and no one blended into the walls. We were one and the same in the sobs and the prayers for a release that wouldn't come until death. I felt my name slide away, Christine felt her age no longer matter._

_We were humans._

_As Christine wept secretly into my hair, I screamed again and again, crying, swimming and breathing until the guards caught sight of me and pointed. At first I thought they were just going to tell me to keep quiet, but then they began to draw closer. I felt a whole lot of things. I felt my arms shake, and the cold sink into my stomach._

_I felt Christine's arms tighten protectively around me, holding me like a precious granddaughter close to her chest, but as they approached with dark holes for eyes and annoyed expressions we both knew they would have what they were coming for. As they swung open the door and their Yeerk-controlled arms reached out for me, we both knew, and even when Christine had to be shoved backward into the other hosts as they wrenched me from her grip, without a word, we both knew._

_At first I tried my hardest to plant my feet where they were, I yanked my arms back and I shrieked with all the horror I felt and that Christine wore. But the cage door had slammed on the others and the pool came closer with every plea I tried._

_"Stop!! Stop, please stop!! Just a few more minutes, please!! Please!!"_

_"I can't do this again, I just can't!! I'm sorry God... I can't..."_

_"I won't tell anyone, please! Listen to me!! Please...!!"_

_I frantically hoped the roar of the sounds and screams colliding in me would drown out the waves of the Yeerk pool. It didn't, not when an unfamiliar creature towered over me, lowering a blade on its wrist to my throat as I was pushed up the second pier. Not when my head was pushed into the waves, and solid ground became ancient history behind me. Not when I felt something colder than the ache in my chest begin to slide into my ear._

_But through all of that, wouldn't you know that Logan's dying smile never left me?_

I wasn't honestly certain of just what to say to that. A part of me scoffed about how dire a situation these humans would need to be in to learn trust in one another, and to learn the fatality of their errors. Yet another part of me too felt the freedom and tragic joy in that moment when senses and movement became a sensation.

There was a part of me that mocked the entire memory, yet some part of me regarded it as somewhat respectable, the same way humans were fascinated with finding such unity and kinship in their wild animals. Humans would scoff about how uncivilized the animals appeared, yet they saw something admirable in the strength the animals found, to survive brutal conditions that they never imagined themselves in.

Something was very curious and very sentient about the whole thing. Something I didn't really dare to intrude on nor commend her for.

((...Just go away.)) Mandy's voice came lifeless and solemn, still immersed in the somber swell of her emotions and empathy. ((Just please... I'm not asking much. I'm not asking for control. I'm not asking you to leave. I'm not begging for anything.)) I felt fear, intense and real in how she spoke. ((...Just go away.))

((...As you wish.))

Our connection was severed. It was a warrant that some Yeerks may have deemed inappropriate, others traitorous while others still would see it as decency. But my own actions merely prove what I have been saying all along, if you have taken the time to observe my philosophy among the Empire and learn from it the same things that I have kept with me every time I took a host body for myself. Nothing is ever simple. It never would be.

* * *

...That was actually pretty interesting to go into the host's perspective. :3 Now I see why a lot of Controller fics are taken from the host's point of view, although I think that this was only a rare thing. I kinda wanted to tackle the issue from both ends, so yes, leaving this as a gray area chapter was my goal. My God I'm so hungry, lmfao, I need Snapple and some Oreos. Or at least some Snapple. Um. I'm about to go camping here today so here's to hoping I don't get EATEN BY A BEAR. 

Again, reviews are optional but they sure are nice. ;D And that review button doesn't bite so - OH GOD IT'S GOT MY ARM


	10. Hiding

...Oh lord, it sure has been a while, hasn't it? I guess I owe you readers out there my sincerest apologies. I honestly had no intention of letting this story go unattended for so long! It's just that well.. ...school sort of became an issue at first, (so many projects and essays and research papers, so little time.) and then of course NaNoWriMo came up in November, in which when you're trying to write a 50,000 word novel, and you share a computer, writing anything but your novel is downright impossible, and then work, and then exams, and well... You all know how that goes. Life can really stink sometimes when it interferes with your writing life, eh?

But I will take this moment again to apologize sincerely for the lack of updates. I promise you, I will do my best to avoid this sort of inexcusable negligence in the future, and I hope those of you out there who have favorited, reviewed, and read this story repeatedly can keep reading! The good thing about this little hiatus is that I've actually gotten a good lot of the plot figured out, and much better than I did before, mind you, so organization should definitely help keep this story on the right track.

And now, on with the show. LAWL.

Disclaimer: ...I may not own animorphs, but I do own a SOUL. D: oh. I have seen what you've done, there.

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Chapter Ten: Hiding 

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Two weeks, two long weeks in Mandy's body had given me decorative assortments of empty dreams, a nightmare's worth of screaming for all of us, the muffled despair of a girl whose defiance shrank into bursts of repressed desire. In grandeur, my role of master was deeply appeased by the past few cycles where every infestation fed a swelling, contrite timidity as she slowly began to realize what was truly happening.

The role of the defiant captive fell dead inside of her, her threats sank and twisted away, fading into mere fantasies rather than bothersome words. She thought it no use to add wearisome defeat to the misery of watching ordinary days float by, in haloed worlds drifting in and just out of reach.

And yet she was humbled by the entire conception; that mere microscopic synapses, insignificant neurons and unseen whirs of electricity were all that lied between her and re-claiming her own life. Of all such obstacles to face, to fight for freedom, in all their history humans had never expected to be thwarted by such bothersome matters as science. Too immersed in their own tales of coiling dragons and oppressing soldiers serving some tired old man they called their king, this matter right here defined the downright impossible. And humbled by all of that, by just how significant these tiny things turned out to be, the key differences between freedom and slavery, she was silent. She had nothing to say.

In that time however, I saw no reason to bait her anger again by taunting her. That was a common mistake among most Yeerks, to continually torment their hosts; often instances arose when the host descended into a very solitary madness. With nothing left to live for, having truly gone into raving and utter lunacy, they fought, and they fought with strength unimaginable.

It was not uncommon for those struggles to be externalized, and sometimes that was all it took. Uninfested humans asked questions when they saw a man who had no control of his legs as they buckled beneath him, or when they whispered about a woman whose mouth screamed unintelligibly when just moments ago she had been calmly purchasing a bag of apples at one of the local markets.

Now, sometimes the fighting escalated to that fervent point, and sometimes it didn't. But it would forever remain a mystery to me just how competent Yeerks saw that chance fit to take, when they already had complete control. If the host had accepted fate, why tempt disaster?

She hardly even objected when Heather's meetings had begun tallying up to my favor, and Temnan began hinting that soon enough she too would be ready to accept all the responsibilities and sacrifice of full membership. Not that she worded this in such a way, as much as she simply hinted that Heather would soon join in our fun in the secrecy of our private meetings while she was stranded and pondering in the center game room.

((Oh yeah.)) Mandy had said dully, as Teresa walked away with a well solicited spring in her step. ((Come on down, it's a blast.))

I will admit that there also came a great disadvantage of Mandy's submission and silent reverie, and though I hadn't realized that at first, it surfaced quickly enough in my mind as I controlled hers. Distraction. There was an absence of distraction; some days I could think that she planned things out this way, but her silence and her ongoing wait for a release had all given me time to focus on my mission.

My assignment, and how in the past two weeks no one seemed to have any leads or traces on any suspicious activity. Even by chance, the threats had suddenly stopped. It was as if they had detected that they were being hunted, and scouting areas where their last activities had been traced, there was no sign of anything noteworthy. For all intents and purposes, RUBICON had disappeared, the trail dead and cold.

Maybe they know something... Maybe they're onto him, and they're all just moving in, silently... all a matter of time...

Her thoughts were still thickly fading into desperate hopes and new means of denial, with all of that same anticipation of a Bug Fighter pilot whose ship plummets flaming and glorious like a falling star into nowhere. Eyes clenched shut, in a sense, with hope for a truth much gentler than the actual reality. Still, while her notions were disturbingly plausible in the grand scheme of it all, I tried to muffle that wanton flare of paranoia and keep away from the Dracon Beam concealed near the back of Mandy's closet. And to the best of my ability, I kept away from the key-locked black case that gleamed like gun barrels.

It had all began as a typical Saturday morning really, having finished my arguably compulsive routine of inspecting the new weapon in its unusually warm home when Mandy's phone rang below downstairs. Even muffled, the shrill bells and pitches of phones startled me and never failed to evoke my sincerest aggravation; why humans could not simply invest in holographing technology to communicate was beyond me. Or it would lie beyond me, until I remembered that they were humans.

"Mandy!!" Mitchell's voice shouted from below, bringing me out of my inspection with a quick start. "Mandy!! Phone!!"

I snapped the black case shut with a smothered click.

"_MANDY!!_"

"I heard you the first time, Sabrina!!" I yelled impatiently through a locked door and a level of stairs and carpet down into the kitchen. "Don't tangle your blonde pigtails over it!!"

Mitchell grumbled something that would have whitened his mother's face had she been there to hear it, and glared up at me venomously as I dismounted the steps. "Took you long enough." was what became audible as I approached, with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, and I thank you for your patience there Katie Beth Sue," I replied steadily with all the skepticism that could be expected of Mandy as I took the receiver. "now please, by all means for and get your PMS under control."

Bound to the wall by a cord and a hand over the receiver, I watched him storm out, both Mandy and I sharing for a moment the same expected annoyance of his less than pleasant attitude as of late. Perhaps it was the sub par performance of the marching band at the school-hosted County Preview, Grace had said when Lawrence had even asked what Mitchell's problem was the day after.

The fact that a flinty temper had sprung out awkwardly from his usually gentle and somewhat reclusive nature since that fateful Tuesday made no indication otherwise. Offering him an escape like The Sharing would have been pointless at that time, alternatives would only make him angrier, drove him away from my intentions.

But the mandatory practice that morning had not made him any fraction less difficult to deal with, and the anger, unusually enough, could be felt emanating from him as strongly as the scents of grass and sweat. It was quite possibly the most unusual sensation that I would never accustom to in this body, transcending from interpreting actions and reading blank faces to feeling the points of a temperate reproach in the air like needles.

According to my host's mind, this heightened perception was deemed to be a sense of "intuition", a trait found among sentient beings and swelling in the excesses of emotional intellect. It was an advance associated mostly, if not entirely to some means of compassion, or at least according to her mind, one had to be prone to emotion from the outset in order to advance the senses of relation and co-relation.

Not that I was known for such things as sympathy and compassion, but the part of engineer within a mind that was better known for such things would in effect enable me to the same abilities. Or such was my guess, but that matter just wasn't as important as business.

"Hello?"

"Guess who." Mariah's voice greeted dryly. Gustav Mahler's Addigatto sighed tiredly from her stereo, the speakers blaring slightly in the background.

"Hey!" I managed happily, turning on heel to meet the countertops with a caution. "What's up? How's it going?"

…According to Mandy's memories, Mariah's phone calls could me methodically predicted in their nature simply from the divulgence of the musical backdrop. For example, Beethoven meant that Mariah was exceedingly pleased, thrilled, victorious even and usually Ode to Joy could be heard with cheery bravado from the violins of the London symphony when report card days had gone well.

Meanwhile, Vivaldi meant that she may have been feeling nervous or stressed, and Mandy had come to know the first and third movements of the Autumn concerto quite well thanks to Mariah calling the nights before final exams for as long as they had been in high school.

There were many other examples, such as Pachelbell or Mozart signifying that a peaceful or contemplative mindset was calling to discuss philosophies and gain assurances, but how Mandy distinguished half of it when it all sounded like hollow droning and saddened vibrations to me, I would never know.

Mahler, Mandy wasn't quite sure about yet, but she was sure that it was an omen if careless steps were taken. Mariah was not in an agreeable mood that could be negotiated, judging from the conversation so far.

"Just another morning of my life that I'll never get back, the usual." Mariah trickled coldly. Mahler became dangerously quiet for a few seconds.

"Ugh... ...practice didn't go well, I take it."

The cellos roared slightly, almost with indignation and there was another weary sigh down the line. "I just need something to get away for a while. You don't have to work today, right?"

"Right..."

The truth of that matter was that Mandy hardly even had a job at the 24/7 anymore. In a fortuitous turn of matters, Mandy's employer Mr. Rick became my swift subordinate once his true identity of Vireem 427 was revealed.

She had braced herself for something such as this, dreamed of it night after night, and had even fantasized calm reactions for herself should something like this ever rise up. But even then, still the shock of having been obeying a Yeerk before she had ever come to know one had sickened and depressed her for the rest of those three particular days. Understanding that the Sub Visser had sent me undercover work, Vireem had become very lenient suddenly in his method of scheduling.

"Well, how about the mall later?" Mariah's voice sounded desperate and tried of all options. "Come on, please? I just called Ash and Heather, Ash is doing something with her mom and Heather's off doing something with The Sharing."

"Volunteer work, probably." I replied absently. "It goes on your college applications if you do their Community Service Projects, maybe we could go out there and lend a hand so we could-"

"Oh my God, college applications are the last thing I wanna think about right now!" Mariah chattered, as the cellos groaned loudly and sank back into her floors. "Just... please, Mand? I really need someone to just hang with, right now..."

I sighed, knowing fully well that relenting would be my only option. "Fine, fine, mall it is." I drew my shoulder up to cradle the receiver. "Where you wanna meet up? My house? Your house...? What?"

"Food court. Haven't had anything to eat today, and I still need to shower and get ready and that'll take way too long..." she said in a hollow voice, though the muffled click of a button came and a second later Pachelbell's Canon on harps and pianos came softly tumbling into the phone line.

"Okay. Meet you there."

"Thanks Mand, seriously, you're a lifesaver. See you there!"

"See you!"

Good, as far as Mandy was concerned. Mariah's mood had shifted, and she had escaped infestation...for now. The farther she stayed away from the Sharing, the better...

((So you've still some hope that she'll see through my puppeteering ruse?)) I asked, as the phone came clacking into the cradle on the wall and I met an indignant flare of hope rising up in the host mind. ((You have seen how widespread we are, how numerous we are, how powerful our influence has become, and yet still you hold out hope?))

After saying I have had no intentions of taunting my host, one may have called my words and actions hypocritical, but know that I am not one to preach empty words to other Yeerks. Understand that my words were in no way malicious or spiteful, not so much as they were curious. Intrigued, at the durability of human dreams; how despite conscious hope being sapped clean of them, still, they had the strength to remain astoundingly resilient in some shred of faith. Mandy seemed to sense my intrigue, measuring the credibility of my questions carefully, doing so with actual answers instead of anger.

((...Well, no one's perfect.)) she finally answered. ((You've gotta slip up sometime, and when you do, there's no chance in Hell that you'll get to any of my friends.))

((...'Slip up'?)) I couldn't conceal my amusement if I tried. ((I've deceived your own parents, your own _family_, human. You honestly believe that I can't deceive them, too? Or rather as far as they know, you're the one deceiving them.))

She didn't seem quite as spitefully occupied with the notion as I was; her mind shrank back, the cloud of her voice sank into her skull, I could almost feel it as a physical disorientation as she sought desperately for an argument. Of course, there remained none. Though it seemed a depraved joke on my part, at least in her opinion, the dark truth still tantalized whim and fantasy into a vacuum.

The very fact that it was all happening and unfolding around her was what made any truth I indicated so terrible. Before meeting me she would have never even thought my existence as plausible, yet the fact I was here inside her own mind, and the fact that she had seen so many others controlled and so many above ground likely to follow not only ruled out insanity as an explanation, but it already defined the downright impossible. I defined the downright impossible. The one probable beacon of truth, among some mythological web of lies and whims that –

((Why do you do this?))

I paused cautiously, abruptly, reading her thoughts for elaboration. Why did I do this... ...Why did we Yeerks do this, is what she meant to ask. Why did we Yeerks assume the roles and powers we stole in host bodies, and why did we wrench it all away so ruthlessly? That was what she had meant to ask. Strange that humans object to having their minds read, yet they never truly speak their thoughts to insure that such intrusions aren't necessary.

((Why do you humans do what you do?)) I replied coolly, as I began walking back up the steps to Mandy's room and swinging open the door. ((Why do you humans commit the same sort of crimes to your own animals, your own planet?)) I continued dryly at her confusion. ((Why do you humans still insist on slaughter, for example, when you've developed other peaceful alternatives? Why do you humans still insist on killing to eat? Why do you humans not believe in the same divine being, and further, when so many of you are so unsure of whether one even exists or not, why do you destroy one another simply over a disagreement?))

I pulled open the closet door and began paddling through jeans and blouses as Mandy reeled from both my own string of questions, and from how acidic my voice had become with each inquiry.

((...Hold on, there's a _**huge**_ difference between the stuff we do and what you _Yeerks_ do!!)) Mandy began, as I matched a turquoise blouse and a teal jean skirt by their designated hangers, in a silvery full length mirror hanging on her door.

((Is there, now?)) I asked with a sardonic surprise, as I matched a lavender floral spaghetti strap tank top with a lengthy black skirt, embellished with a gleaming white-thread butterfly.

((Yes!!)) Mandy's voice tinged with that volatile anger that I had come to know very well within the past two weeks before she had decided, as she so eloquently put it, 'Fuck this.' and fallen to silence. ((As for what we do with animals, well, most people just like meat, and we can't forget about what'll happen if some animals overpopulate and they get to starve to death. What then? And as for our flaws, don't be so quick to judge us. I'm sure your race isn't so fucking perfect either, no being capable of good and evil's without its flaws.))

I laughed dryly. She cringed from the sound of it, as it reverberated around the mental realm with an echoic lilt, like laughing into an empty hall. I finally settled for a pair of slimming jeans and an electric red tank top with inch wide straps. ((Perhaps it would be quite a bound to claim we were perfect. If we truly were perfect, then we wouldn't need to degrade ourselves to your levels looking for freedom.))

I slid my arms into a thin maroon blouse that fell delicately and like water over Mandy's shoulders, barely brushing her hips. ((But morality cannot argue too much with progress.))

There clouded a very vague attentiveness, but confusion remained strong and ongoing like electrical current. ((The hell's that mean?)) she spat suddenly, trying her best not to sound as she truly felt.

((It means that our morality lies within our progress, if one must simplify it.)) I replied, sliding delicate feet into a pair of slender black sandals and running smooth fingers through auburn tresses. ((We have set aside destroying and convicting one another for our differences, to ultimately realize our one goal. Showing our enemies the might of the Yeerk Empire.))

((Some Empire.)) she said coldly, sending me the mental equivalent of a furrowed brow, and a darkly set jaw. ((An empire of nothing but slugs, I'm sure you guys get taken really seriously.))

((Slugs intelligent enough to have reached and conquered hundreds of races, human. And slugs intelligent to have reached you. Don't forget.)) I lightly tightened my grip around the quarterly lobes of her brain, my own friendly reminder sending a shudder through her so strong it nearly became a physical convulsion against both our wills.

((Couldn't even if I tried.)) Her voice murmured tiredly, the fog of it fading fast with the mental equivalent of turning away.

Apparently my points in the conversation were too depressing, too factual and undesired for her to continue as I jotted a quick note of where we were going for Grace on the kitchen table. We were on the road on bike headed for the mall within five minutes. Mandy said nothing, and did her best to say nothing that entire way as I kept the hum of traffic and the ticking of sprinklers lining front yards for company.

Still, even as we rode on with a silence between us, something about her sudden breach of submission had captured a morbid interest of mine. Now that she had accepted fate, her words came bitterly, but they fell to softness. She had within her an intricate design all her own, something my control could not and would not smother completely as I had fantasized it would in my days of training. But that in itself was strange, because knowing every thought and fear of hers as intimately as my own name, I still didn't have quite all the tools needed to educate nor even deceive her.

She made no trouble for me as we cut through the wealthier districts of the city, turning block after block and gaining time with clicking chains and rolling pavement, but something had changed. Something more civil, yet more calculating emerged from a dominated being that shouldn't have, in the sense that she relished my curiosity about her now.

It was unusual behavior for a host, or at least I thought so. But now whether she spoke to me to discourage me, or whether she strived specifically for my reactions, I soon had to read her thoughts to be able to tell. Perhaps she had accepted that besides other enslaved humans, I was all the company she had, and she wasn't quite patient enough to wait three days to talk to human faces so I was simply a substitution. But the fact remained, a host wanting the attention and reaction of a Yeerk was unusual, to put it charitably.

...And to think, all that intrigue between us when somewhere unknown to any of us, the RUBICON hunted me and grew more determined by the hour.

((Don't be so dramatic.)) she grumbled, having detected my urgency surfacing as reminders of my mission came drifting back above barking dogs and tumbling tires. ((They didn't kill you yesterday, and as much as I hate it, they won't kill you today.))

((Just what makes you so sure of that, slave? Have you done the calculations of our odds? Have you asked them personally?)) I retorted hotly, my voice harsher than I admit I'd have normally permitted. ((Don't speak of things as if you know what goes on, human. I've told you before.))

((I know that they've disappeared, they know you know somehow.)) she said unsteadily. She was only throwing out theories, but the fact that this was plausible didn't fail to unnerve me. (Not that I would reveal that much to her.)

((I know-))

((The only thing you know is that you belong to me.)) I said soberly, in the same sunken and tired tone I used again and again to remind the host who remained in absolute victory as she fell silent. ((And I suggest you come to know that irrevocably before you decide where your input is needed.))

She was silent in obedience, if not for a genuine sort of hurt, strangely enough.

I weaved lopsided curves between shimmering lines of stilled vehicles and swerved to dodge oncoming cars that worked as I did to find space in the buzzing lot. As I locked our handlebars into the bike rack, I took quick notice of the colorful congregation collected of hoods and shapes from glittering black Volvos to exhaust coughing pick-ups with age tattered paint chipping off doors and tailgates.

From attending a human educational system for merely two weeks, already I had learned a puzzling fragment of the collective and general human symbolism based entirely on superficiality. Each gleaming piece of metal and scorched rubber told hypothetical tales that translated to social standing.

For example, that polished silvery mustang not far off in the front rows, it sang highly of success and attraction. The general assumptions among other humans were multi-dimensional, or at least as far as the accepting perspective would go. Either the driver was clever or attractive enough to support such a magnificence of splendor and finance, or the driver was nothing more than some strange, spoiled pet to pairs of uncaring hands always in their checkbooks when they weren't handling business affairs, in which they spilt their money carelessly like dirty water.

Meanwhile, trucks, battered sierras and festively painted Volkswagens indicated various personalities with signs that might have threatened to fascinate me, if only I had cared. Having come from Bug Fighters meticulously designed the same as the other; I only think it natural that we regarded such informality with nothing but strange blends of disgust and apathy. Of course when I was speaking with Mandy's other friends, I skimmed her memories of cars unseeingly, spouted out information when it was needed and remained bored out of my mind.

That is, if I wasn't completely annoyed with how assuming and with how trivial human desire truly was, when they had so much more to be grateful for than mere paint on pieces of steel. It annoyed Mandy too, how presumptuous her species was, but it wasn't something she could stop alone so thus she didn't try. And as could be expected, neither did I.

The very sterile scent of tiles and the food court swallowed us hungrily as the doors lazily yawned open. The place wasn't too terribly busy at this hour, but like other places, I had learned not to be so easily deceived. When places appeared empty, simply give them time. According to Mandy's memories, the time wasn't quite right for the mall's weekend climax of business, but I only had until the afternoon when the usual boredom settled in and I would be lucky enough not to lose my own head to the swimming crowds circling the floors.

I slung Mandy's pocketbook and backpack into an empty chair by the nearest pizza place. The cloudy musk of food whirled like single tendrils of warm scent, all practically pulling my attention in various directions. Not to mention the furious protests of my host's baited stomach when I had decided with precision to keep myself firmly waiting in place. (Although I won't exactly deny that the chance to eat pizza being suppressed didn't send both of us into sour uproar.)

But after a brooding eternity, Mariah came staggering to my table to meet me with folded arms and a tired smile. "Oh wow, so you weren't lying after all!" she greeted me warmly.

"Not this time since I just figured, what the hell, there's pizza." I shrugged coolly, evoking an appreciative smirk from Mariah as she offered an "after you" gesture with a bent arm jangling with chain and silver bell bracelets. I mounted my feet, and moments later we held frost beaded cups brimmed with sustenance called 'fruit smoothies'. Bits of milky pale pineapple drifted afloat in mine, while mulched raspberries and strawberries were lost stirring in Mariah's.

If it wasn't one creative human dish seducing my interest, it can gladly be said that it was another; a belief in variety apparently was not a common ground beyond understanding by human and Yeerk alike.

As Mariah droned on about the tiring anguish of practice that morning however, my mind swam the current of other pursuits. I suppose my own Yeerk instincts had improved greatly in muffling the hypnosis of the human body. No longer did I lose myself carelessly in my newfound humanity, not with my missions clear and to the forefront of my mind. My thoughts felt very alert and awake. Mandy was in my stead, listening to Mariah prattle so long as the ears were open. Though she was curious as to why I was so occupied, she perfectly well why by now.

((What're you so upset about?)) she muttered darkly. ((Ususually you're going nuts about the taste by now.)) She didn't honestly care just what disturbed me, not so much as she wished to break the silence. Anything to clatter away the solitude she felt in being right next to one of her best friends and yet unable to reach her.

((There are more important priorities than taste right now, believe it or not.)) I replied thinly. ((The matters I have to attend to at the moment are far too important to consider something so trivial as-))

"Mand? Hey, Mand?" A sharp tug of my arm briefly interrupted our conversation and with a turned head I plastered on the best smile that might have shamed every human actor on this planet to mask an annoyed grimace. Mariah didn't seem to mind nor think anything of it, in fact she was smirking, infectiously coy. "Come on."

"Where're we going?" I asked, raising a slender, tawny eyebrow. But of course my questions need not be asked when my eyes drifted to the neon lavender glowing sign of the arcade. Already I could feel a weary disinterest welling inside of me for the place, if not for its gaudy attractions than for its equally disheartening audiences swarming glowing screens or running freely about from game to game screaming, depending on the age demographic.

"I need to blow off a little steam." Mariah shrugged, apparently reading into my hesitance. "And it's either this or real people, and personally I'm not ready to go to jail just yet."

"Aw, come on..." I tried pitifully and half jokingly, managing only to pull my elbow free of her hand and straightening my blouse with the other hand. "Jail makes you cool, Mariah."

"I know it does, but arcades are cheaper." Mariah retorted just as smartly, with an equally smart shrug and an even smarter and coy smile to match. "But you don't have to play or anything if you don't want to. They've got internet connections and stuff in the cafe just on the other side now, if you want."

Internet connections. My mind nearly professed a surge so great the deduction threatened to come tumbling from my mouth before I could stop myself, as the meeting in Myers' office slammed into me.

_Well, there's no information regarding these screen names. But the technological signature of their latest activity reads from the cyber café on the __west side of town. Probably a few miles past the Citizens Center. The shopping mall…_

"Sure, I need to get some work done for school anyway." I said, almost a little too hurriedly as Mariah's own eyebrow arched sharply before I could amend the action with a grin. "Go blast open a few heads for me."

"Fine, fine," Mariah playfully rolled her eyes, her arm slithering a way in the crook of my arm and leading me toward the arcade with a heavy sigh. "Guess I'll have to go in there and pick up your slack."

I puckered my bottom lip, and nearly threatened to laugh as we were engulfed by polyphonic whirs and beeps and the shouting and raves of smaller children. "I know, I'm sorry, but some days you just don't feel like blasting someone's head off, y'know?"

"I'm always up for that, I dunno about you." she said in a voice so honest it very nearly surprised me. My host had chosen very strange company before she had come to know me, I asserted that much for sure, but the barbaric practices of human entertainment had desensitized me to the fact that it was all, well, entertainment. The last species we had come across that found dark enchantment in destruction and explosion well used their media to construct the most painful ways for us to die in their minds, when we took them.

"Yeah, yeah," was what came out, rather than my questions regarding the human practice. "I'll be over there if they're too much for you."

"Don't count on it."

"Counting down, more like."

"Blow it out your ass, Mand."

While I hadn't the time to pander to my mild interest in these filthy and suggestive human expressions, I did however have all the time my mortality could muster to find signs of the RUBICON. Of course, their technological signature had indicated their presence here a little over two weeks ago, still, I had only earnest hope remaining.

I had hope that perhaps they should be confident enough to return here, though it remained in slivers at best. No one had heard anything of them in the past two weeks, and taken to extremes in definition no one had any hope of finding a trace of them given cold leads. As I gaited up the carpeted arcade stairs and into the cool white tile of the cafe, I suppose there was one way to find out.

The cafe was an astounding clash against the darker, nearly cutthroat competitive atmosphere of the neighboring game room. A thin plaster wall sporting large glass windows in beige panes separated the two, and as I flung open the glass door and stepped inside I thought I had stepped through a portal rather than a threshold. The clatter and merriment of midi-based themes and comical graphics were left behind for a soft, jazzy ambience of saxophone music and the heavy smell of coffee.

I noticed many parents sat themselves at circular wooden tables by the large windows, taking glances between their coffee and their children on the other side of the glass with expressions that calmly screamed that they please be shot when the coffee was drained.

But the booths sporting the laptop and desktop computers were what interested me at this point. Perhaps I would not find the RUBICON here, but if perhaps I could render the history on a computer one of them used, I may be able to unveil something, anything, perhaps even something left behind that one of their careless numbers hadn't meant to leave behind.

The fantasies of uncovering their little covet danced mirthfully in my mind as I paid upfront at the register for one of the booths. So I would die, would I? I nearly asked aloud as I ventured toward one of the computers. So you know what I am, do you? So you will hunt me, find me, kill me, will you? I should enjoy shouting these words back at every single one of them when I oversaw each one of their infestations personally...

((Geeze, don't let them get to you so easily.)) Mandy spoke for the first time in a while. Truth be known, she had actually become silent and nearly depressed as we watched Mariah go on into the arcade without us; the only human company she had, if even from a distance, having gone and left her with me. I nearly scoffed; you humans do well with pitying others should their situations prove extreme to a point, but pitying yourselves seems the best sharpened practice of your kind.

I kept these snide observations aside however. ((I do not let them get to me so easily, as you put it.)) I replied. ((I am simply not a patient Yeerk, and I have tolerated being threatened without action long enough.))

((What are you going to do?)) she asked, as the computer booted up where we sat, although instead of accessing the computer's interface directly I began to root through the black screen, the command sources.

((It's quite simple, really.)) I said graciously. ((We're going to search this computer's history. Every single bit of it. And we're going to find out just how much our friends in the RUBICON have left behind without meaning to.))

((It's a public computer,)) she pointed out. ((you're not gonna find that much, if anything at all...))

I nearly laughed inside her mind, although she detected my dry amusement well enough to remain quiet. ((You would be surprised how ill founded illusions of safety are while you're on your computers, human.)) I said.

((You think that your location, what technology you use, what walls and locks you have on your machines conceal your identities completely and keep you safe. If only you humans knew just how wrong you were, how easily picked apart your technology is, and in turn just how easily picked apart is the privacy your technology lends you. Whether it is on a public machine or not, the fact remains logins, passwords, all of it, they still remain within the memory of that machine, it's all still there somewhere, it's just a matter of finding what you are looking for.))

Had she any control over her eyes in that given moment, she might have widened them as I continued on into the advanced command settings on the console in front of me; my fingers danced effortlessly over the keys.

((...So I guess minds aren't the only things you Yeerks are good at invading.))

I chuckled. ((Right you are.))

The machine was taking long enough, that was for certain. Of course, the matter of any other Controller having already attempted this and having found nothing crossed my mind, but if they had, I heard no news of such attempts.

And of course, checking over the data and processes twice or thrice over could only benefit our mission in finding the RUBICON, better than just one single search. And be it a brush of intuition, be it an instinct I earnestly felt that something great lied in this attempt on my part. Some fruitful bounty; a name, a number, anything lied just beyond a few clicks and clacks of keys and a number of approvals.

But I might have known that this was only a short lived glory.

"Hey!" A voice said from behind me, starting me cold where I sat and ceasing my efforts immediately. "What do you think you're doing?!"

* * *

SPOILER: the gai behind timmron iz a gai. wiff a knife. D: it iz timmrons long lost brudder come back foar revenge.

LMFAO sorry, okay, okay. Anyway, I promise to try and be a LITTLE bit faster with these updates. 8D; Like I said, if people are still interested in this story, I will continue to update. But look, I wrote a bit of a long chapter to help ease the pain.

Again, reviews are completely optional. If you have suggestions, criticisms, or anything of the like for this story, don't be shy to use that review button to your complete advantage! (Although truth be known, after this kind of neglect I'll be surprised if anyone's still reading, but I suppose that's my own fault. 9.9;) Anyway, hope this chapter made a nice holiday gift to you readers out there!!

-Zri K.


	11. Bargains

Author Notes of Special: Well, it seems that negligence has happened again on my part, but I will say there are a few reasons this time at least. One, it's been a very eventful year for me. A lot of personal clashes in my family, one involving the death of a family member and some religious spats involving burial rites but uh... Well, that stuff's not for here, amirite? :3 And two, I swear I had a long, awesome chapter written up. Three weeks worth of writing, because this chapter was originally going to be a long one, but of course a screw-up from my computer made THAT too good to last as it was permanently lost.

BUT!! Some good does come of this oh yes it does!! :3 One, I wised up and I keep this story on a flashdrive now, so the whole losing-the-chapter-and-being-too-angry-about-losing-my-chapter-to-rewrite-it-right-away thing is never going to happen again. Two, I haven't just been sitting out on writing this whole time. I've actually been involved with a whole number of other projects, (heh, including what may be the beginning of another Controller fic, perhaps even the sequel to THIS story if things go my way! :D) and I honestly think that my writing has improved a lot since expanding my horizons and trying all sorts of things I hadn't been trying before. And that's going to make this story a lot more enjoyable, I think.

In any case I definitely apologize for the long absence, and hope that this chapter as well as what I have in store in the future will make up for it! I thank you all for your patience, and especially all you folks who put this story on your alert list and favorites!! And thanks for all the constructive criticism too, I would have never gotten better if it weren't for you guys taking time out of your day to read over this and give me some advice!! :3 Seriously guys, you're awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs. But I sure do own this five dollar bill on my desk. I would love to own Animorphs so that there would be more than five dollars on my desk, but that's not the case, hahaha-...ohhh... I made myself sad.

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Chapter 11: Bargains

"What do you think you're doing?!"

I immediately spun at the voice behind us. My obligations to the machine were forgotten, the foreboding urgency of my mission collapsed, and my composure was broken. For a second, for both the host mind and myself the entire blur of hacked screens and command alternatives became jumbled, leaving nothing but a panicked confusion in its wake.

I had little to no true idea as to how to articulate myself from the body, otherwise I may have calmed easier. It was an inconvenience I was willing to permit for the sake of possession, but still it was something I tried to ignore, with well spun lies and excuses as for what I was doing and why I was doing this. The lies and excuses flung as chaotically as noise between explanations. Standing there with his arms folded and his mouth upturned mischievously stood quite the familiar face behind us when I turned around.

((Logan!!))

Or perhaps it seemed, but if memory served me right from reviewing the files of my investigation in the past week or so, Ressaer 213 inhabiting Logan's body would have been more accurate.

I met his curiously tilted head with an unsettled chuckle, the machine behind me forgotten as I turned to meet his raised eyebrow.

"Mandy?" he asked with an eerie merriment, as if we had known each other our whole lives. "Mandy, is that you?"

I held up my hands, half shrugging. "Guilty as charged." Was all I could manage as he came shuffling forward, curl of a smile turning into a large grin as he awkwardly slung an arm around our shoulders. Even Mandy seemed uncomfortable, especially as she recalled what he actually was and who was actually touching us. Ignoring the pang of protest I felt in her more coherent thoughts, I shook my own head, laughing slightly despite my slight agreement. We never did take too fondly of sharing contact between host bodies, even for the sake of the human façade.

"Logan, man, you scared the hell out of me!"

Logan laughed. "Kinda the idea," he said. "I saw you in here and just thought I'd sneak up and say hi."

"Mission accomplished," I said, still laughing uneasily. "Damn…"

((Tell your buddy to get his arm off me.)) Mandy hissed. ((Now.))

Again ignoring the discomfort of my host, I stumbled up from my chair and Logan was quick to shut down the machine, having made himself comfortable in my booth for only a second to do so. Not that I could object, no matter how much I felt the urgency. A damnable thing between us as Yeerks was the balance between superiors and mere lackeys. In this instance, I had no conceivable right to question Ressaer 213's actions, even if it meant daunting my investigation.

Although given the subtle communication that the human farce granted us Yeerks between one another, I might still be able to get my message across.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked, though I think Ressaer could read the true question there in my eyes; why was he interrupting my work? Whether he could or not, he knew I was far from interested in why he was here. We both knew what we were after.

"Hey, uh…" He ran a hand through tousled blonde hair boyishly, fumbling, turning on me with a crooked smile that neither of us particularly liked if only because Mandy knew it wasn't Logan's. "Well, I was just kinda surprised not to see you at the Sharing meeting, y'know?" The admonishment could be seen looming dangerously off the horizon in how wide his grin was. I knew what he truly meant beneath all the human informality, and I suddenly knew why he was interrupting my work. "But hey, I ran into a friend so no big deal. Wanna get something to drink? My treat."

Despite the kindness any by-passer may have heard in the pleasantry of his advances, I knew it wasn't a choice.

"Sure, why not."

And there we left; his arm on my shoulders, a mere human courtship ritual to any who were curious. None of them were an ounce aware of practically the hostage situation stirring underneath. My uneasiness could be felt and perceived easily enough by the host mind, even if her feelings were no less uncomfortable than mine. She could still feel how unsettled I was, eyeing the table ahead in the food court as fearfully as... how you would say… A deer in headlights, I believe the saying goes.

((What happened? Did you mess up?))

((Shut up, slave.))

Ressaer pulled out a couple of chairs, scraping them on the marble tile, and slung himself lazily into one before opting me to take my place on the other across from him. "Go 'head, sit down." He said with what I could perceive now to be an ironic smile. "Not gonna kill you. Yet."

Something within me had trouble deciding whether the sentiment was sarcastic or not. I hadn't heard many good things regarding Ressaer 213. That reputation had especially stemmed from his infamous reports of incompetence he had observed of subordinate Yeerks to the higher ups. In summation, Ressaer 213 was simply not a Yeerk one wanted in their audience if they happened to stumble where it counted.

"Timmron 348, if I'm not mistaken." He said in a low voice as I sat down. Hardly anyone had crowded the food court. Not yet. The only potential eavesdroppers were a giggling pack of high school girls clear across the court from us, busily chattering over pizza slices and sodas. Certainly they had no available time in their schedules to overhear infestation plans conjured by two Yeerks a few yards away from them. (Unless of course they were already Controllers themselves; the aspect sent another uncomfortable shudder through Mandy.)

"Correct, sir."

"And yet I find you here, rather than at the Sharing meeting." Logan's smile was kept firmly in place for the sake of pretenses. Anyone walking by would have never guessed the dangerously thin tone he was taking with me, especially given that I was playing into the ruse and smiling back. "Why is that, Timmron 348?"

I could have very well deflected the question back, had it not been for status.

Rather than risking my status in the investigation just because I had decided to be facetious, I composed my answer slowly, attempting to deliberate it in a way he would accept. I could feel Mandy remembering how I had told her our fates were too closely linked for her to wish for my failure, her mind too began racing for excuses. The truth was hardly a faulty explanation, but as I've mentioned, Ressaer 213 has no good word put in for his understanding when other Yeerks don't meet his expectations.

"Just doing some backtracking for our investigation," I finally said. "Jinnniss 127, as I'm sure you're aware sir, picked up where RUBICON's latest activities here and-"

"Don't tell me what I already know." Ressaer asserted, leaning back in his chair with a complacent distance and holding his hand up to silence me. "What I wish to know is why you're negligent of our primary duties regarding The Sharing."

"Sir, with all due respect-"

"Don't disagree with me, Timmron 348, listen to me remind you of what your duties are when our investigations have turned up nothing of RUBICON." Logan's eyes glinted despite the amicable smile he wore afterward, to cover his hostility. "You know as well as I do that we've already investigated that trace and we turned up nothing. The trail is cold, 348. So until we turn up anything new, we return to our normal duties of recruiting and infestation." His fingers had begun drumming impatiently along the edge of the table. "Don't forget that we are operating in secrecy. If the higher ups begin questioning the whereabouts of Yeerks on this case, we'll be finished once it reaches Visser Three."

"I'm well aware." I replied almost coldly, my voice and certainty staggering him a moment. "But I merely thought that my absence would barely be noticeable, and took the opportunity to scour out our last lead. Sir, with all my respect, I am only suggesting that a thorough search of what we have can only assist us."

"And we have already searched the lead."

"And you found absolutely nothing?" Perhaps I shouldn't have sounded so disbelieving, and especially to a superior. But as my mistake registered within a few seconds of having asked, the glacial hostility that had overtaken Logan's face began to resolve into a glimmering amusement. Certainly it was nothing adverse to a by-passer or an outside perspective of the conversation, but neither of us particularly liked the sudden shift of demeanor. His expression might have very well been more threatening than his quiet and icy voice before in his admonishment.

"Timmron 348, your… solemn approach is appreciated in this instance, make no mistake." Ressaer said. He began leaning back in his chair again, his elbow hanging over the fanned rails of the back, a typical teenage boy posture as he fanned his legs out to the side. It was such a polar opposite of our business that it was almost laughable. It would have been, had it not been for the occasion and who I was dealing with. "But really, have you no faith in the rest of us? Do you doubt your superiors? You are not the only one in danger, here."

"I meant no disrespect. I meant only for the good of my fellow soldiers, the Empire's cover, for your own good, sir." I took a moment of self-loathing before attempting to contrive anything else.

The smile hadn't faded. "I am aware." He was aware of his control on the situation now that I had given him a hint of my suspicion. Those brown eyes of his were steady and gleaming, vindicating of his reasons, wanting something more. Mandy felt completely stricken by how different they were from how she remembered.

For a moment there was nothing that could be said, or at least nothing I could do to atone for my mistake. He seemed perfectly aware of where this conversation had left me and for that moment I could go neither way. Clarification looked too much like indignation. Aversion looked too much like something was left to be uncovered, possibly by an interrogation by a number of higher ups followed shortly by a demotion out of the investigation. As a Yeerk knowing too much and excluded from the mission we had, death would follow too shortly afterward.

"Timmron 348," Ressaer's fingers had begun drumming again.

"Sir…?"

"You never answered my questions." He turned on me with a perfectly human smile, if even something desolately cold could be seen in the eyes for the creature behind them. The group of girls had long since finished their meal and left, passing our table by deliberately, giggling at us two on the date as Logan smiled for Mandy. I could feel something cold snap deep inside of Mandy's mind. If ever there was an ill fate for us Yeerks beyond death, I would have gambled this as a preview. "Do you have doubts to the superiors assigned this investigation?"

"Not at all, sir." I shook my head as I answered, as if for emphasis. "I only meant that the superiors investigating these leads could turn over all the information they could through their thorough investigation of this area."

"You know as much as we do."

"….I see."

Clearly this wasn't going anywhere. Ressaer's amusement had strangely failed to succumb to anything else. His mouth had folded, become grim, and he had begun leaning forward again to give me word in a hushed whisper, but something in his eyes definitely concealed something he wasn't telling me. They were calculating. Boring straight through the façade presented by my host directly into the mind beneath it, focusing on thoughts that could be lingering in my own gaze. Suddenly the human disguise had been rendered useless.

"Before you rouse anymore suspicion our way Timmron 348, I expect to see you at meetings from now on." Ressaer 213 continued, never blinking or breaking focus. "You will tend to your primary duties until we are otherwise noted of other leads. For now, there is nothing out there for us. One of our goals may be to track them down, but the other is to keep this operation secret. Don't you dare forget who's running the show."

I bit down my retort, that it was Sub Visser 23, not him, to save it for another time. For now such insolence would be playing unknowingly with Dracon beams. And if what I had interpreted of his questioning had been what I thought it was, then I was already on bad terms with a superior in an operation that could mean the end of me if I should be deemed incompetent. It was something no Yeerk could afford.

"Understood, sir."

Suddenly, Logan's bright and boyish mannerisms returned as he began stretching theatrically, lazily slumping over his chair with his legs fanning out under the table. "Well, it's been great talkin' to you Mand, but I gotta get going. It's my mom's birthday, and I got about two hours to get her somethin' nice."

Back to the human ruse, and I was dismissed.

"Sure," I shrugged as I climbed out of my chair, throwing the strap of my purse over my shoulder. "just be careful through the traffic home, okay? It can get kinda bad at this end of town."

"Not as bad as my mom if I don't get her a present again."

"See ya 'round Logan."

"See ya."

As we began walking away, back toward the arcade before Mariah could miss us, I tried my hardest to stifle what my deep mind was screaming with futile efforts to show for it. The darker wheels to my train of thought had been set to turning by the meeting, Ressaer's questioning, his eyes, the expressions that were all too far knowing to be coincidental. It wasn't necessarily a contradiction to Yeerk nature to suspect the intentions of another, whether slug or bipedal, sentient societies grew mistrustful of one another as they evolved and we Yeerks were no different in the aspect. Especially if it meant power, prestige, a military-bent society legalized one soldier putting an end to another.

And for a moment it made me wonder what Ressaer 213 had truly wanted, and my suspicions hardly wanted to believe that it was just to remind me to get back to work.

((That guy was so full of shit.)) Apparently my host had drawn the same conclusions I had. ((Yeah, didn't dig up anything, right. And I'm the queen of Siam.))

((Just why are you involving yourself anyway? Nothing we do has interested you thus far.)) I snapped irately.

I already knew the reasons why. Logan had been what involved her, the host body trapped and detained beneath Ressaer's control. Remembering what he was had rendered her alone again, knowing that human company was a far distance away, a distance almost worlds wide. Given that knowledge she had faded into a background behind me, a commotion of thoughts and confusion ignored as easily as the music playing in this mall. She was involved for him. Him and nothing else.

Given that and the bad mood that Ressaer's interference had left me in, I could hardly resist a few sadistic barbs. ((Does this Logan interest you, human?)) I sneered, only urged on by the rising indignation that made her louder, angrier, fiercer than an ambience as she was when I was ignoring her until she could be ignored no longer. ((Do the little hosts embrace each other in brotherhood now? Or is it something more? Is there something more to this valiant and gallant boy that you see from behind your iron bars?))

((That's none of your business!!))

((Isn't it?)) I replied with a menacing nonchalance. ((You are my host, after all. My body. My slave. I feel it is my responsibility to keep watch on your feelings.))

((You don't know anything.))

((Ah, an argument we've been over is all your defense has to offer,)) I said with a mustered smoothness. ((I'm certainly convinced, human. Your feelings for Logan could certainly never rival what you feel for Jim. Would you like me to take care of the arrangement? Call Jim, tell him it's over? That you've come to chasing after a broken slave?))

The horror of losing Jim for something she wasn't even sure of, for some uncertainty that could have been something else, the very possibility made her sick.

((_**You don't know anything!!**_))

((I know everything.))

She could feel the true meaning of my assumptions in my emotions. In all fairness, I had no true answer from her mind, since she hadn't even come to an answer herself. She had spent plenty of cycles with Logan in the cages, talking and coaxing him back to feeling human again after so many weeks under Yeerk control. She ended each of those nights screaming and crying as he was taken from the cages back to the infestation pier, and given those moments as they unraveled too swiftly for thought, there was no deeper meaning to what she felt.

Once she was alone and once she was free to wander her own mind after I took control however, was when complications rose. In return for her company and her hand on his shoulder, Logan had told her many foolish things in the cages. He had told her to be brave, to let adversity help her to grow strong, to look upon our control over them as an experience. He had told her to look upon this whole thing as an experience and nothing more, as transient as anything else in mortality that would all be over given time. Time healed all wounds.

It was all just a nightmare.

He had even summoned the gumption to tell her that it was all something that they would hope to forget years from now, when they had families and stories to tell of the alien invasion one dark century back. A story they would tell their children with free-moving mouths, eyes dark with the memories as they recounted their time enslaved to the Yeerk Empire before they were freed. They were freed, by the gallant and courageous Andalites who came haloed in lights to their valiant rescue. The little fantasy was complete with the day ending in a brilliant sunset, made all the richer by being able to see it with their own eyes.

As I have said, they were foolish things, whims she would regret when years from now she was under the control of a new master as I was promoted out of her body.

That and I hardly understood her predicament anyway. I was not a suitable Yeerk for a tripartite relationship, and given that I valued my life to serve my Empire for the present, I would not be suitable any time soon. It seemed that relationships between others were vast and far in their differences, when comparing us Yeerks and you humans, especially the sole purpose of said relations. Where we seek the perseverance of our species, the propulsion of our numbers, you humans seek warmth and comfort in the arms of one another. Where it ends in death for us, in humans it ends in bliss.

It's certainly a fascinating and almost enviable thing, this naïve pursuit of happiness without thoughts for numbers. Even better I assume to watch and sire your own young, rather than hope for the best in the future as your body decays. I wondered, for a second, what it might be like to actually be able to watch my own young prosper and what satisfaction, what wonders should come of it…

But I won't speak of such things sentimentally.

The point was that she wasn't sure what to feel for Logan, and in that same instance my usual conversations with my host body had lost my interest. Her worries in my mind had distilled for my suspicions again.

The long silence as we sat outside the arcade was broken again as my meeting with Ressaer 213 began replaying inside my mind for what I counted to be the eighth time. Mandy had been far too busy reeling in her own sickness, her own fears that my offer to end things with Jim for her had been more than a taunt. The thought of losing anything else normal in her life was too much to stand, since a tormentor and captor had become her only company when she was above ground and able to see him.

Another tactic, a diversion was in order.

((You assume the same things that I do.)) I said sternly, as I searched her mind for her feelings on Ressaer's warning. It seemed that her reasoning was not much different from mine. She wasn't quite as informed as I was as to why Ressaer might be so inclined to intentionally report insubordination on my part but it was enough. ((You don't think Ressaer 213 is all that he seems.))

((Why do you even care what I think anyway?)) she seethed blackly. ((It's your investigation. Thanks for reminding me.))

((Ah, but you see? There are things one always fails to predict. And Ressaer 213's questionable alignment in this investigation was something unforeseen on my part.))

She could already sense that I intended to include her in my plans, whatever they entailed. The intuitive clues were completely intentional. ((What does this have to do with me?))

((I am willing to strike a deal, if you are willing to cooperate.)) I said, walling my emotions from her now with all meaning to conceal them. She hardly needed to know the disgust I could feel within myself that it should come to this, but I am hardly where I am in the Empire for swollen pride and stupidity. If my host was the best hope I had for a sentry in regards to the other Yeerks on this investigation, then so be it. I would allow it to come to that if the uppity superiors could not be trusted. ((I will try my best to make it worth your while to extract information from Logan, Ressaer's host.))

((…You want me to do _**WHAT?!**_))

((When you and Logan are in the holding areas-))

((Cages.)) She cut in darkly. Another burst of anger, edged with questions she dare not relay to me in actual thoughts, nevermind that I could read them just fine. If I was lying, if I was deceiving her, if I had other plans, they were things she wouldn't ask for the sake of keeping my new interest whetted. ((Seriously, why bother prettying this up with words? What do you really want from me?))

((Information.)) I replied, articulate with aggravation.

((From Logan? What's he gonna know that we don't already?))

I sighed, and attempted to explain the matter as patiently as I could. I still had to remember that humans were ignorant, and this was a due reminder of how not much else could convince me otherwise. ((As you are aware, there are some things that we Yeerks cannot conceal from our hosts. At least not completely; our extreme emotions, what we relay in bouts of these emotions, as I have said it would be quite the bound to call us perfect. One mind does not connect and control another without revealing itself in some fractions.))

((I get it.)) Mandy said, with what could be accounted for as the mental equivalent of a nod. ((You think Ressaer's probably given Logan a few things here and there that can be pieced together as to what he's really after. What he really wants with you.))

((Hardly just me, Ressaer 213 is a Yeerk who enjoys the plight of his subordinates.)) I said bitterly. ((And that's not so much the case I'm after as much as what was really discovered here.))

((So in other words you thought he was full of shit when he said that they turned nothing up here when they investigated.))

I paused for a moment, taking said time to remember just what that expression meant. It meant to be deceitful, apparently. You humans have very strange applications for…..your obscenities, given their literal definition. ((Correct.))

Mandy's looming questions came on the rise in her mood. They were beginning to blur together now, their seams intermingling, placing them beyond coherency she would need to word them. I could still feel her skepticism indefinitely, not that I could blame her. To be anything else would illuminate ignorance of her character. A long moment of silence passed between us, the mural of questions and her own mind whirring with options being all that I knew. I was about to intervene for an answer when she broke the silence on her own.

((Okay,)) she finally said cynically. ((now if I agree to do this for you, what are you going to do for me exactly?))

((It depends on what you desire at the moment. If it is within reason, I will do my best to insure its happening.))

((How about letting me have control?))

To her surprise, I chuckled well naturedly. ((Try again.))

The disappointment in my rejection was short-lived at best. She had actually asked without restraint, in a sense it had been something she had asked without thinking even though she had already known the answer. She was surprised I hadn't been crueler in my rejection, but at the moment my good humor was being restored by her will to cooperate. The fact that this was working out better than I had imagined was far too good to ruin with my usual delight in her outbursts. Her mind continued to strive for other options, remembering what I had said, within reason, within reason…

((My family.))

((Ah,)) I drew the conclusion from her mind. ((You wish for me to relent in targeting your family. You wish for me to leave them alone.))

((That's right.)) she said, a slight and until now forgotten pang of misery hanging in her words. ((I want my family left alone. I would do anything for them, even if… …even if I have to use a friend.)) I could feel the depression of isolation come washing over her at the thought, the very notion of using Logan for her own means. It was a selfish thing, and she knew it, to be comforting Logan with purposes other than the good and resolves of her own humanity. But her father, her infant sister inside her mother, her family…

Again, I was outcast from her predicament. Yeerk society permitted the moral utility of one another for personal gain, ever since Akdor and the others had instilled the new ranks; it wasn't uncommon for one Yeerk to use another for their the means of their own ascent.

But the full perspective of such contrasts was hardly my goal at the moment.

((You are aware that I cannot keep that promise forever.)) I said with all honesty. ((When my people enslave your race, it is foolish to think your family will have immunity. I can't keep that promise in the face of my superiors, especially the likes of Visser Three. When he wants your family infested, his wish will be granted far over mine.))

((I know.)) she said bleakly, understanding that given the circumstances I spoke of, there was an element of truth.

She hardly believed that we would win over her people, but she understood that it would be a long while before my people were warded off. She understood that her family would be left in cages and screaming long before that longed for rescue would come streaking across the sky like meteors. She understood that. And given the chance that my superiors wanted her entire family taken, nothing I said would change the minds of the guards under direct orders from Visser Three.

((I understand.))

((So it is a deal, then?))

Her pain for what could happen, for what it would cost gave way to the momentary sleep she could have knowing her family was safe. If even for a while, her family was safe so long as I relented in targeting them. She convinced herself of it all as she thought it and knew she would look back on it with regret, just like a lot of things in her life now that she was under my control.

But the past was where it was. What would happen would happen. And that was enough to stave off the pain she felt, for Logan, for her family, for the people down there in the cages that she would have to think about later. For now there was only a deal. Yes or no.

((…..Deal.)) she said. ((I'll see what I can find out. Just leave them alone.))

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"We Will Become Silhouettes" by the Postal Service has been stuck in my head for the past two hours now. SOMEONE HELP ME!! ...Oh, and thanks for taking the time to read, btw. :3 Reviews aren't required for the story to continue, but they are nice and very deeply appreciated!!


	12. Give and Take

Well, hello again! Sorry again about disappearing. But some involvement with other projects, a loss of my Internet and some other stuff later, and uh... Yeah. ._. But it's okay, because writing has consumed my brain again, so hopefully updates will be a little less HORRENDOUSLY SLOW AND HORRIBLE.

Disclaimer: oh god i am listening to decode why am i listening to decode i am trapped in decode oh god somebody please save me

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Chapter 12: Give and Take.

_It had been roughly two days since I had struck a deal with the Yeerk. _

_A promise I had no idea if it planned on keeping, but for now… …much as I hate to admit it, my desperation outweighed what I imagined. I couldn't afford to withdraw what I could offer. Even though it was depending on me, the Yeerk was still the one in control because of what it could offer. I almost had no choice; I couldn't just turn the chance down, even if it was only a delay for my family. Seconds of freedom had become luxuries beyond any tangible budget to me. _

_Hell, even millionaires were caged and re-infested like the butcher and the baker, if the Sharing ever got a hold of them. Money meant nothing to beings more interested in being able to see and move than rolling pennies. I've watched people with deeper wallets scream bribes from the cages. Never works._

_Third day. _

_Everyone knew what the third day meant, I definitely knew. _

_Not much else was said about our deal since striking it, afterward it had been the strict, business master-to-vessel terms that our relationship was forged on. It went right back to using me, and knowing the outcome I didn't bother to fight anymore. I could fight when I needed to. I didn't know how much good it would be, but the times I needed to fight would be times I couldn't afford to have wasted the energy. _

_Didn't mean I wasn't tempted. _

_I hated the Yeerk with every ounce of will in me for everything having to come to this, where I played an eavesdropper for him just to keep my family safe. A promise that wasn't even permanent, a promise that was just postponing the inevitable. Yeah, I said it. The inevitable. Whatever I'd thought of my family and friends before, the Yeerk had shown me that as long as it could pull off my tone and tell the jokes and say the things I'd have said if I were there, I was a waste beneath its control. My name was all that I had left. I could still fight when I needed to, but until then I understood that I was in no place to demand my freedom or anything at all. _

_And hatred was something the Yeerk could deal with, I could feel that. Its mind had almost become like mine, it was almost like talking to myself, only the thoughts and emotions were too separate from what I was truly feeling for me to have made up by myself. The Yeerk could even understand hatred even if it didn't care. Its capabilities insured that it wouldn't become a problem._

_It already knew I hated it and what it could do, what it could manage, but it also knew that my fear for it far outweighed my hatred. I don't want to remember that it knew, but it did. It knew all too well just how afraid I actually was. I didn't want to admit to it even to myself, but where I denied it the Yeerk made good on reminding me pretty quick. _

_Third day meant another meeting, another conversation with Heather that drifted by me and meant nothing, and that half an hour after seeing her would find me on the end of the pier. _

_((Remember…)) The Yeerk said before it began its release on my brain, a sensation oddly like your feet waking up after falling asleep, only magnified into a slow going ripple starting from the back of your spine and shuddering over you. It was a feeling I'd never get used to. My legs shuddered and buckled, free of the Yeerk's control, but benumbed since I wasn't quite back in the driver's seat. ((We have a deal.))_

_((I know.))_

_The Yeerk slid out of my ear and flittered off into the water. Newly awake, my legs straightened and I began kicking. I started yanking myself forward and sideways as my arms were taken securely by the other human Controllers. _

_I knew that this opportunity was what I had both been waiting for and dreading all at once. The very same chance to see Logan, pump him for whatever I could. Use him, the same way his own inner monster used him when it was securely wrapped around his brain. This was my big chance to use, use, fucking USE one of the few people I had learned to trust in the past few weeks. _

_It was my big chance to become the very same monster I hated. It was my big chance to trade off my humanity for just one night, use what little freedom I had to become everything I wanted to murder with my bare hands. It was my chance to be selfish, all because I wanted to postpone the inevitable._

_Mitch, mom, dad, Lucy, the names became a twisted mantra inside my head as I silently reminded myself why I was doing this. How selfish could it be to use someone else to save the lives of innocent people? They meant more to me than anything, I couldn't just… Just imagining Mitch in a cage, my mom behind these iron bars, every single nightmare that had me screaming myself awake for how much the Yeerk tortured me every time it turned my eyes on my family… _

_I was trying to save lives. I was doing this to SAVE lives, and like anything else worth saving in this one life we live it didn't come without sacrifice. No matter how much it shredded me, no matter how much Logan's face haunted me, it was something I had to do to save innocent lives. I couldn't have been the only one to have made this kind of decision. I couldn't have been the only one driven to make this kind of choice, there were others here… How selfish could that have been, really? _

_Nice excuse, was all my conscience could echo back. _

_I shouldn't have resisted as I usually did when the Yeerk was out. But the horror of letting any of those bastards think they had won and broken me was well worth the agony of another lost struggle. _

_It would understand everything, the wrestling match between my focus and conscience, my struggling, how much I could already feel my chest twisting when it was back in my head. It usually understood all my reasons. It usually understood them even better than I did. _

_**And I hated it.**_

_I turned on heel, but the bars had already slammed shut behind me. I rattled them in my hands, knuckles tight on the cold metal and I screamed my outrage. My voice swirled right into the others, a choir of heartbreaking fury that fell on deaf ears. A Hork Bajir guard made rounds on our block without even slowing his stride, no eye contact, no sign that the creature underneath even heard us._

_I turned to the cage next to mine, watching a boy no more than twelve, maybe thirteen ram the cage door with his shoulder. Heh, good luck with that, kid. It reminded me of a few cycles back, when in that very same cage Logan, Christine and I had watched an older guy probably in his fifties begin ramming himself headfirst into the bars. Logan had wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He told me to keep watching, despite Christine's filthy look. _

_The older man just kept slamming his skull into the bars. He would scream, rear back and try again and all we could do was watch. The other hosts in his cage had tried to pull him back, tried to scream over him, scream and cry for him to stop, but running on empty when it came to what he had to live for he just kept right on bashing himself into the unyielding iron. Jesus Christ, I'd tried clenching my eyes shut but only hearing it was almost worse than seeing. I wanted to scream over it. Logan's hand had tightened around my wrist. _

_Logan had told me to keep right on watching, even as I turned my face into his shoulder a second when I caught a glimpse of blood. He said it was important for us to see this sort of thing, to see it and know that we wouldn't ever come to that. It was important that we promised each other it wouldn't ever come to that. Christine had hugged the both of us, and all three of us watched on helplessly while the older man kept right on trying to end his own life. _

_I could hear his teeth snapping with each collision. I could hear his screams of agony rising above the hosts in his block that had tried to grab his shoulders, shouted to him, tried frantically to talk him out of it. Wasn't any use. He was screaming and red-faced. Sobbing, apologizing for it and bleeding from his forehead with his hands tightened over the open wound. Fingers gloved scarlet ran through thinning brown hair and he charged for the bars again, head down. He wanted to end it, and he wanted to in the only way he had the power to end it. _

_He had dislocated his shoulder and cracked his collarbone before a squad of human Controllers on duty at the time had thrown open the door and overtaken him. They threw him to the ground, one young woman kicked him in the stomach just as he curled into himself, and the other two men dragged him out of the cages by his legs and left his cellmates howling out after him._

'_Jeff!!' a woman had shrieked after him. 'JEFF!!' _

_Their arms came writhing and slithering through the bars, fingers reaching for him, his hysterical sobbing calling out back to them. He kept trying to apologize as they forced him onto his feet, his hands together in front of him and pleading, his head tilted and eyes white. _

_We saw him again after that. Instead of being detained with the others, they forced him into a steel chair with manacles for his arms, legs and neck just outside the cages in isolation. He shouted. He cried. The same young woman making rounds on us at the time gagged him when she was fed up with the noise. We couldn't hear the old man or see his mouth moving, but we could see the tears, even in the dim lighting of the pool. Tears ran over the gag that silenced him, the last of his freedom taken completely. He couldn't even scream when he had a voice. Couldn't walk when he had legs._

_He had nothing but the stillness and an end he had fought so hard against._

_It was why none of us ever attempted the same when we were in the cages. The last thing I wanted was to have my freedom taken for always; the notion was something my sanity wouldn't withstand, I could admit to that much. I wouldn't be strong enough. And I knew that the old man, Jeff, wasn't strong enough either. It was why Logan had told me to watch, because of what had ended up happening. Whether that was to instill futility or warn me, it had definitely been enough. I probably wouldn't attempt that even if I wanted anyway, I'd be too chickenshit to die. Suicide was something I could never truly contemplate and nor could I wrap my head around the mentality; my will to live was too strong._

_But I understood why Jeff had done it._

_And here I was again, and here Jeff was again in his chair as always, the tears falling freely over his gag, wrists and legs manacled and bound to the chair. He was as helpless and disabled as he always had been with the Yeerk in his head._

_I turned away. There were some things that I could deal with, but watching Jeff wasn't one of them. For now my attention was focused on Logan, I only had a couple hours and I didn't know how long Logan had, he usually left at least half an hour before I did. High ranking Yeerks fed first. It wouldn't even have the time I thought I deserved to be sorry for what I was about to do. _

_The Yeerk would understand that, sure, it'd even get a great laugh out of it._

_I slumped against the bars, the junction that threatened everything I might have had in either my old life or what remained of my human life scorched the inside of my forehead. In the next cage over I could hear the freed hosts crowding into the far corner. I knew because I could hear their voices, rising up in an uneven chorus of what I recognized to be a prayer circle._

"_There'll be joy, joy, joy, up in my father's house._

_Up in my father's house, up in my father's house,_

_There'll be joy, joy, joy, up in my father's house_

_Where there's peace, sweet peace…"_

_They were uneven, unsure and daunted, both in time and pitch. I almost laughed at how ironically haunting it sounded, a choir of flat voices stumbling over one another just beneath the clamor of screaming and sobbing. I ran angled fingers through my hair, dug into my scalp. It was trivial, but the feeling of fingernails had to be better than nothing at all. The chance for even relative human normalcy was always welcome when it came in sparse flickers. _

_He was slumped against the left wall of the cage, staring dejectedly out into the pool and watching bodies come and go on the piers. Logan looked like hell, and that was putting it mildly. His blonde hair was tousled, he was a slumping bundle of limbs askew, but the gash in his leg didn't seem to faze him at all now. At least he was sitting because he wanted to. But he just… looked so roughly thrown together, lifeless and wanting nothing, as if he'd literally been thrown to the side like a rag doll._

_How the hell was I going to do this._

_Oh yeah, right, because I was a manipulative bitch looking out for her own ends. That's how._

"_Logan?"_

_He jolted as if he'd been asleep. Maybe he had been. We'd learned in the most eerie way in this life that just because you were asleep didn't mean your eyes were shut. My nightmares guaranteed that I no longer spent my nights sleeping, so it wasn't unusual for me to suddenly wake up and find myself sitting upright in Trig. _

"_Sorry." He said._

"_Logan, what's going on?" I knelt down beside him, closing our distance in the stride needed to notice how pale he looked. "What the hell's happened to you?" I reached out toward him, hesitantly, his head tipped forward as he tried to shake himself back to reality. He'd probably just missed drifting off before I snapped him out of it. _

"_Ressaer's been burning midnight oil these past three days." Logan replied tonelessly. I almost wished I hadn't asked. "No sleep outside or in. He gets pretty pissy when things don't go his way, and uh… 'If I don't rest, you don't either, slave', as I remember it."_

"_That sucks, man." I turned and slumped down next to him, my reaching hand gently falling over his arm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I…" I wasn't sure if woke would have been the right word. "Distracted you."_

"_I'm the one who scared you the other day." Logan said, his smile just as sarcastic as his voice. "You're just gettin' me back, that's all."_

"_I knew that it wasn't you."_

"_I know." He shook his head again, not without availing me a nice view of the dark circles under his red swollen eyes. "Just… I wish I could sleep man, but I can't. It's fucked."_

_My other hand found his as it coasted between us. "It's not fair." I spat, angrily. "It's not fair to you that he does that."_

"_Ressaer's not really known to be nice to his hosts, Mand." Logan muttered, eyes half lidded as his head tilted toward me. "We're like horses to them. Oxen. When one of us breaks down, the farmers just trade us in. That's how it works."_

"_Don't talk like that."_

"_It's the truth."_

"_I know, but don't talk like that." I couldn't even look at him as his hand tried to tighten around my fingers; I couldn't do anything but welcome the normalcy at just… being touched by a human being again. Just being touched. Being felt, feeling again. I hadn't been a Controller as long as Logan had, not nearly, but already just normal every day things like skin, water, heat and looking up at clouds were becoming distant marks of my old life. _

_For that single moment, my heart actually fluttered. I closed my eyes and for that solitary moment I focused on nothing but his hand, focused on the feeling of a human being and a heart beating beside me, focused on just feeling and being human. I was savoring the sensation. Preserving it; the same way I usually did in the cages for however long my body was mine again._

_((Would you like me to take care of the arrangement?)) The Yeerk's words raced through my head, so vividly that I almost panicked that I'd slept through my time in the cages. (( Call Jim, tell him it's over? That you've come to chasing after a broken slave?))_

_I pulled my hand back from Logan's. I was going to kill that fucking Yeerk the first chance I got. It could only hope that I would never get the chance. Those words hadn't stopped haunting me since those days ago, when I had remembered Jim for what felt like the first time in years. I figured the fact that Jim was gone from my mind a good thing; what I didn't remember at the moment, the Yeerk wouldn't think of. _

_But like everything else, Jim felt like such a far off part of an old life. He was part of a world where aliens didn't exist, a world where everything was as it should have been. Jim had been… Jim WAS everything to me. We'd been friends since my freshman year, he had been the only one – sophomore at the time – to stop and help me when for the life of me finding my Geography class had become an uncharted orienteering mission. He'd walked me to the steps, he'd smiled at me, we started eating lunch together and just…_

_Jim was everything to me, he was still everything to me in a deep-running sense that kept me fighting for freedom. …But in these past few weeks Logan had become more real to me, in the intense way that I needed someone, anyone, to be human with me when I couldn't remember how. There were days when I collapsed into the corner of my own head, wondering if I'd just invented Jim for the sake of my sanity, for a scrap of normality. _

_I'd always thought that Logan, alongside Christine had just provided the humanity I needed to survive and remember that I wasn't just a machine for the parasite. It was why we all stuck together; it was why we told each other our stories, why we were there for each other when one of us cried. We seemed to take turns in that aspect. We were all entitled to it._

"_So what'd you wanna talk about, Mand?" At least there was something in his smile this time. "You into pottery? Trading cards?"_

"_You always gotta be a smartass, or do you save it for when Christine's not here?"_

_He laughed, another dry rasp of a sound. "You're just that special."_

_I had no idea how to even start this conversation. For all my faults, I'd never really pegged myself as the manipulative type. In retrospect I probably should have asked the Yeerk for pointers, God knew it would have been the best expert I could ask for. "So what's your Yeerk so pissy about, anyway?" I asked. "What exactly has it been trying to do?"_

_He didn't look too suspicious, if he was at all as he rested his elbows on his bending knees and turned to lock our gazes. "Same thing yours has been trying to do. He's doing the same thing he caught your Yeerk doing the other day, in a sense."_

"_Heh." _

_I didn't understand what good it did us, calling our Yeerks by name and using 'he' and 'she' as if they had any gender at all. I've seen things like that, it's personification, it's lending these things identity beyond what they really amounted too. Sure, my Yeerk's mental voice sounded male if anything else, but calling it a He came too dangerously close to humanizing it. Humanizing it led to trying to understand it. Trying to understand it would lead to God knew what, fascination? Obsession? Maybe even a deranged sort of attachment, Stockholm's Syndrome, they called it. _

_For everything Logan had taught and showed me about how to hold on and keep fighting these past few weeks, I couldn't understand why he'd make that kind of mistake. It would be a cold day in Hell before I saw a body-stealing worm as anything beyond the selfish creature it was. I couldn't harbor illusions about its intentions, I couldn't… _

_Logan stared back at me. "What?"_

"_Nothing. But mine's just been dragging me around the mall and the school these past few days, I haven't lost any sleep over it." I tucked my hair back behind my ears. "What about you, though? What the hell's it been doing to you?"_

_He sighed, assuaging his forehead with his fingers. "…He had me looking through office records, mostly."_

"_Office records?"_

"_He's thinking that Jinnniss 127 might know something she's not telling the rest of 'em, but he's not sure. He searched and ran through her connections, tracked down and talked to just about everyone that answers to her nonstop." He slumped again and his gaze drifted wayward. "Long three days, Mand." _

_I found myself staring pensively into the cage floor, my head almost comfortably nestled against his shoulder while I tried piecing that together. Jinnniss 127, in summation happened to be one of the bridge points in the investigation in the sense that she was high up enough to keep out the uppity ranks when someone came sniffing around. Everyone in on this still seemed determined to hide this from the real Imperial circles, the ones that could scream 'OFF WITH HER HEAD!' as if we'd backtracked a few centuries in the system of due process._

_"What could Jinnniss possibly know?" I wondered out loud, before remembering that I was supposed to be asking Logan these questions. At least it would look real. "I mean, what, did she leave her Evil Plan sticky notes out on her desk or something?"_

_Logan chuckled, half-heartedly. "Ressaer wishes, since he hates her." That was probably the only thing Logan's Yeerk and I agreed on. Other than that, I hated them both enough to kill them. "But the rest of it's kind of hush-hush."_

_"So Ressaer's not letting the rest of us know what's going on." _

_"Now why would he do that, when he can do it all and score some brownie points with the sub-visser?" Logan smiled crookedly, almost as if this whole thing actually amused him and it wasn't just a broken expression he practiced for my sake. "Like I said, it's kinda hush-hush. He's probably gonna be pissed that I even mentioned that much."_

_"When's it not pissed off?" I murmured. _

_"Point taken."_

_We both sat in the comfort of one another in an awkward silence. Could have been a stalemate, I guess, since that much should have been enough for the Yeerk, right? That should have been enough to pay for the safety of mom, dad, Lucy and Mitch, right? It never told me just how much information to get, what exact details it wanted to know, it never told me what to ask or how to even go about all of this. It had just slipped out the ol' ear and wished me the best of luck. _

_"Mand?" He asked._

_"Yeah?"_

_"When do you think they're gonna put TVs in the cages?" He grinned crookedly as I punched him in the shoulder. "Seriously, who do you gotta kill to watch Conan O'Brien?"_

_"Shut up…" I shook my head in true disbelief, laughing for what felt like the first time in months, years, decades even. Being confined to your own thoughts made time feel that slow. "Seriously, just… shut up…" _

_It was a long shot, but maybe someone would drop electrodes into the pool. _

_Logan's cheek fell on top of my hair, his breathing began to deepen and even out. I knew he was asleep, but how he could manage that in a place like this I'd never know. I had to give him props; it must have taken talent and true turmoil to doze off in Hell._

_I couldn't pretend that the Yeerk's words weren't shredding through me the entire time Logan's head rested atop of mine, the entire time Logan's fingers wandered between mine. I couldn't pretend that Jim's horrified face wasn't flickering beneath my eyelids every time I blinked, his voice wasn't drifting through my head, I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. Every voice I tried to remember down here only sounded like the Yeerk's. I couldn't collect myself in a place where I was only me for up to two hours._

_Turning away from him, denying him the chance to be human felt like too much even given what I'd just done. This was the least I could do for him, I told my now screaming conscience. This is the least I can do for him, it doesn't mean anything. Logan's helped me a lot, yeah, he was there for me, he even made me laugh, but I only owe him this. _

_I just owe him this, it's the least I can do so that's why I'm doing it._

_Bullshit, my conscience countered, in unison with the burning in my veins and the back of my skull._

_I woke Logan a minute or so after a guard patrolling the outside had pointed him out. The last thing I wanted was for him to have to be yanked from normalcy the same way he had been the first time._

Alongside her usual screaming and wrenching, I would say I had gotten quite a bit out of my host's memory when she had been returned to me. Still, her tangled emotions of spindled guilt and hatred, a determination for futile detachment, her clouded judgment and inward screaming made useful information hard to decipher.

((That was all you could truly obtain?)) I felt a flicker of horrific comprehension fly through her. ((You had two hours to gather what you could, and for the safety of your family this is what you have to offer? For someone who claims to care so deeply, this is hardly much of an effort.))

((Please…!!)) She was proverbially on her knees, or would have been, had she the control to manage begging at my feet. For as long as I had infested Mandy's brain it was unlike her, but it wasn't particularly a side I disliked. It felt like it had taken all too long to reach this stage that the other Yeerks spoke of, it had taken too long to manage this strongly. At last she was starting to act like the humbled slave she was supposed to be from the start, had she been more intelligent. ((Please, that was all he could tell me!! It was all he would say!!))

In a bit of mischief I might have strung along this new fearful urgency of hers, had the prickly static of her panic not been so annoying. ((Calm yourself, slave…)) I half-grumbled, sounding more irate than I truly felt. ((I suppose you did better than what I expected. Any hint is better than none. If even it's not everything, I shall very well keep my end of the bargain.))

((….What?))

((Need I repeat myself?)) I snapped, again sounding more annoyed than I truly felt. ((I said your family shall remain uninfested for now, slave.))

A brief though ample wave of relief rippled through the burning veins and torn heart that was still fresh and vivid in her mind from the cages. In a rare bout of indulgence, she even contemplated the best way for which to thank me for my consistency, something I might have laughed at had the occasion been different. When I was the enemy, the master, the one unworthy of being referred to by name outside of this little sphere of ours, her emotions proved contestable enough to piece together.

((For now.)) I emphasized the words quite strongly, emphasized just how temporal this obligation was. ((As I've said and you clarified that you understood; our deal is entirely a means to an end.))

She was silent a long moment, as I led our body up the stairs of the Citizen's Center. She did understand, but somehow it had failed to reach her understanding completely. She had no true, earthly idea just how quickly these terms could come to an end. If I were ordered to do so tonight, within the next hour, the next fifteen minutes, I could and would have to crumple her current dreams of safety and freedom for her family if push came to shove. The truth was cruel, yes, but a necessary component of the large picture those entangled in What If and Why Would usually sailed over.

I could hardly understand just why at the moment I felt those smothered hints of gratitude resurfacing beneath the weight being lifted off her mind. I have clarified, more than once, that while I am resolved enough to the creed and ways of our growing Empire, I'm most certainly not a sadist. I had no intentions of disobeying my superiors the instant they wanted her family infested, but until then I had an obligation to uphold if even for the sake of scratching for some degree of trust between my host and I.

Given this sort of development, where Jinnniss and Ressaer were withholding findings from the investigation, I knew I might very well need my host's cooperation in the near future. Unlike the more brutal of our kind, I would not obtain that cooperation through common day – and not to mention uncreative – savagery and terrorizing her. I controlled and broke my hosts by means of necessity, not for depraved satisfaction.

Heather was waiting by the open doorway of the center's game room, smiling widely as we approached, smiling right back. "Took you long enough, slug," She teased, beautifully unaware of the nausea that coiled through Mandy at that. Irony was such a beautiful invention.

"Sorry about that," I shrugged our shoulders. "Meeting ran overtime because someone forgot a few things."

Heather cocked an eyebrow as we walked into the game room together. "Forgot a few things? What exactly do you guys do in there, plot world conquest or something?" Her grin grew, as did mine.

Ah… As I've said, irony is such a beautiful invention, and even more so when it happens to be this cruel.

"…You could say that."

"I know, I know, top secret evil agent stuff." Heather shoved me playfully, rolling her eyes. It will never cease to amaze me how easily diverted humans can be. "C'mon! I've been needing someone to play air hockey with!!"

"You mean someone to show you how to play air hockey."

She smirked. "Yeah, yeah, we'll see."

Our match of air hockey barely registered in my mind, mainly for two reasons. The less significant being in scrutiny, I couldn't honestly see the amusement of having to hit a hovering little disk back and forth across an air table. Having infested deadlier hosts and thus learned reflexes and skills suitable for hand-to-hand combat, this diversion was almost tragically easy. Simple minds are placated by simple things, I suppose.

But the greater reason happened to be wondering just what Ressaer 213 and Jinnniss 127 had planned in their ends regarding RUBICON and the investigation. Surely if Jinnniss had turned something up, for the sake of keeping us from diverting our focus and thus attracting unwanted attention, she would have kept us up to speed. If Ressaer's actions and silence could be entirely blamed on Jinnniss's own strange behavior, I suppose her connections and whatever she had turned up without telling the rest of us was all that was left to be found out…

Then came the other side of what I believe you humans would call, a "double-edged sword".

His host Logan had worded it perfectly, why would Ressaer relay anything to us if it meant possibly splitting the glory? He was a Yeerk who enjoyed the shortcomings of subordinates, but that indulgence was buried beneath his further love of praise and ascent. He might have simply been investigating Jinnniss's connections for his own benefit, a power hungry Yeerk acting on bouts of unfounded paranoia. It wouldn't be entirely unlike him to turn this instance of life or death into some sort of ignorant competition.

Pompous fool. And of course my host was cast too far off in her own thoughts to offer any helpful input.

My mind wandering notwithstanding, I easily enough deflected the disk back across the smooth glossy surface. It ricocheted off the left wall, a little scarlet blur that flew past Heather's hand and into the opposing slot.

"That's eight to nada," I smirked. "I win."

"What the hell…!" Heather laughed, shaking her head with a hand on her hip. "You had to have cheated somehow! You used to suck at air hockey, I'm calling bull on this! You used some kinda full member code to rig it or something."

I shrugged, smiling benignly as we both started clearing the game room. It was only in that moment I realized we'd been playing this game, talking, joking about things that meant nothing to me for the past hour. "Who knows, maybe you'll be as good as me when you become a full member."

"Yeah, yeah. Still say you cheated."

I chuckled. "You would."

We stepped out of the center, descending the concrete steps and unlocking our bikes from the small iron rack just off to the left on the sidewalk. "Gonna be on tonight?" Heather asked, swinging a leg over the seat of her bike, cautiously, considering that she'd gotten her jeans tangled in her chain twice on the way up here.

"Aren't I always?" I asked, knocking the kickstand back.

"All right," Heather nodded, smiling. "See ya later, Mand!"

"See ya!!"

-

I had to admit, my life inside of a human host surprised me more and more all the time. The human disposition, compared to the simplistic model of a Hork Bajir or the hunger-driven ravine of a Taxxon was a tad more sophisticated than what I expected. Human life happened to be more complex as well, the hierarchy and social patterns a step or so above that of a Hork Bajir, but driven by basic needs and purpose all the same. A human host was quite unlike my past experience, I would warrant that much given the behavior and foolish attachments of humans all the same.

This time, however, I was surprised by flashing blue and red lights ahead in Mandy's driveway. We both knew all too well what that meant. Squad cars. The police were at Mandy's house. Something was wrong.

((….What the…!!)) Mandy spoke for the first time in roughly an hour. ((What the hell's going on?!))

I sped up, racing down the small hill sloping back down into Mandy's neighborhood. ((If I were aware of that, I would have availed you the knowledge.))

((Yeah, well you Yeerks have plenty of lackeys on the police force!!)) She was still frantic, the crackle of her panic sparked sharply through her confusion. ((You said!! You promised that my family would stay safe!!))

((And if you'll recall, slave, I never promised them permanent safety. I said I would do what I could, and if my superiors have decided to step in without my account of the situation, then there's nothing I can do.)) I practically slammed the brakes, nearly fishtailing us a few feet up the driveway adjacent to the first of two squad cars.

Mandy was far from satisfied, not that in all honesty I could truly blame her. It wasn't the first time my superiors might have stepped in for drill-level infestation, but such was only typical if leaving the rest of a familial clutch of humans uninfested would become an inconvenience or possibly compromised our secrecy.

I climbed down off the bike and raced for the door, letting Mandy's true, cold and wearisome fear come shining through as I bolted up onto the porch. I tore open and barreled through the door.

"Mom?!" I yelled through the house, as Mandy's thoughts of Grace and Lucy flashed like lightning. The pictures raced through and haunted her endlessly, her family members being held down, my brothers crawling into their ear canals, the cloud of images almost incomprehensible for how it all crashed together in her panicked mind. "Mom, where are you?! Mitch?! Dad?!"

Static. Static and prickling so intense it was almost impossible to make anything of the dark inside of the house.

_Oh my god what's going on what's happening where are they please stop this please stop this please stop this now it can't be happening I can't take it happening_

I ran for the kitchen. The only lights on in the entire house it looked like, as I darted across the livingroom and into the open doorway. The overturned armchair and ottoman thrown halfway across the room quickly became signs of struggle to Mandy's already desperate mind.

_I can't handle this happening please don't let it be please let them be okay please let them be okay I can't take this I can't-_

((Mandy, calm down.)) I finally said, trying to break the haze of her all-consuming fear. It was the sort that ran too deep for most sentient creatures to bother with. The sort of fear that bore its holes into coherency, any decent track of mind, and obviously the sort that very nearly blinded me when I should have been focused. Quite annoying, I must say.

For the first time since I had infested her, I could intensely feel the deeper core of Mandy's fear. It was the first time, since realizing that she no longer had control of her body, she felt utterly helpless and defeated while stranded in a far corner of her own mind.

"Mandy, there you are!!"

Officer Myers was there to greet me at the kitchen table, sitting to the left of Grace, smiling pleasantly. His partner, a gangly specimen with thinning cheeks grazed in stubble was sipping from one of Grace's now steaming mugs with a notepad in his hand. "Where you been, Mand?" Officer Myers, or Jinnniss 127 I should say greeted me amicably. "We were getting worried."

((Why the fuck would you promise me this from the start?)) Mandy's voice was a shattered imitation of what I would say it should have been. ((Why would you-))

I tightened my grip around her brain. ((Shut up.))

"Meeting ran a little longer than expected." I said distantly. "Mom, what's going on?! Where's Mitch?!"

"He's on his way home from Warren's, they wanted to study together for a test tomorrow." Grace replied. She sounded so exhausted, looking as such as she sipped her lemon tea. "We had a break-in, Mandy."

That cut into both my questions and Mandy's growing hysteria quickly enough, enough to settle her into listening at least instead of screaming at me. It might have been one of the few times I found myself actually grateful to a human. "…A break-in?"

"Apparently they got in through the back door and did their fair share of making themselves at home." Officer Myers explained further, though eyeing me with a very subtle knowing in his eyes as I nodded my comprehension. "Didn't take anything, strangely enough, but they tore through the place like a tornado."

…Suddenly it was my turn to become apprehensive.

It couldn't have been a coincidence, nor could it have been imagination. Somehow they had found out where we lived, where my host lived. Somehow we had been found out. Somehow they had successfully hunted us, barely missed us… unless, as my greater instinct and logic denoted, that had been their intention.

They had been looking for either us, or something else we had that they wanted.

"….How bad is it? Mom, are you okay? Were you hurt?"

Grace held up a calming hand. "I'm fine, Mand. I managed to go next door to call the police. I think they ran just before they showed up, since Ms. Collins already told them that she saw two people running out the back door."

Of course they'd fled. If RUBICON happened to know enough about our numbers to kidnap those connected to infested hosts, certainly they knew the danger in lingering while Yeerk infested officers were on their way. It would have made things too easy for us had they done otherwise, but these escaped sadists hadn't kidnapped eight soldiers and starved them by being stupid. For all we knew, the two figures fleeing had been what they intended others to see, so even witness accounts might have led us nowhere.

Regardless of how opposite I truly felt, I feigned relief as I stumbled backward against the fridge. "Good God, mom, give me a heart attack… I thought something happened to you or Mitch."

"Well, we're short the window to a back door. Doesn't that mean anything?"

I backtracked towards the livingroom, only now taking the time to notice the jagged and gaping mouth left in the glass, cracked clean in the sides. Angular and uneven shards littered the carpet, scattered and reflective of the porch light like unplanned constellations. Not far from the door Lawrence's bookshelf had been ruthlessly thrown forward, but not without his collection of Arthur Conan Doyle classics and Barry White CDs ending up strewn all over the room.

"…Holy sh-…crap." I caught my tongue the same way Mandy would have caught hers. Grace didn't approve of swearing.

Grace's chair scraped back on the kitchen tiles. "Mandy, don't go over there! You'll end up getting cut!"

"I'm not, mom. Um…" I turned back toward the pair of officers, particularly Myers, staring him straight in the eye. "So… …no other problems? Nothing else here?"

Jinnniss 127 managed half a chuckle, understand what I was truly asking above all else. "Nothing else. You can head on up to your room, Mandy. We've got this all sorted out." No further business here, I would have been better surveying the damage than remain where I was essentially useless.

I only nodded, turning and obediently running up the stairs and leaving the matter up to them to be ironed out. Presently, there were greater worries ahead.

((Stop!!)) Mandy shouted as I raced up the steps by pairs. ((STOP!! You can't just leave my mom alone down there with those Yeerks!! Go back!! GO BACK!! Did you hear what I said?! I SAID-))

((I heard you just fine, human.)) I replied coldly. ((Your mother is safe for now. In case you haven't noticed, Jinnniss is much more concerned about our intruder, idiot.))

That was enough to calm her, up until I swung open our door.

It was impressive, I would admit to that much. My mattress had been flipped off my bed, cut open on the bottom until the stretched wool over the springs came beetling out. The frame hardly looked much better with two of its legs broken out from under it as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. Her bookshelf hadn't fared much better than Lawrence's, tipped forward with half its volumes ruffled and torn open, leaving the floor matted with shredded pages.

Her desk drawer had been yanked out, and missing its handle I found it flung and crumpled against the far wall. The desk itself had been pulled away from its spot by the wall, the reading lamp usually perched on its corner curled up beneath my mattress with its bulb cracked. The curtains had been ripped down, the closet torn open, Mandy's clothes were the other half of what had now become her floor.

It was all too perfectly clear.

Someone had been looking for something.

((What the fuck, man?)) Was all my host could manage in her shock, as I scooped up the torn remains of what had once been a perfectly cared for copy of Patricia Cornwell's _Body of Evidence_. ((What the hell could they have been looking for? That they had to go and do this?)) Ever since cluing her in about how closely entwined our fates happened to be, Mandy's joy at my being hunted had faded considerably. But this destruction of her home, her property, how close they had come to possibly killing or taking that which meant so much to her had rendered her beyond words.

She also posed a fine question. Unless the purpose was some kind of warning, a threat, I couldn't possibly imagine the motive behind all this. I shuffled through the newly weaved carpet of papers, book covers and clothes as I began heaving the mattress back up onto the frame.

((Wait, hold on!!))

((What?))

((Aren't they supposed to investigate everything? Tape it off, whatever?))

I sighed, trying not to sound impatient. ((If there was anything left worth those measures, Jinnniss would have taken them.)) I managed to find Mandy's sheets and comforter tangled in the curtains. I wasn't entirely sure how I'd go about fixing the broken legs. If Mandy's memories were correct, I'd need to weld them back together. Somehow Lawrence lending me the proper tools didn't seem too plausible, despite the fact that the tool would be simple enough for me to figure out.

I couldn't quite hide my aggravation at that. I swept Mandy's clothes up in our arms, heading for the equally torn apart closet, thankful enough that I had left my concealed weapon at the school for the time being, since I was to begin overseeing infestations in the next few days. The intruders had been enough draw Jinnniss's unwanted attention to me, I was sure, but I could only imagine what could have happened if they'd gotten their hands on a Dracon beam.

I nearly shuddered, cursing inwardly that I couldn't be so fully distracted with hanging clothes back up.

((….Are you scared?))

Mandy's voice was soft, almost understanding. The emotion confused me, given just how terribly it clashed against her refusal to call my by name on the outside, but at the moment I was too preoccupied to speculate.

((No.))

This recent turn of events had turned me apprehensive, heightened my caution, that much could be said indefinitely. But for as long as I would remember that human fear, deep and cold, burrowing and garbling up the better judgment of the human mind, I could never see myself agreeing with her upon any definition of that word. If 'scared' implied that I ever felt so foolishly afraid, that I could ever be driven to such idiocy, I could safely say that the human definition of scared fell far from what I actually felt.

((Not even a little?)) Mandy's voice wasn't skeptical or jeering. She was actually curious as to just what was going through my mind.

((No.))

((Then what DO you feel?))

((And just what concern is that to you?)) I knelt down and began to pick up still scattered pages and parts of book covers. I could feel her cringe at every title she recognized, wondering just how much it would cost to replace every last copy of all she had. ((After all this time, I'd have thought you hated me.))

((I do. But I can never read what you're thinking, what you're feeling. I just wanna know what you're up to.))

…It wasn't entirely the truth. I stepped around the broken glass of the glass bulb, trying to sort the pages into their correct volume stacks if only to occupy myself. The slam of car doors below told us both that Jinnniss had everything she could gather from here. My host happened to be all too relieved to hear them go.

For the sake of her family's safety, her own safety, Mandy was interested in just what I would be doing to aid our newly formed situation. It was a good portion of the truth, the gratitude underneath would have been undetectable if I hadn't been able to read every one of her thoughts as well as she could.

The other part of the reason, the fragment she didn't want me to read happened to involve that warped sense of gratitude she felt toward me. The gratitude that had at first been almost rhetorical, since I had shown her apparently not to take life for granted, had somehow rematerialized since striking our bargain.

She had been terrified, beyond anything she had ever felt in this world, that what little scraps she had thrown me wouldn't have been enough to spare her family. She had been sick enough with grief at having to use Logan to reach her own ends, but failing to reach the end she had invested so much into would have been beyond what she could stand, what she could take. My promise, no matter how temporary, no matter how transient had lent her that sliver of sanity knowing that it hadn't all been for nothing.

It resulted in an estranged sense of gratitude toward me no matter how much she hated me, gratitude that she would admit to – as she would say – when Hell froze over.

((That would be the purpose of our relationship, wouldn't it?)) I asked, condescension not to be lost on my tone. ((You're not supposed to know what I'm thinking.))

((…I just hope they don't find us.)) I could feel her shrinking back into the edge of her corner, trying to will herself into disappearing. ((I don't want them to come back here.))

I concurred with that much.

((On that, we can agree.))

* * *

And there you have it. :3 As said, reviews are not required to keep this story going, but if I'm doing my job right, it'd be nice to know! And likewise, if I'm doing my job wrong, it'd be nice to know. So uh, thank ya and good night! (Or good morning since it's half past six in the morning and I have yet to sleep because I've been up all night writing this chapter. Good lord.)


	13. Revelation

Well here we are again, children. :3 Just thought I should warn you guys, there's kind of a lot of Andalite hate in this chapter. But then again, it's Yeerk perspective, so it's kinda... ...naive to really expect anything else, right? So there you go, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Revelation

I suppose I should have been relieved when the next day found me pulled out of English, in Riistram 227's office sitting the opposite of both Sub Visser 23 and Jinnniss 127. In fact, I had been anticipating this very meeting the second Jinnniss 127 had left Mandy's abode in Myers' body, all too dreadfully certain of what matters we would handle and how the conversation would end. They both regarded me coldly; the warm smiles and welcoming eyes of our human masks having dissipated the very second Riistram 227 turned the lock.

At that moment even my property seemed to detect the tension rolling between the four of us. Her fervent complaining about missing her English test faded off into an echo.

"May the Kandrona shine upon and strengthen you both, Sub Visser, 127." I bowed my head slightly in due respect. I was all too aware of just what the two could propose if it meant the safety of my mission, disposing of the threat to discretion in threatening the safety of Mandy's family. I was offering to my superiors whatever I could, sincerely, as the thought of being withdrawn from my host and left blind and helpless in the pool flared inside my mind with unforgiving clarity.

Kandrona starvation notwithstanding, there weren't many worse fates than such a conviction, a sentence.

"Save the formalities, 348." Sub Visser 23 rose from the desk, the piercing azure of his host's eyes bearing turret-trained diligence as they bore straight into me. "I think you're all too aware of what we're here to discuss."

"I'm not a fool, sir."

"Despite Ressaer 213's testimony otherwise, I find myself in agreement with you in that regard." Sub Visser 23 said flatly. I couldn't very well contain the spark of hatred, not even outwardly as Mandy's fingers balled tightly into my whitening palm. "Like it or not, your possibly being targeted by RUBICON should do well to aid our mission and finish it within the next few weeks."

((POSSIBLY?!)) Mandy's outrage nearly paralleled mine. ((THEY FRIGGIN' TORE APART MY ROOM!!))

Once more I constricted my body tightly around her brain, plunging myself into the crinkles of her lobes and tightening my control. ((Quiet, human.))

"Possibly, sir?" I composed myself much more soundly than my host for having drawn the exact same conclusion, needless to say. "I think last night's intrusion was direct as we could hope for in knowing just what these savages are after."

"On the contrary, Timmron 348." Sub Visser 23 rose from his chair completely, currently stationed behind Riistram 227's desk while Riistram contented himself guarding the door against unwelcome ears. "We don't have any concrete evidence as to just who the intruders were. Jinnniss 127 has presented me with her suspicions about the involvement of those Andalite bandits."

I could only spare Jinnniss a passing glance before turning back to the sub visser. If the Andalite involvement in our situation happened to be argued between my superiors, it would be unwise to find myself in the middle and taking sides. The sub visser outranked Jinnniss, certainly, but Jinnniss was quite fond of utilizing her own ruthless disposition if it meant something as trivial as carrying out a grudge.

Thankfully, I wouldn't have to oppose as the sub visser continued. "We can all only hope that Jinnniss 127 is wrong, considering that Andalite activity would mean the direct involvement of Visser Three. For all of his…. …efficient tactics…" The four of us were silent as the words staggered out. "The chance of exposure is far too great if this problem draws both panic in masses and all Imperial attention."

Nestled into the receded corner of her own mind, Mandy was left in an immutable awe. To hear such things escaping the mouth of student president, soccer playing and usually jovial Josh Peack, the one and the same that had egged Chapman's car when they had been younger, the one and only Josh Peack was discussing such things as sting-operative tactics. The shedding of our human façades seemed too erratic for her to ever grow used to as the magnitude of the horror never lessened. She associated their faces and voices to the people she used to know too strongly.

"Agreed." Jinnniss 127 drummed Myers' fingers across the arm of their chair. "But sir, with all due respect the Andalites are hardly looking out for our convenience."

"I'm well aware." Sub Visser 23 replied coolly, winding his way around Riistram's desk and beginning to circle the office absently, hands clasped behind his back. "But I also see no obvious or even sensible motive for them to break into Timmron's host's home. Timmron 348 has been awarded nothing really worth attacking him for that could serve their purpose…." The Sub Visser's eyes narrowed. "Unless of course one of your investigations out of your line of recruitment duty leaves much for them to target you for, Timmron 348."

Staring right back at him, I shook Mandy's head with detached calculation. "No, sir. I've turned up no new leads or anything worth targeting me specifically for in regards to the investigation."

"With all due respect, sir," Jinnniss 127 spoke almost meekly from her chair. "The Andalites might very well be targeting Timmron 348 simply for his involvement with the investigation. We've addressed this issue, Timmron and I, and even he agreed that for the chance to expose our people to the humans the Andalites have too much to gain and too little to lose in attempted aid to the RUBICON."

"Nonsense!" Sub Visser 23 huffed, the action within itself almost ridiculous given the host body in which it was executed. "As if they should ever do something so taboo unto them as smear their absurd Andalite pride by working directly with humans."

It was a point quite well taken, one I couldn't help agreeing with though the sentiment boiled in my blood. That utterly blind, driven and excruciating Andalite pride, that arrogance, that pompous exclusion of species they just happened to pity or dislike from their same privileges while they policed the galaxies with a suddenly existent sense of honor and self righteousness…

Really, I could hardly see these less than admirable traits in connection to that which was directly behind the aid of the humans. Especially if they were risking themselves exposure to aid them, though that contrasted directly with the point that if an Andalite could stop a human host from being infested, they wouldn't without payment or without audience. I for one happened to believe, alongside a few brother Yeerks that prolonging their lives to turn them into hosts happened to be nothing but a pipe dream at best considering that they were the last Andalites in this sector. The only useful or good Andalite, to utilize the simplicity of human vernacular, is a _dead_ one.

"I suppose so." Jinnniss 127 relented, though I could spy the doubt in how her mouth grimaced. "But let us not eliminate their possible involvement completely from this endeavor, Sub Visser. They've still reason enough to dirty their hands in our investigation."

"I'm well aware, Jinnniss 127," the Sub Visser sighed impatiently. "But let me clarify this, and I will only clarify once…" Suddenly Josh Peack's demeanor was only a ghastly imitation of the youth crushed beneath the Yeerk's total control. His stare was fierce, unrelenting, and his tone darkened into what was nearly a gravelly whisper. "We are _going_ to find this RUBICON at _all_ costs and by _whatever_ means necessary, short of summoning Visser Three's mindless lapdogs to go barking into the tall grass. We are _going_ to hunt down _each and every one_ of those freed hosts. We are _going_ to insure that any human anywhere _near _these incidents is going to be infested and promptly before this is over." Mandy was cast nauseous in her receded corner.

"…But what we are _not_ going to do, is what humans say, _cry wolf._" He paused, directed his stare coldly around our circle, and continued. "If the Andalites ARE involved, then so be it. The orders still stand that anyone who wishes to live while under my subordination will keep this from the Imperial circle, until Andalite activity entices the Visser's actions directly. But right now we are not hunting _Andalites_. We are hunting a group of freed host vigilantes who are drawing unwelcome attention with their own actions. They are the target, and until any of you sees an Andalite face to face, you are to remember that and keep your tongue if you've the interest in holding onto it."

"Yes sir." Jinnniss and I both chorused. For all of my inclinations and for all of Jinnniss' obduracy, we both knew well where we stood when our commander took that tone.

"Timmron 348, regarding your excessive actions, you are to immediately resume your recruiting duties. Is that understood?"

I nodded. "Yes sir."

"Jinnniss 127, you are to further investigate that break in and gather whatever witness accounts you can. Also try your best to insure the surveillance of Timmron's host's family, see if perhaps they're bait in RUBICON's intentions. Let us see just how this plays out."

Jinnniss 127 immediately stood from her chair, head bowed. "Yes sir."

"Dismissed."

Riistram showed us the door just as the bell rang for next period. It was all the more time to ponder things, which turned out wasn't quite a step above the Kandrona starvation and threat to my cover that I'd been anticipating, ever since first hearing of RUBICON. My host had become dormant as expected in the back of our mind. Trigonometry had never been her favorite subject, and the ability to sleep through it had been one of the very few advantages of my unwelcome residency.

A pity, since I'd been counting on her usual rage and screaming as some sort of distraction.

Though I wouldn't dare admit it aloud, in all of her paranoid fixation on the involvement of the Andalites, Jinnniss 127 actually had a point. If even for the chance to expose us, the last Andalites in this very sector might well take the smears on their hands from human-aid, that absurd pride of theirs notwithstanding.

In fact, I wouldn't put it beyond them to warp the desperation of a human cause to meet their own ends, not when humans themselves were so fragile and disposable in Andalite company. One swipe of a tail here, a head tumbling there, it wouldn't be the first time Andalites decided to play judge in which would be better for innocents, concerning death and servitude to the Empire. It wasn't beyond them. It wasn't beneath them. But then not much was, if it came down to victory being swayed in either direction…

And all those soldiers, they were just trying to do their jobs, and those Andalites ever being involved in their slaughter only to further their own ends…. I couldn't, it just…

Mandy's hand carved serrated edges into the seven I'd been jotting down. I could positively feel, just let go and _feel _the scorching hot fury pulsing through me. It was such an unusual feat, spiraling anger from one body and into the shapes and wires of another, but there it was. The fire thrummed through the veins on my human wrist, shaking my hand as it fisted with the need to just send it flying. I could feel Mandy's heartbeat, my heartbeat fluttering.

I could feel the fire seeping and rising from the blood and into my skin, I could feel my entire body lightening as my muscles tensed. It was a single, marked moment where my all of thoughts collaged violently; almost incoherent in how they spun so close together. It was a clouded and floating sensation that clamped my jaw shut and ground my teeth.

I sat there, trembling and yet left in awe. Trying to regain control, yet enjoying how the fire burned around and through me. This… This purging, this emotional drain as I began tapping both my feet, tapping the now broken tip of my pencil, this was human rage. I wasn't entirely sure as to whether or not I enjoyed it, but I knew better than to let the sensation linger. Ash was staring at me from an aisle of desks over.

Had to sever the neural connections. Had to ease the body back, ease and relax the body while slowing the heartbeat. I could let the anger cloud inside our mind, but I couldn't simply let my emotions meld into my body without becoming what I suppose would be too obvious. I could not let the rage control me so completely, let my mind wander to the thoughts of those soldiers, those… _**Andalites. **_

I forced a breath through the nose. I could feel our chest and stomach, lead heavy and welled with the sudden desire to just… ….let go. Simply let go, and by let go I imply completely what it is to let go. I imagined myself in all assortments of freedom. Flipping the desk, grabbing the nearest human child by their hair, curling my fist into knuckles before pummeling every inch of skin and bone and human I could find until they screamed and pleaded, the same way those soldiers might have, and all the same I would ignore their pleas the same way those Andalites, those _**ANDALITES…**_

Ash was still staring at us from her desk, adjacent to ours. I didn't care, I couldn't care, I would never care so long as they were still out there. My human fingernails had begun burrowing into my palm, the pencil fell from my clenching fist in two broken halves. Another breath through the nose, furrowing deeper, scorching, screaming, let go and throw the desk and punch and kick and just throw back the head and let fly a deafening shriek, a scream, all the same screams I put up with day in and day out but just _**scream**_…

((….are you okay?))

Mandy had woken by this point, stirred to consciousness by the seething practically permeable both outside and inside. Of course she didn't honestly care for my well-being. She had the same ends that I did in our relationship; convenience and nothing more. She was also well versed in how usually human hosts were swept up into whatever we happened to feel, intentionally or not.

I couldn't speak. I wouldn't speak, rather. I was far from the mood to be remotely conversational, and she could detect that, since the anger I had allowed to consume me so completely was impossible to hide.

((Take a deep breath.)) she said, quickly, comparing speaking to me at the time to what she would call ripping off bandages.

But to try dwindling it, the intoxication of this fever, this anger, this _rage_ and _fury_, how could I when it was simply too easy to… No, couldn't. what. no, it's not that just it's….

I shook my head, mentally, as I attempted grasping the outward situation objectively. I urged another breath through my nose, deeper, beyond the heavy heart and stomach, allowed the cool air to completely fill me.

((The mouth.)) Mandy said. ((Try it through the mouth.))

I let go and slowly released, palp by palp as I took in a gulping mouthful of cool air that suddenly existed beyond the blistering and screaming. Let go, but maintain control as I monitored the synapse connections carefully while willing my mind back to relativity. I was Timmron 348 of the Hett Niam pool, born aboard transport ship 6748925, transport to main designated pool as overseen by Iniss 226.

"What's wrong?" Ash mouthed, when I was able to look up for only a second without screaming. Another deep breath, another stifled flow of the electricity across the synapses while maintaining my control, a feat that ate nearly all ounces of strength I had. In the back of our mind however, I knew an all too willing host was waiting to leap at the chance for control.

((If they're trying to save us from you, they can't be that bad of people.)) Mandy snarled, responding in kind to the anger thinking of those Andalites had rendered me into with indignant rage of her own.

((As I must remind you over and over again, don't speak of that which you know nothing about you ignorant slave.)) I intoned icily. I had regained my composure enough to address my host perhaps, but I wasn't that far back in control of my emotions. My hands had stopped shaking. My eyes could focus beyond the blurry films that anger had distorted them into, availing me the true meaning to that human expression 'So angry I can't see straight'. I might never have known it was literal had it not been for experience, though I had no time to appreciate it. ((Trying to save you from us indeed,)) I sneered. ((You WOULD believe that, wouldn't you? Anything for your freedom, anything for your so-called rights that you've done nothing but take for granted. Anything for your sight, legs and arms that you ignorant humans seem content with leaving idle on couches while you watch television and let life drift right on by.))

I felt Mandy recoil slightly at that latter sentiment. Though she even felt that my point stood, it didn't halt her anger. ((Oh, so what? Boo hoo, pity me, I don't have a body of my own. So I'll just take someone else's, I'll enslave them in their own mind, I'll taunt them with their worst fucking memories and I'll make threats to take away their best friends day in and day out, but just because humans watch T.V or just because a few people ARE lazy, THAT makes it all okay!))

((That very same ignorance is what makes you such ideal candidates for hosts,)) I volleyed back. ((Everywhere you turn on this planet, nothing but humans making some loathsome lot in life. You've officials who lied to reach where they are, you've murdered each other over the differentiated views of an omniscient being, you kill to eat, and you kill each other for money to eat. And all this, for what? It may be distant, but in the grand future, your planet will eventually be uninhabitable given how your resources are depleting, your atmosphere is being stripped, it'll face the same fate as the planet Mars and given that inevitability, still you humans exist merely for yourselves and your conveniences. Do you really think you humans are better off without us? Do you actually think that you humans will make ANY progress killing each other, bombing and starving your young and leaving them uneducated? But I suppose our attempts to make something BETTER of your race, rather than allowing it to descend into its own destruction as nature intended is a crime on our behalf.))

((Don't even give me that 'we're SAVING you humans' bullshit, Yeerk.)) Mandy's voice was clipped, flinty with temper. ((It's about viewing us as shiny plastic toys, puppets, and you and I both know it.))

((I'm not going to argue with you.)) I was finally beginning to calm completely. Mandy had actually well served her purpose as a means of distraction from just why I had been so livid to begin with. ((As for the threats, the taunts, what have you; I see that you fail to mention that most of them were retaliations on my behalf against your futile struggles and constant insubordination. What it comes down to is that I am the one in power, the one in charge. Every decision from what we do to where our intentions lie happen to be mine to make. They're decisions you don't agree with, I'm certain, but yet another fault of you humans would be your single-tracked inability to see from any perspective different from your own.))

((Oh right, because you Yeerks so see things our way.))

((We're inside your minds and know your every thought, emotion and memory, human.)) I said darkly. ((I see from your perspective just fine, and objectively speaking, I also see that you're ignorant to the true intentions of your so-called Andalite saviors. You're too naïve, too stupid to understand what this whole thing is really about.))

She was actually quiet, cast athwart with doubt at how menacingly serious my words were. For that second, she actually wondered if everything Logan had told her had been some sort of well-contrived lie, a deception. I searched her scattered memories of the cages, reading them as vividly as if they had just happened. "The Andalites are the good guys in this mess," Logan had said wearily, worked to exhaustion not for the first time by Ressaer's ruthless determination. "They want to save everyone from the Yeerk invasion. Ressaer showed me things, told me things." It was too rich for words. Nothing I hadn't expected from this drawn out war, propaganda was always so typical. But really, for such self-proclaimed warriors of righteousness, I'd have expected better of our glorious and loving Andalites.

Although on second thought, perhaps I wouldn't have expected anything less.

Her blindness was certainly an issue that well presented itself in how she desperately clung to the idea of Andalites having anymore shreds of decency than we did, though it was typical. Mandy was a maturing female, but given the general lifespan of a human she was still young, her vision obscured by inexperience, clear and untouched by the grim realities of war. Even most mature humans were of that same disposition.

She had read of wars and battles in her people's history, accounts of both fact and fiction, but then knowing of war and understanding it were two different things entirely. As terrible as awakening her might have been, I thought now to be the perfect time to shed truth on the matter. As garish as that light may have been, it was a necessary component to the larger picture. That picture being that war between us and those self-righteous Andalites, when further seen beyond the disgustingly simple good-guy and bad-guy ideal led to evil on both sides. War was impossible without it.

The smirk could be heard in my mental voice as I spoke. ((Oh, so the Andalites are the good guys, are they? Did Logan also happen to mention what happened to a good number of Hork Bajir when we invaded their world? I don't think he would know this much from what Ressaer has told him, of course. But it really is an interesting outcome.))

((If you're going to get on me about being stupid and naïve, then it'd be stupid and naïve to assume you're telling the truth, wouldn't it?)) Mandy snapped, though it was clear that my tone had unnerved her. Her confidence was completely hollow, when the surface was barely scratched by a searching palp.

((Tell me slave, you're aware of how we enslaved and conquered the Hork Bajir, aren't you? I'm sure Ressaer's told Logan that story.)) I said, already knowing that yes he had, and typical of a desperate host trying to set alight hope Logan had told Mandy of our ruthlessness and the Andalites' desperate struggle to set things right. How apparently we had cowed the Andalites aside, leaving them to watch helplessly from some proverbial sideline while the Hork Bajir were herded onto our pool ships and we infested each and every one.

As I have mentioned, it was far too rich for words.

((Yeah, he did.)) Mandy spat, as her hands continued taking notes with a newly sharpened pencil. ((Is there a point to this?))

((While some aspects of Logan's… creative account are correct… We did overtake the will of the Hork Bajir for the purpose of troops, there were remaining free Hork Bajir after our initial take over.)) I spoke with a nonchalance that had Mandy sick with fear. ((Have you ever heard of the Quantum Virus?))

((The what…?))

((Ah, a brief explanation is in order.)) I said, almost too jovially for her to be at ease. Despite this, I was only too happy to provide her answers. It was my pleasure to provide her the truth. ((The Quantum Virus is created of air-borne particles, each being an advanced simulation of life to death structured like an assortment of viruses that are programmed to break matter down at a molecular level. Understand?)) Her unspoken compliance gave me my affirmative answer. ((It's quite a terrible way to die, really. Agonizing, dragged on for weeks, months, I'd think that victim races would go mad with the pain and possibly destroy themselves before the virus finished its work.))

I felt another wave of nausea go tumbling through her, spiked enough that she couldn't speak. She knew exactly which avenue my explanation of such a sinister invention was taking. She knew exactly where I was going, but in spite of this I continued.

((That horrific end was what happened to the remaining free Hork Bajir, as I'm sure you've deducted.))

((Don't tell me this.))

((Why shouldn't I, human? I'm telling you the truth.))

((I said don't tell me this.))

((Better you know what happened rather than hold onto delusion.))

In spite of my efforts Mandy wouldn't hear of such blasphemy. I imagine she would have covered her ears, had she the hands and arms to manage it. ((You're lying!! You're lying to make them look bad, Yeerk!!))

((What benefit do I reap in tarnishing the Andalites with lies, when I've a host body in either instance and they're not even here?)) I asked, almost boredly. ((If I wanted to crush your hope, I would simply need to remind you of your situation.))

She couldn't argue, given how she could intuitively feel that I was speaking the truth. My host had gathered my honesty in how I had spoken so far simply from how she knew me; I preferred my hosts compliant as much as the next Yeerk, but I wasn't the sort to meet that end through fear mongering and terrorizing.

In that sense, I was very much unlike an Andalite.

((Do you know who unleashed such a horrible virus? Who unleashed such a terrible weapon on the innocent?)) I prodded, not quite satisfied by her mere shock alone. ((War Prince Alloran Semitur Corrass if memory serves me right, a compassionate, gentle and loving heroic Andalite we cowed as we ruthlessly enslaved the Hork Bajir before he fell to Visser Three.)) I laughed in satisfaction at how her words hitched into a choked, stammered sound of a murmur. ((He programmed it to destroy ALL Hork Bajir, Controller and free alike to keep them from being enslaved. He believed that an unwarranted death sentence would be better for the entire race rather than risk our filthy infection. Destroying an entire race to prevent them being enslaved,)) I scoffed. ((Or perhaps the uglier truth: slaughtering a race without regard for its safety for the sake of avoiding his failure.))

((….better to be dead than a slave.)) Mandy finally whispered, as if speaking it aloud to me would ring the words true.

((Are you trying to convince me, or you?)) I asked, the mockery in my voice remaining even. ((What if we had yet to reach your family when on the off-chance the Andalites just happened to appear? Would you like the Andalites to literally take ANY means necessary to insure you all aren't taken by Yeerk control? Would you like your mother, father, brother, and your unborn sister to be destroyed in the most agonizing way possible, if it meant they would die free? Does _any_ sentient creature deserve that fate? Does any race deserve to have that kind of fate written for them? Try to truly imagine all of that before you answer, Mandy. Consider the question carefully.))

When she pondered my explanation and question in earnest regard, answering was of the many things she couldn't do without feeling forsaken. She remained in her perceived corner of our mind, benumbed and without a word for the rest of the period.

-

It was a week later before I returned completely to my recruiting duties, as instructed by the sub visser. An entire painfully uneventful week, with no more break ins, no more threatening instant messages, no more calls from Jinnniss or Ressaer. It was just common-day existence for a Yeerk and his host, as if RUBICON had flickered to dispersion. We all knew better than to make assumptions. If anything, they knew now that we were hunting for any leads or connections back to them and were being careful to watch their step.

Having once been Controllers themselves, they had a decent idea of who to trust and a faint idea of whom we had targeted, though in isolation that never did a single escaped host much good. But grouping that intelligence made them quite an inconvenience.

((I'm sure something will turn up eventually.)) Mandy had said, finding how my thoughts constantly drifted back to them almost incorrigible.

((We both are, since something usually always turns up.)) I'd agreed, and it was more than enough to remind us both to be aware. I wasn't the only one in danger, if I truly had become a target for whatever intentions RUBICON had. If even it was for self-preservation, it was still enough to make Mandy wary.

Ah, but in spite of that I decided it was time to make myself inconspicuous. That was why a week later found me in an after-school meeting of The Sharing with Heather. We had been playing volleyball in the school gymnasium, Heather's team was winning. The humans circled each other on the court, smiling, laughing and joking, slapping their hands together (high fives, I believe they're called) and congratulating one another. Each of them seemed completely unaware that their entire roster was about due for infestation. It was how we had chosen teams, after all.

Temnan 254 had made her intentions clear at the meeting prior, while we were feeding in the pool. Taking me aside from the other Yeerks, she had actually placed me in charge of overseeing the infestation of a small list of potential hosts that had been inducted into The Sharing long enough, Heather Lannings being among them. I couldn't say I was surprised.

((I trust you to finish this to the best of your ability while I oversee the infestation of another group, Timmron 348.)) Temnan had said, which meant of course that I had to see this through completely. I had to agree. Every Yeerk that broke the surface of the pool inside a human host was expected to recruit their fair number of hosts eventually, it was almost a rite of passage given the freedoms our new bodies granted us. Pay it forward, as I believe you humans call it.

It was still quite a shame in itself, really. After our deal a week or so past, I could feel it if even Mandy would never admit to it, but she had actually placed an iota of trust in me. That simple bargain, as temporary as it was, had been all it took. She was now beneath the wrong notion that I struck deals, that I could be opened to negotiation, that I could be so easily sorted and understood as if I were of her kind. To some extent, she assumed we could reach some sort of compromise and had already begun digging for something of equal worth to try and save her friends.

While it was quite annoying, it fit well into my plans. A host that tried to humanize and even sympathize with its captor proved itself malleable, easier to manage than one that fought constantly. If it meant she was less of a distraction from my duties, if it meant her marginal existence would be easier to tolerate, I wouldn't be so hasty to correct her. I certainly hadn't been open with my intentions for Heather with my host when Temnan gave me the assignment. I could only imagine how well that would go.

Here and now however, it seemed that I was left without much choice. It wouldn't bode well for my preferences, but duty served the higher calling priority. From the bleachers with a small group of armed Controllers at both my sides, I smiled as Heather wound her arm back and served again, sending the ball sailing on the other side of the net. The humans scrambled for it, an entanglement of limbs and hands that knocked it into the air only to groan and curse as it fell short of the other side. Heather's team again high fived and cheered each other on.

"Nice one," I called to Heather. She gave me a wave and a grin, and I'm certain that had she known it would be one of her last she might have prolonged it. "Let's make the next one the match point. Winning team gets to go out for dinner, our treat." I gestured around to the other Controllers sitting by my sides, an older senior, the gym coach, and a small number of parent chaperones that typically 'supervised' the meetings from the sidelines.

"Yeah," Mrs. Elliot Setzer, or rather Oondor 467 chimed in, with a large smile on the full bow of her quirking lips. "How's free pizza sound?"

The winning team of course hooted and cheered for that much. "All right!" Bert threw Heather the ball, grinning along with the rest of the team. "Heather, you're our lucky server far as we're concerned. Score this next point and show 'em how it's done, all right?"

Heather laughed, bouncing the ball carelessly atop her fingertips. "Yeah, sure." She took her corner and prepared to wind her arm back, just as the rest of the team tensed forward eagerly. It was a game already won, it would be over soon. …It would be over in so many other ways as well.

As if sensing our plans in premonition, I could feel Mandy surface from her usual corner. She didn't really feel anything, save for simply… …awake. ((…What's going on?)) she asked, when she could summon the courage.

I didn't answer. Instead I directed Mandy's eyes to Heather, while she wound back her arm and sent the ball arcing again over the net. The least I could do was avail my host this one final act of her best friend's free will, a consolation for having withheld my intentions if anything else. The other team managed to flounder the ball back, and Heather, Bert, Stephanie, Cody, Caitlyn and Carson banded together. Cody leapt and spiked it, sending it slamming into the court floor on the other side of the net.

Coach Rob blew his whistle, the skirl announcing the end of the match.

"All right, all right guys!" Oondor 467 clapped her hands as the winning team high fived again, cheering and whooping as the other team of humans sulked. Not that they had to worry, considering that their freedom might have made for a fine door prize as Coach Rob led them toward the locker room to change and leave. "Well, we're all members of our word." Oondor clapped Carson on the shoulder, beaming. "Free pizza it is!"

((What's going on?))

I waved my goodbye to the other team. "Better luck next time, guys!" I called after them before returning my attention to our winner's circle, the one and the same circle walled now by Controllers that were drawing near with their congratulations in order. I drew in close for the same, of course. "Way to really play out there, guys."

Carson's gap-toothed grin greeted me in reply. "So where're we going out? I'm starvin'!"

"We could hit the new place that opened up across town," Caitlyn shrugged, the ball beneath her arm. "I hear they've got really good pizza, it's even hand tossed."

"Sure," I said, smiling benignly. "We're just gonna have to split it up to who's riding with who." The other Controllers leapt their cues to lean forward, attentively. They knew perfectly well what I truly intended. "Cody, Carson and Caitlyn can ride with Mrs. Setzer." I directed a smile toward Oondor 467. "Um, is that okay with you?"

"It's fine!" She flicked her hand, already rummaging through her purse for keys she wouldn't be using. "C'mon, you guys, let's get going!" In that matter of mere seconds, the three humans left with Oondor 467 and two others armed with Dracon beams fit for insuring little to no struggle from any of them. I would give them at least ten minutes or so, before they returned as newly created Controllers and a trivial victory long forgotten.

I nodded my immense satisfaction. For my first assignment in recruitment and infestation, it was going quite swimmingly. "And uh… let's see… …Bert and Stephanie can hitch a ride with Gary, here." I motioned toward the senior to my right. Gary Sands, or Illuern 340 as I knew him swung his jangling keys by the single hoop awhirl on his finger.

"No prob, Steph wouldn't mind riding shotgun, right?" Gary gave her a crooked smile, a subtle wink. Stephanie gave a breathy laugh, waving shyly at him from behind Bert trying to hide the bright flush on her cheeks. I already knew that I'd set the perfect bait in that regard; Gary was the reason Stephanie had kept coming back, after all.

((What the hell's going on, Yeerk?))

"Heather can ride with me, Jacob, Cliff and Jenny." I motioned to the remaining members as Jacob tried a boyishly awkward wave at Heather. "We'll all meet up there at say, five thirty, ish?"

"Sounds good to me. See you guys there!" Gary led Bert and Stephanie out the side exit into the student parking lot. He trailed them with a confirming nod in my direction, before the finality of slamming doors cast the two new hosts out of my concern.

((Answer me, Yeerk!)) Mandy rose into a shout when I wouldn't acknowledge her. ((What the hell are you doing?! What're you up to?!))

((Typical business.)) I returned coolly, chancing her no hint of what was to come. ((Nothing that disconcerting, human.))

"All right!" Heather scooped up her jacket off the bleachers, slinging it around her arms and joining our circle. "I'm ready to go, what about you guys?"

"Hey Heather?"

"Yeah?"

"Before we get going, can I talk to you a sec?" I asked, motioning toward the doors on the other side of the gymnasium that led into the utility hallway. Understandably she seemed somewhat baffled, but with a shrug she followed me. Without a single doubt, without a question and without a single what if, Heather followed her best friend straight into her final moments as a human being.

I knew in that moment that no other time than now would have chanced me a better opportunity. It was a basic protocol, conducted much in the same way as the business of which I spoke to my host. The Sharing's complete induction included the provided chance for potential hosts to become voluntary, to surrender themselves quietly, though how the revelation and the choice went over varied as much as the humans hearing it.

A good number of them wouldn't believe it, they thought it a joke or insanity on the part of people they once thought they knew. Another number had to be dragged kicking and screaming, while still others were so fascinated by the concept that they tried it simply out of curiosity.

Or so Temnan had told me, and given what I had observed thus far I believed her without question.

The utility hall was where we kept locked and under near constant surveillance a portable Yeerk pool. It had been transported here a week ago, beneath the guise of newly shipped equipment funded to us by Sharing donations, as it was snuck in and constructed piece by piece to stave off undesired attention.

Locked within one of the larger supply and maintenance closets, Temnan 254 and Inniss 226 had personally insured that any janitor whose routine neared it had been infested. The operation had gone as smoothly as either of them could have hoped for, to say the least. And as I led Heather out into the corridor where the pool waited just on the other end, I don't think I could have honestly named a better location.

The girl passed her gaze over the rust-flecked pipes in the ceiling, the dimly lit white brick walls and cracked tile floor that flickered under the humming fluorescents. She shuddered in the almost unnatural chill of the hallway. Her expression was uneasy.

"What'd you want to talk about, Mand?" Heather finally managed, breaking our silence in a voice practically shot to a whisper. "I mean, why out here? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine."

"Then what's going on? What'd you want to talk about?"

"Heather, Teresa's told me that you were interested in becoming a full member, is that right?" I asked as I inclined myself almost fashionably against the wall, as if this were of any normal human conversation, as if this were of any typical human setting.

"Well, yeah… I mean you said it was a lot more fun…" Heather certainly didn't seem as sure of the words as I had sounded when I said them. Now I could see her thoughts drifting to far off corners, ones she had abandoned long ago for how often she'd returned to meeting after meeting. "You said that… that…."

"Your whole world changes." I supplied.

"…..Yeah…" She had already backpedaled a step or so. I could grant humans enough that some of them retained a survival instinct, if even it served her no better than the bare fingernails she had been born with. "That's what you said." She seemed to emphasize that. I had said it, not her.

I nodded. "And I think it's time you see just what I meant by that."

Heather was completely motionless while I began to unveil the truth. "You see, Heather, your friend Mandy here isn't everything you've thought her to be as of these past few weeks." I advanced a step toward her, beautifully composed even as the puzzled human my opposite watched me in a stricken awe. "I am actually Timmron 348, of the Hett Niam pool. A Yeerk, what you would call an alien being, one of many which reside in human minds and continue our façade for the sake of recruiting hosts."

"Mandy, what're you doing?" Heather staggered back now, not that the other end of the hallway would lead her away from me. I had left the other Controllers guarding the doors, her only means of either escape or rescue. "C'mon, knock it off. We gotta go meet the others, right?" She tried smiling, though it faded when my expression became no less somber. "….Right…?"

Whether she was in awe or disbelief, I could not say. Searching Mandy's memories inclined me to believe that perhaps she thought it a joke.

"You seem to be skeptical."

"….Mand, you've played some really dumb jokes before, but this is just desperate, y'know?" Heather chuckled, a relieved little sound as if I had just admitted to joking.

"It isn't a joke or a lie, Heather."

((Oh my God…)) Slowly the truth came crashing into my host. ((Heather!! RUN!! RUN!!)) I felt her arms struggle to thrash, her legs yearn for turning me away from my newly intended prey to no avail beneath the stronghold of my absolute control.

"Mandy, c'mon…" she sharply quirked an eyebrow, an expectant hand upon her hip. "How stupid do you think I am? I mean, seriously, I know you got me with that one crank call a few months or so back but I already said never again."

"We Yeerks have been taking entire races for our hosts for a good number of your years, now." I continued, ignoring how Heather's face fell, her brows knotted in aggravation. I ignored how Mandy shrieked; how she threw herself against me in any attempt she could to divert the inevitable. My control remained concrete and total. "Humans are among our latest targets. The Sharing is a front organization for recruitment. We've chosen you among others to address directly as to whether or not you would like to come quietly."

"Right, right, and while we're sharing secrets here… Mandy…" She composed herself as stonily as she could, though we could both still see her grin struggling to break free. "…I'm a vampire."

I smirked. "Perhaps the simpler diet will make you more ideal for a host body, then."

"Mandy, you're kinda scaring me…" Heather backpedaled another step. I followed. "Okay Mand, now seriously, what'd you really want to talk about?"

In the duration of ten minutes I thoroughly repeated myself, unmasking what I truly was behind Mandy's eyes and beneath her woven mask. I had once again given her my designation as well as Temnan's, and I had once again explained our purpose and cause logically and calmly with a careful balance of bravado, so as to lend her the right impression of our people. Heather's face only gradually paled, given how long that "Mandy" seemed to insist that this sick joke of hers continue.

"Mandy, you're really scaring me."

"I don't intend to."

"Too late for that, you're really freaking me out with this shit." Heather began to stumble along the wall, feeling it for doors, openings, anything to get away from what she seemed satisfied with calling her temporarily insane best friend. "Seriously, please stop."

"I can't, since we owe you humans the truth before we lay claim to you."

((YOU SON OF A BITCH!!)) Mandy was still screaming, kicking and punching beneath my restraints with less than futile effort. ((YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!! YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!! Oh God, oh my God, oh my God, oh God….))

"Mandy stop, goddamnit!!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that." I sighed, partially certain that I was speaking both of the humans now enraged at me as I presented Heather her choices, gave her the options as agreed by protocol. "You've the privilege of choosing that much," I continued. "You may either come voluntarily, become a Collaborator, or… you may come involuntarily. Either way, I'm afraid you won't be leaving knowing as much as you do now about my people, so do be quick to make your decision."

((Why are you doing this?!)) Mandy shrieked, all the more furious that I ignored her screams and fighting for the sake of completely focusing on my task at hand. ((Why are you doing this to her?!))

"You're seriously going to keep this up?" Heather's once skeptical voice had cracked in pitch. She tried another laugh, though it came out a frightened and choking gasp, nearly hysterical. "Mandy come on, this isn't funny anymore. Now it's just getting annoying."

"Involuntary it is." I replied, all of my patience having thoroughly vanished.

I turned and threw open the doors to our right, leading Jacob and the others inside the hallway. "Involuntary." I said to them in greeting, and with immediate understanding they began to circle her. It was a short chase to say the least, where Heather bolted to the end of the corridor only to meet barren walls and locked doors leading back into the school where she might have escaped us. Cliff and Jenny brought her back struggling by her arms, dragging her past me as I calmly brought up the rear until we bypassed the doors and slammed them shut, locking them behind us.

I kept to the far right of the small platoon of human Controllers with a well contained eagerness, a well contained contentment with the satisfaction of acquisition. The poor girl cried, she struggled, but the net of arms wrapped around her might as well have been forged of steel cables in how expertly they handled her as they drove her to the end of the hallway. Her terrified face peeked from between the moving shoulders, pale, stricken with panic as she screamed in our direction.

"Mandy!!" she shrieked, a fist breaking off from one of her captors and mercilessly beating at one of the three currently holding her. "Mandy, do something!! Mandy, do something, please, I don't want to go with them!!"

It was at that moment in time, when they dragged her into one of the locked back supply closets in the gymnasium, that perhaps the host mind might have been utterly grateful for my presence there with her. "Don't worry, it will all be over soon." I said aloud, both to Heather and to Mandy as her mind completely broke beneath my control.

She was crying, sobbing, screaming and dying silently. Mandy had long since abandoned her usual degree of valor and strength and availed herself the freedom to cry all she wanted now. Her hardest struggle against me had proven futile, in her vain effort to rescue her best friend. As far as the host mind was concerned, she had no weakness unexposed now that she had ultimately failed. She knew now that my dominance, my control, everything I had stolen and still kept from her cost her too much effort for too little reward to fight.

My control was the only way her face remained so calm as I followed the group into the back room, where the pool still teemed with the bodies of Yeerk slugs well fed and eager for new hosts in the convenience of close-range infestation. My control was the only way I ignored Heather's helpless screams as they forced her down onto her knees, the only way Mandy could have ever bared her hand becoming the one to shove Heather's head into the Yeerk pool.

((Why would you do this?! WE HAD A DEAL!! _WE HAD A DEAL!!_)) Mandy shouted over and over again from her mind, the complete paralysis my control rendered for her having quickly descended into a cancer. A cancer that she finally understood she would not be rid of. My hold on her, she realized, had not only been a nightmare, but it had swiftly become a contemptuous barrier from which no force of her mind could break. Not sheer will, not strength, not courage, not family, not virtue, not even love.

The terrible truth was that love held no accordance in a world only structured by objective reality and balances of power. No matter what these humans heard from their fairy tales and no matter how strong it may have been, love was a forsaking illusion. It held no place in a world order of the strong tearing apart the weak, the masters breaking the slaves, the odds falling only in favor to those that nature dictated would create their own destiny.

As far as the reaches of their faith taught them, experience denoted that the meek only inherited the world left over, once everything they had was pulled and beaten from their fingers. Love was no savior. Salvation was for those who claimed and kept their control over their reality.

Perhaps that is far from the scruples and delusions you humans have learned, in your time spent immersed in your fantasy worlds where such nonsense prevails. Where the 'good guy' always wins, where everything is pristine white and consuming black, and where justice is thankfully never blind. Where love is the ultimate power, evidenced by magic and heart, where love can overcome anything.

The truth can be so cruel. The truth is a necessary component, to avoid breaking.

((We did have a deal.)) I agreed. ((I agreed to relent in my targeting of your family. However, that bargain did nothing to safeguard your friends, I'm afraid.))

((Why the fuck would you do this?)) She sobbed almost silently as Heather's head broke the surface of the pool to scream one last time, before my hand pressed her into the water again. She couldn't watch this. She couldn't watch her own hand plunge her best friend into the Hell she had known for almost a month. ((Why the fuck would you pretend to want to cooperate with me? Why would you do this?))

((It is as I've said all along, human…)) I explained it as calmly and as rationally as I could, remembering again that humans were ignorant. ((It's all for my own convenience.))

The next time Heather broke the surface of the pool, her face was calm and collected. The fear and disbelief had been reigned in rather quickly by its new master.

* * *

.....I'm listening to Re: Your Brains by Jonathon Coulton right now. On a scale of one to ten, how inappropriate is this? 8D Anyway, reviews aren't required, but if you ARE enjoying the story thus far or would like to make a concrit, then by all means I'd love to hear from you! Thanks again for your kind attention!


	14. Casualties

Disclaimer: oh god you guys have every right to lynch me I am so sorry but hopefully a fifteen page chapter will make some amends?

Meaning uh... real life happened, along with my computer crashing thanks to a virus. 8D; But uh, I've also been involved with a few other projects lately, and my original writing sort of took top priority. Sorry about that, gang!

* * *

Casualties 

The next few days were, as the human vernacular would word it, the quiet before the storm.

Mandy remained silent for the remaining days she had left until our next cycle, and I could say with climbing certainty that even she didn't quite understand what she felt. There was of course anger, hatred, those emotions that rang universally in tones we all could understand, regardless of species. The savage brunt of it was geared toward me, the ever despicable master, the oh so horrid slave driver, it was a context I understood and ignored well enough. After all, no amount of human understanding would change the fact that I had a job to do. The fact that I was a soldier.

But then came those emotions that clouded what remained of her judgment.

She was scared, deathly afraid for her friend Heather. The images of Heather's calm, resigned face rising from the teeming pool had become fatally burned into her memory. Had the body warranted her will, she would have been sick to her stomach thinking about it. She would have vomited, sobbed, screamed until the storm of it all found her curled on her bathroom floor and willing the cold tiles to override her higher functions. But of course, she wouldn't meet such expulsions while I remained. She wouldn't have the peace owed to her, so long as I was alive and in control as nature intended. It made for a very elaborate justification. Another reason to hate me so much more than for what I'd done to her, and her best friend.

But in spite of all of this, in the face of all this engulfing fear, she couldn't help but feel relieved.

As a human she would have never admitted this, nor would any sane human being, but able to access each and every running thought as it came, before it materialized, even as she banished them I knew better. She was relieved if only because it had been Heather, not Mitchell, her parents, in a very real sense she understood that I had up-kept my end of our little bargain. It was infinitely the lesser of two evils, even if she would never wish this fate on her worst enemy. Not that she could admit that, not to me or to herself. Following closely was the immense guilt it took to remain a decent human, having had such feelings, having entertained such a thought, if even for a second.

Brutal, merciless, obliterating nearly every limited sense my control left her with, the guilt salvaged a sizable part of anger and hatred for herself. For a couple of seconds, the girl entertained thoughts of turning herself over to me completely. Becoming the closest she could to one of us, a Collaborator, for the loss of her freedom was everything she deserved now. For being so selfish, for being horrible enough to thank their odd, omniscient being called God that it was Heather and not her family. It was all she'd ever earned. As eager as I might have felt to leap on the idea, I didn't coach her further before she decided it was too great a price to pay, too cowardly a way out. Heather would fight us. She would fight until the end, of that Mandy was more than sure. What would it say to Heather if she signed away her freedom, even if it was for atonement?

To this very day I may never understand the peculiar bartering systems that humans decide upon where they perceive right and wrong. It seemed to me like an endless span of masochistic ruin, moral decay, when right became a rigid duty obeyed begrudgingly rather than an actual choice. But Mandy of course hadn't been in the mood to acknowledge my existence, let alone my perspective on such things. It served only a further reminder that humans were ignorant and inexperienced. And nothing short of a perceived miracle would convince me otherwise.

((Would you like to see her?)) I finally asked, when at long last the time arrived again that I would feed since Heather's infestation. We had been finishing up her homework in her room, safely stationed behind her cleaned up and neatly re-arranged desk. Lawrence and Grace had both put aside generous time to straighten the wreckage our visitor had left in his wake. For how the room could have withstood improvement before the break-in, I was certainly enjoying how much neater it was.

For how sick she was at the thought of what lied ahead, I knew it was unbidden territory. But I suppose in my lexicon, I had crossed the border without looking back the second I'd forced her to push Heather's head into the pool. The worst that could happen already had several times; insolence.

I was well equipped to deal with that.

((...Why are you talking to me?)) She whispered, mental tones wrought with venom.

I chuckled darkly. ((Because you're mine, and I will address you whenever I please.))

((You're a bastard.))

A quick search of her memory, glossing over vocabulary answered any questions I had. ((Given the literal meaning of the word, I suppose I am.))

I felt her presence slowly recede, the fringes hinting of pure rage. Heated, directionless and miscalculating, the fury outright blinded her as I felt an unusual twinge across the muscles in her forearms. The right hand, holding her pencil suddenly clenched its fingers in a jerk of movement. Tightly enough to leave hints of the struggle on her notebook, and snap the pencil clean in half. The hand trembled - actually trembled - in the wake of her, furiously concentrating all of her energy into something so simple as clenching her fist, well intended to strike me if she could manage it. She screamed in the strain of it all, shrieking with her blinding fury, until I promptly decided enough was enough.

Disarming her of her idiotic hopes I forced the fingers open, unfurling them slowly, one by one for emphasis.

The pencil halves tottered onto the desk below.

I brought both struggling hands up, tenting the fingers beneath my chin as I sighed my exasperation aloud. "And you were behaving so well up until now." I said, tapping the fingertips against one another.

((_**FUCK YOU!**_)) she screamed back, unwilling to let this go while she could, unwilling to obey. Like some sort of eerie and distant compulsion, I felt my hands tilt into an odd angle where I'd joined them with the palms and fingers awkwardly stretched. Shivering, they drew uncannily close to my throat before I decided to stamp that notion out as well. Desperation and hatred alike had apparently wrung her of common sense. I couldn't really say I was impressed.

"Come now," I said again, quietly. "Strangling me? You realize it's impossible to kill me in that fashion, don't you? Give me something I haven't seen. Or at the very least, something plausible."

((_**HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS?**_)) Her mental voice rang through me, all the stewing emotions that had left her awake at night exploding with a volume and violence that startled me. ((_**HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HOW COULD YOU FORCE ME TO DO THAT? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? GET OUT, GET OUT, LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE! FUCKING LEAVE! GET OUT OF MY BODY, GET OUT OF MY HEAD, FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!**_))

Her screams, threats and cries continued on in a barrage that left me with my hands at my temples. Her contempt, her violent rage was loud enough to drown out all else. The sounds of Mitchell coming home from his sectional downstairs, the sound of Grace rattling pots and pans, Lawrence's car in the driveway, I lost all of it in the unbridled storm of my host as everything twisted. Her voice, the fear, hatred, guilt, Heather's infestation, all of crashed around us as her mind flooded mine. I couldn't admit I had been expecting that, usually it was the other way around, her attempting to shell away anything she could from my probing palps.

But along with her untamed shrieking, the violent surges of her emotions, I saw her and Heather running through the curling rings of foam that lapped the beach three summers ago. I saw her and Heather, running their fingers along the strong, brown neck of an Appaloosa when they had visited Ash's aunt's ranch one spring. I saw her and Heather, a pair of younger girls smiling for the camera, beneath Mickey and Minnie Mouse visors in front of the Dumbo ride at Disneyland.

Then once again came that image of Heather's head being shoved beneath the shimmering surface of the Yeerk pool. In the wake of its fading, I could hear Mandy sobbing. The emotions, her will to despise me were all that remained between her fight and her surrender.

Narrowing my eyes in aggravation I severed myself from such unneeded intricacies as I loosened my hold on the frontal lobe. In turn I fiercely tightened my grip everywhere else, dealing my host a brutal severance that I knew was painful the second she cried out, as I cut her off from the senses. I overtook her mind and body completely. My dominance was unforgiving, rendering her blind and without any shred of perception outside the blackened void of her mind as she threw forward another pointless struggle. Of course, trapped in an utterly dark void without sense or structure, she had no idea just where she was sending her orders. There was no way she knew which neurons she was attempting a connection with. Far down the left leg, I felt my foot twitch.

((That is **enough**.)) I snarled, knowing fully well that she could hear me. In the endless nothing I'd banished her to, it was the only thing she _could _hear. She was blind, deaf, completely absent to the world around us. I had tuned in only enough to hear that she was still screaming, still raging, all that much more for how I had severed her and left her in whirling directionless in darkness.

((_**FUCK YOU!**_)) She screamed right back. ((What can you possibly do to me now? You've taken EVERYTHING! You've TAKEN EVERYTHING! That's where you guys fucked up! You already take everything from those fighting you!)) Remarkably enough, I could still feel her fighting. The left foot twitched again, followed by my left eye, my jaw suddenly dropped without warning. Asserting my control in all these places, I was more than happy to tighten my hold even further. It evoked a cry, a lengthened howl of pain punctuated by quiet sobs.

((You had best find better uses for what little voice you have, human. Or I assure you, I can make what I've put you through so far seem like a pleasant memory in comparison.)) As I suppressed her, severed her from the body with my hold into the wrinkled lobes beneath me, I felt her grip snap. All at once the exhaustion of fighting left her strained and beaten in the void. The very same void where she was consumed by shadows I already knew she found frightening for how much worse they were, even compared to my control. Once again she opted the lesser of two evils. If even she hated herself in the wake of it.

Easing the transition back, very slowly I reopened her senses to her. Gradually the darkness was lost to the dim light of her lamp. Even from a distance she was grateful to discern the shapes of her desk and homework, the colors of her walls and floor, now that she was more than certain she would see them again. Something that only I could promise her now, as I had just made her very painfully aware.

Mandy only quietly sobbed in turn, while she wondered if I had any sense of decency. If I had an ounce of remorse within me, to have put her through what I have to begin with.

((As it happens, we Yeerks do have such senses.)) I answered curtly. ((But such senses are reserved for civilized beings. Not those acting like savages.))

((Yeah, because you can really blame me there, right?)) Mandy snapped, voice dangerously growing louder. I gave her a very light mental probing in warning, the only warning she would be receiving. Already longing for the rays of the Kandrona had left me short tempered as it stood. I had no desire whatsoever to stand for insubordination. Taking the hint for what it was, her voice became softer. ((...That was my best friend. My best friend...!)) Her voice cracked.

((Slave, really, are you so surprised by what's happened?)) I asked. ((I was to return to my recruiting duties, and your friend expressed an interest. What other deduction would you have drawn? What did you think was going to happen?))

I felt her suppress the sobs, the sadness, the fear and self loathing, all of which was self created for she lacked the body and hormones to truly feel. In a very real sense it was astounding she had the ability to truly feel emotions at all. By all means it shouldn't have been possible, yet these humans were so prone to creating the next best thing if they could not obtain it. I wasn't sure whether to find the matter intriguing or perhaps aggravating, but it hardly made a difference to the outcome. Given that, I was satisfied to withhold distant fascination.

I felt her quite literally pull herself together. I felt the clouding emotions constrict back toward her corner, forced under what little surface she had in her own mind, as she attempted to wall off the full extent of them from my probing watch. Not possible, of course, but effort was always better than nothing in the human lexicon. I couldn't quite agree, but such was the barrier between species, superior and inferior being.

((I hate you.)) Was all she whispered. ((I hate you, and I will _**always hate you**_.))

((You're free to do so, it makes no difference to me.)) I said plainly. ((It will not change anything.))

((You're not my master.)) She snarled. ((And you never will be. Understand? You control my body but _nothing _else.))

She had already resolved herself to silence before I could ask just what she meant, if only for the sake of laughability. Laughable, if only because she had to be aware of just how wrong she was for how much more than her body I had controlled in the past month.

"Mand? Honey?"

But of course before I had the chance to further our conversation, Grace's voice spun me on my chair, heart thumping lightly. I'd been so engrossed in disciplining my host that I'd lost track of the outside interferences, hadn't heard Grace's heavy footfalls up the stairs. "Hey, mom." I replied, voice wavering only slightly. "What's up?"

"You're not busy are you?" Grace tilted her head, spying the broken pencil on my textbook. The only tangible sign of her daughter's anguish, the clashing struggle between human and Yeerk just moments earlier, the only clue of anything wayward. Deep within the back of the mind, I heard Mandy scream in frustration. "You need any help on your homework? I mean I can't say I understand that stuff worth a lick, but - "

"No, mom, it's fine." I shrugged lazily, already well aware of how useless Grace would be regarding anything beyond basic algebra. "I just finished my homework, actually. What's up?"

Grace nodded, somewhat gratefully before giving me a crooked smile. "Well a couple of your friends are here, from the Sharing, I guess? Logan and Josh?"

Though I retained my human facade admirably, inside I could feel my stomach plummet. Ressaer and the sub visser, in my host's home, it only left me wondering what he could have possibly been saying. Or if perhaps through Logan, Ressaer had pieced together the information I'd had Mandy prompt out of him. Where matters involved the sub visser, they couldn't end well. "Oh, yeah! Tonight's a full member meeting, I almost forgot!" I snapped Mandy's textbook shut, making a show of slapping the my palm upside my forehead. "Geeze, duh! Don't really know how I could have forgot..."

Grace laughed as I hopped up out of my chair. "You're just gettin' old, that's all."

"Yeah, I knew that was a liver spot I saw on my cheek this morning."

As Grace backpedaled into the hallway, I slipped past and barely missed a brush with her bulging stomach. It reminded Mandy that a few days from now would mark the seven month progression. Two more months. Only two more months until the birth of the new little human, her younger sister. And she wouldn't even be there to enjoy holding her, cradling her tiny form against her chest after looking forward to it for so long, even giving her a bottle would be beyond her ability. At the thought of such simplicities being torn from her, I felt my host's mood darken with violent hatred.

((A shame that Lucy will be too small.)) I remarked as we headed downstairs, two at a time. ((But then growing under Yeerk supervision, I imagine human children can be easily manipulated.))

((Remember our bargain, Yeerk.)) Mandy growled. ((I gave you what you want. Unless the sub visser's busting that door down with other Controllers, you leave my family out of this.))

Perhaps we did have an agreement, but of course nothing quite insured a host's obedience like uncertainty. I said nothing as I met the smiling, waiting faces of Logan and Josh, slouching comfortably on the couch in my livingroom. Logan, as Mandy would word it, looked like hell for how dark the circles were beneath his eyes and how pale his skin was, how it hung off his cheek bones; it seemed to sag off the curve of his smile. As if aware of his condition, the sub visser had positioned his host a strategic couple of feet away with his arms folded.

"Hey, guys." I grinned somewhat sheepishly, forcing the awkwardness. "Guess I kinda forgot about the meeting, huh?"

Josh laughed. Even my host could hear just how desperately hollow the sound was. "Getting on in life, Mand? I tried to call your house earlier but no one answered."

I suppose I wouldn't have heard the phone, having been engaged with disciplining my host, but that was an annoyance he certainly didn't need to know about. "Yeah, I had my CD player on, I couldn't really hear anything, so - "

"We don't want your life story," Logan said, standing up. He wasn't without his trouble managing it, as he stumbled where he was on rubbery legs that shook beneath him. Even from the distance of the human facade, his smile seemed ill, contrived. I could feel the quivering pang of concern from my host, who had managed to pull herself up from her stubborn silence to see for herself what all was happening. "We're just here to make sure you weren't dead. No harm, no foul, right?"

"Dude, break in." Josh said sharply, as Logan grimaced too late at his so-called joke. "Uh... yeah, we heard about that, Mand. And well, can't be too careful, y'know? Gotta look out for each other."

"It's what full members do." Logan added, behind him.

((Yeah, I'll bet it is.)) Mandy grumbled, as I snatched up her backpack and shrugged my way between my two superiors. In the midst of our leave as I called a quick goodbye to Grace, I couldn't help noting just how eerie my host found our human performance. The true tension that lied just underneath three human adolescents meeting and joking around, the supposed darker purpose of the masters beneath the strings, how utterly different the truth was to what the outside world saw upon glancing in. ((You're a fucking asshole, you know that?))

((Need I remind you just how much worse I can be?)) I asked, voice taut with menacing cruelty.

And remembering my earlier punishment for her insubordination, a cold flush of fear found her silent the rest of the way. A true turn of fortune given how Josh and Logan's smiles evaporated the minute we neared the end of the driveway, where Josh's blue Honda Civic was parked, the engine still rumbling. They had made this very quick with a reason, as Logan swung the back door open for me and motioned me in. A gentlemanly gesture to the casual observer, but even they might have been shaken by how hard he slammed it shut behind me.

"Mind yourself, Ressaer 213." Josh's voice lost all boyish hints as he clambered in behind the wheel. "I'm not one to care for my host's preferences regarding this joke of transportation, but he does take quite a bit of pride in it. It would be unusual for him to allow it abuse."

"My apologies, sub visser."

"Timmron 348." Josh's blue eyes glinted in the rear view mirror. "...We have a few matters to discuss."

The car fishtailed smoothly into the road, and with a set of spinning wheels my host's abode became a brick speck in the suburban greenery. Had she dared to risk testing my patience, Mandy would have very well asked what was going on. What all was happening, why they were doing this, what might become of her family if the sub visser had come into her home, if he looked so grim. I could read every individual question despite how they raced together without an end, repeating with a nervous rhythm, erratic, frantic. I could feel her heart struggling to pound against my control, but given how my own questions were surging against hers I was finding it more and more difficult for my absolution to withstand it.

I slouched forward, bowing my head. "I am at liberty to discuss and disclose anything with you, sub visser twenty-three."

"Good." The civic swerved its way toward town, bypassing a speed limit sign that our current driver seemed content to ignore. "The matter concerns you seeing as how your host's home has already been compromised."

"News regarding the RUBICON?" I leaned forward, eager and attentive.

"From our own Ressaer 213, yes." I could feel the smug arrogance radiating off of my other superior, though I couldn't discern his face. I opted to ignore it, turning my aggravation instead toward my host. Her haphazard attempt at gathering information had been mediocre at best. Nothing had come of it. "Who in turn received the news from Jinnniss 127 before it had the chance to reach the human press."

"Ah. Soon to be formerly human, no doubt."

"Yes, but that matter is incidental, if not easily resolved." Ressaer 213 said coolly. From the corner of the mirror I could see him bending his fingers into a steeple, tented snugly beneath his chin as Logan's bleary brown eyes met mine. "I'm afraid our investigation has reached a grave point, and it may very well concern your safety." I felt Mandy's heart struggle to skip. I could not truthfully say I wasn't tempted to allow it, as Ressaer threw me a manila folder and leveled our gazes. "I think you may find this to be more than interesting."

Opening the folder, I was met by a photograph of what appeared to be a dumpster in an alleyway. And at first Mandy couldn't quite see it, couldn't quite make it out from the distance of my control, but it a few seconds was all it would take. A few seconds was all that was needed, drawing our attention to the cuff of a rumpled pant leg that was tipped upward until the toe of a scuffed sneaker barely jutted out against the metal.

In the next photo, the pale, unseeing eyes of a dead girl affronted us.

She couldn't have been more than ten years old, and I recognized her faintly from the photos that depicted her when she was alive. She had been one of the civilians from the report I had been given, near the beginning of my investigation, and what I couldn't remember lied waiting for me in the pages that followed the photos I still had to sort through. A photo of her blue eyes, glassy and distant as they stared off into an endless realm of nothing. A photo of the yawning gashes that ran down her forearms, defensive wounds, peeling them open into a tattered meat from which white bone prodded out. A photo of the stab wounds that bled a raw wash of crimson into the Spice World T-shirt she had been wearing the day she'd been murdered. A photo of her frail hands, both missing their fingers.

((Oh God...!)) I could feel Mandy's revulsion. ((Oh my God...! Oh my God...!))

((Look away, Mandy.)) I instructed, quietly but firmly. ((Distract yourself. It will only get worse from here.))

I could feel her gladly wrenching her sights away from the eyes, toward the safety of her memories, ones that I began playing to further distract her if only for the good of my own focus without a host crying about just what we were seeing. Not that I didn't find it repulsive. It was downright horrible just what these humans were willing to do to one another, from ruthlessly and needlessly murdering in order to eat more delectable food to starving, beating and murdering their own young, it only furthered my realization that alongside ignorance humans were plenty guilty of lunacy. Nothing short of a miracle would convince me otherwise.

Olivia Brown, age ten. A neighbor girl of one of the collaborators still missing, one of the civilians linked to the kidnapped host bodies being held hostage by the RUBICON. Died of internal bleeding, or so the homicide detective assumed on the crime scene after gauging the severity of the wounds. An autopsy was being considered by the department in consideration of a couple of theories, but I already knew that the matter of the human youth's death was irrelevant. It hadn't been the point my superiors had hoped to emphasize.

"...They're destroying their own hostages."

"We're not entirely sure of the motive there, ourselves." Sub Visser 23 said, sounding as confounded as I felt. "They destroy their hostages, they risk not only their betting chips in play, but their credibility as well."

"Right." I glossed over the file again, silently warning my host to keep busy as I regarded the information. "Who would believe bloodthirsty killers that murdered a little girl, no matter how grave the cause."

"Exactly." Ressaer 213 concluded, watching me read the file with a hint of distaste. For either what the file entailed or for me, I couldn't be sure. "An act of hatred on behalf of the involuntary zealots on the collaborators, no doubt in my mind."

"It still doesn't quite answer why." Though I strained my hardest to tear my gaze from the white, gaping face of that little human girl, I could feel it gradually drifting back. Her blue eyes, wide and frightened, that utter fear and perplexity forever frozen in time while her mouth had fallen open into a permanent scream that no one had heard. Her brown hair, the gentle curls twisted and tangled, framing a white face upon which a few dark freckles became gruesome pinpoints. Having a female host myself, I could vividly imagine what thoughts must have raced through her mind. What terrors... What a normal, harmless and straightforward existence she must have led, before the agonizing impact of the knife. Before having the end decided for her by those animals. "But what does that mean for the Andalite involvement?"

"According to Jinnniss 127? Nothing's changed." Ressaer 213 replied flatly. "After all, we've seen for ourselves that the Andalites have no regard for causalities."

"I suppose that's a fair point, but knowing what we do about the risks in this reckless behavior, it makes me wonder..." I mused, tracing my fingers along the bold, chalky lines of her face harsh and upstanding against the dark brick of the alley. "Where was she found?"

"Downtown, between a couple of apartment complexes." the sub visser said, with another sharp turn toward the Citizen's Center. Engrossed by the savagery, the brutality, tangible and right there in front of me, I couldn't sit back to enjoy watching town go rolling by. "Jinnniss 127 has already had a couple subordinates search the area, question potential witnesses. None of them seemed to notice anything unusual."

I pressed my lips together, brows furrowing. "You mean to say, sir, that no one noticed someone sneaking the body of a human girl into a dumpster? That seems more than a little strange to me."

"Perhaps they aren't so completely reckless as to get caught unintentionally."

"...You mean..."

"It's a message." Ressaer 213 concluded for me, when I wasn't quite able to finish the thought. Logan's bloodshot eyes struggled to stay open, though I could practically feel the weight on the lids that ended up fluttering. "It's a message, specifically addressed to us. Or so it's what Jinnniss 127 makes of it."

All I could do was shake my head. The gesture felt utterly useless, my disgust felt misshapen. "They murder one of their own to send us a message." I said, my tone stony. "And we're the monsters."

"I've yet to meet a Yeerk who completely understands why these humans do the things they do." Sub Visser 23 said, his voice subdued as if it were a consolation. "But if they've reached this sort of point among their own hostages, there's no telling what they might attempt on potential targets as they've seemed to make out of you."

"I'll certainly keep my guard up, sir."

"See to that. I'll have to alert Jinnniss 127 to keep her surveillance vigilant around your host's home, and in the meantime Timmron 348, I want you to try and closely monitor the new hosts you've recruited." Josh's fingers drummed in rapid succession along the steering wheel, as the Citizen's Center loomed closer and taller over the paved horizon. We jolted to a halt at a red light, availing the sub visser the time to lean toward his mirror and stare into me, through me with icy calculation. "After all, they seemed to have gotten word of your own host's involvement with us somehow. If the Andalites are truly at their disposal there's no telling what all they're privy to."

I nodded somewhat numbly. Veishen 489, or Heather as Mandy knew her beneath his control would be simple enough to keep an eye on. The other Yeerks infesting the other new bodies might prove a touch more difficult, scattered as they were, but it certainly wasn't a matter I couldn't simply contact Oondor over. It had been perfectly ideal to enlist the help of other Yeerks to oversee the group's infestation, more or less. "Will do, sir."

"Ressaer 213, you'll do the same. Keep an eye on our new recruits, and both of you will continue your own recruiting duties." Josh's expression glinted with a contained fury that nearly longed for baiting. Daring either of us to object. "Death or not, we will not alert Visser Three until we have direct word of the Andalite involvement. We will not enlist his... _aid_..." he somehow fashioned the word into something Taxxons would spit out. "On pure speculation and nothing else. This is a warning to all of us." Whether he intended his orders or the girl to be aforementioned warning was unclear. "And we can't allow casualties to lead onto anything rash. Jinnniss 127 will continue the police investigation on his side of things, but concerning the human media... Well, we just may have an assignment for you two yet."

I could already tell where this was going, if the local news forum was so determined to lay their hands on the utter scandal that was a butchered ten year old girl in the garbage. Another pang of disgust shuddered through me, so strong that even my host mind was rattled from her memory of visiting the Gardens with Ash and Mariah. ((What's going on...?)) She asked, her voice shaking. ((What...?))

((You'll find out soon enough. Keep quiet.))

"Right away, sir." Ressaer 213 and I both chorused in unison, exchanging a heated glance afterward before I amended, "I'll get into contact with Oondor 467 about extensive monitoring on our newly recruited hosts, and I'll be more than happy to recruit where I'm needed."

"Excellent." the sub visser cut the ignition as soon as the civic swung into the parking lot. The low purr of the engine was cut abruptly, leaving us to the abandon of total silence that hung between us like the tension before a thunderstorm. "Just be sure that no word or clue of this leaves our circle. Timmron 348, try to stay close to your recruits in the next day or so until this whole matter is sorted proper. Ressaer 213..." he noted Logan's haggard appearance with an unimpressed sneer, his disheveled hair, the blue circles hanging off his eyes. "...Try to be discrete in your investigation. While the investigation is an important matter, your first job is to remain assimilated among the humans and retain your host's front. Don't forget the overall mission."

Logan's mouth curled into a sneer of its own, but he tipped his head in a compliant nod. "Yes sir. I will see to it that my host has rest after tonight's regeneration."

"Good. I will not tolerate anyone asking questions." The sub visser yanked the keys with robotic precision, climbing out of the civic and leaving us behind with the slam of a door.

Ressaer turned his head toward me, brown eyes gleaming. As determined as I was to keep the body slack, my expression calm, still my mind couldn't help drifting toward the inevitable question as to whether or not he knew just what my host had been up to in questioning his. If he had figured out that I knew he was hiding, if I knew he was keeping something concealed from the rest of us, something that had taken his body to this beaten point to reach. And more importantly, if he had figured out that when I found out what it was, I had absolutely no moral qualms with ruining him.

But Ressaer 213 said nothing, as he climbed out of the passenger side and left me to my own devices. Running a dry tongue over cracked lips, I disembarked the vehicle as well, noting its pale blue complexion, the way my reflection was caught and distorted in the hub caps, the flecks of orange and red mud caked high up in the wheel wells.

((They killed her.)) was all my host could whisper, as we headed toward the lit entrance of the Citizen's Center. ((They... they actually killed her.))

((Are you so surprised?)) I snapped, slipping in as someone else pulled the door open, ducking out of the balmy evening behind us. Her mind was so consumed by the photographs, that little girl, that she couldn't find it within herself to dread what was coming as she usually did. ((You humans commit these atrocities daily! Daily! And it doesn't seem to be confined to your country either, it's everywhere, you humans find and invent colorful new ways to destroy one another for an agenda that's either self centered or insignificant in the grand scheme of coexisting on your planet! And you wonder just why we see you as the animals you truly are, if anything your species has escaped proper reform for far too long.))

((It's the price you pay for sentience, Yeerk.)) Mandy said, though I could hear how uneven her voice was as I viciously flashed the photographs in her memory. I could feel her grimace, shudder, but she wouldn't retreat. ((We evolved from animals, but some of us... didn't evolve away from animals. Generalizing us doesn't justify you taking our freedom.))

((Oh yes, let's blame primitive instinct for _this_.)) She saw them as clearly as I did, the open stab wounds that left her bleeding from her chest and stomach. Inches wide, half a foot long. ((You humans don't even understand what your freedom is supposed to be about. You're content to remain centered in these daily lives of yours, apart from one another, with no connection and no discipline. No commitment to even saving your own environment, salvaging your own resources.))

((At least we're a few steps ahead of you guys.)) Mandy replied evenly. ((After all, we learned that slavery doesn't exactly work out a long time ago. Your kind should look brush up on our history a little more closely.))

((Oh, we have.)) I said, the ice encroaching every word giving her pause. ((But let us not forget that human slavery and Yeerk infestation are two entirely different things. What was your race's motivation, slave? Money. Power. The convenience of not having to work under a hot sun. Our motivation is the ability to _**walk and see**_, actually _enjoy _what's around us rather than taking it for granted. To bring races together under _one _empire, to drive races together toward _one _achievement, and all the while eliminating the excess and mundane that you humans are just _**so **_content to _kill your own young over_.))

Rather than the indignation, the anger, the struggle for argument that I had come to expect of the stupid girl, I felt her contemplate. I felt a thought occur, one that wasn't entirely structured, but it involved the revulsion throbbing through me alongside the pictures of that young human girl.

((...You're as shook up about this as I am.))

((Hardly,)) I said cynically. ((I've fought in war after war conquering other races, human. I'm hardly shaken by the sight of death.)) Not the sight of such things, per se. But the implications, the knowledge of creatures so savage that they would do this not to an enemy, but to each _other_... ((Confused, perhaps. Confused as to what the purpose is in destroying your youth, just to prove a point. For how often it happens, for how many the vast majority of the planet ignores, enough that four hundred children die every hour of starvation in desolate and underdeveloped countries...))

I couldn't help trailing off. Allowing the morbid thought completion felt too much like granting it a perverse form of justice. It was the lunacy of humans that I couldn't bring myself to appreciate, that I couldn't stand, that I couldn't comprehend why my host was eager to accept it all if it meant they were all free to watch one another die so horribly. There wasn't a justification, there couldn't be a reason. The image of that little girl's wide open eyes and gaping mouth, screaming, bleeding, crumpled and discarded for the parents that sired her to discover in horror...

((And you realize that with your planet's vast amounts of vegetation, it wouldn't be an obstacle at all to see to their survival. To see to the continuation of your own people.))

Mandy slouched where she was near the back of the mind. Taking my words as well as the puzzling I couldn't conceal into consideration, I could feel her rising conflict. The conflict that rose in knowing that I was right, while not wanting to resign completely to the argument of the Yeerk empire. ((...I know it's messed up.)) She said softly. ((There are some things on our planet that are really, really messed up.))

((And if matters were simpler, as we would make them, those things could easily become a distant memory.))

((Somehow, I doubt it.)) she said gloomily.

I didn't need to ask why to know the reason, as it surfaced in her mind and bobbed like a corpse.

Sentience.

The price you paid for sentience, and how it couldn't have been so different from one race onto another. Provided the honest ways of the empire outside the hopeless Utopian's perception, I suppose I could see her point. There was always a price to pay in order to take what you wanted, what you needed, it was the way of war that we had known for decades since our escape from those Andalites, who refused to understand that nothing was so simple as they would insist. Foolish, I suppose, to expect perfection in the long and aching strides toward it. It was a civilian way of thinking, a romanticized ideal almost as foolish as the notion that love could overcome gunfire and death itself. For how we Yeerks could be so driven to ruin one another for our own place in the empire, I suppose a certain ruthlessness, our own equivalent to human brutality could be descried in how we left behind those we saw fit to disarm and dismantle.

When a race could reason its way around the barest necessities, there was something to be said for every action. There was something to be objected, there was something to be taken, and there was something else to take it from. For these humans, that had been the life of a little girl, in order to warn us that they were eliminating the hosts we were hoping to retrieve. What they would accomplish I had yet to see, but only time would tell.

For the entirety of them time spent awaiting Veishen 489's arrival, Mandy could only think of the photographs. As much as she dreaded Heather's arrival underneath it all, she was preoccupied with good reason. In her mind, the little girl should have been listening to music with her friends, in the park eating ice cream, worrying about the math or science test to be handed back on Monday. She should have been at home with her parents, living as simply and delightedly as human childhood demanded with nothing to worry about.

Mandy then remembered herself at that age, remembered when death was a far off 'what if' at that time, and dying was something older humans did in hospitals if she ever _did _have to wonder about it. Death, mortality was something understood in human youth, but never really lent much thought unless it was close by. The survival instinct had been dulled by reasoning, the logical assumption of the living scenario, there by the faintest edges to surface as needed. Like all things that they didn't understand, humans repressed and rejected the notion of entertaining death. A part of the youthful innocence that was never really lost or forgotten, even as they grew into adolescence, adulthood. A very curious aspect of them indeed, how complacent they were to create answers, afterlives, other worlds beyond the finality of a last breath.

_They actually killed that little girl... Oh my God... _I felt her stomach struggle to churn. _They killed her... Oh God, her fingers...! _I felt her probe for control of the hands, and for once I wasn't too inclined to suppress her. She couldn't help being grateful to have all ten appendages._ Did they cut off the fingers before or after...? Oh my God, the pain she went through, that must have hurt more than anything, Jesus Christ, she was screaming, she was screaming, she was screaming when they did it...!_

((You might do well to occupy yourself with other thoughts.)) I commented dryly.

_You're as shaken up as I am. You can't believe they did that to that little girl._

((I'm disgusted by the savagery that has yet to be conditioned out of your species, yes.)) I replied, though I couldn't entirely suppress my disgust in particular at them for having dragged a youth into their matters. It was something Visser Three was capable of, most definitely, but then a Yeerk with an intellect and conscience evolved beyond such things wasn't too hard to find. I sighed. ((Try to think of something else. Try not to think about it.))

((Easier said than done.))

As a soldier, that was something I had learned in the early days of my service to the empire. ((I know.))

((...I just don't understand you.)) she whispered. ((I don't get how you can see this. How you guys can fight, see this, understand what all it is, and you're just...))

_Calloused_ was the word she sought out.

((Believe you me, human. That's probably for the best.)) My people had come a long, gruesome way to obtain what we had, defend what we acquired, salvage what others strained so hard to take in the name of self righteousness that permitted them to go right back to the way things were. Watching their people die, watching their planet crumble away, watching their way of life collapse in on itself, content to accept the mortality of their own species if it meant they were dying free. It was something I would never understand. ((Try to think of something else.))

_I don't know if I can._

Looking up at the entrance to the Citizen's Center, I finally glimpsed who I had been waiting for.

Veishen 489 stepped through the entrance with a solemn demeanor that was all too unlike the friend Mandy knew and loved. There was no telling just what Heather thought or felt, crushed under his control, but the thought of it was certainly enough to divert my host from those photographs. But not before a last, single thought occurred.

_I wonder if she feels the same way as Olivia._

* * *

Mmmyeah, some human-host drama may or may not be expected in the next chapter. 8D

In the meantime, any and all attention/concrit is appreciated!


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